SOUNDTRACK: AILBHE REDDY-“Distrust” (2016).
I found this song from, of all things, a redbull website listing up and coming Irish bands. It says that this song has been streamed over 3 million times.
This song opens with otherworldy “oohs” before a jagged, slapped guitar melody enters the song. The guitar feels like it ends too abruptly. It ‘s a very cool hook. Especially for a song that is a total kiss-off song like this one.
Over the course of three and a half minutes more and more is added to the song–an insistent bass, drums, more backing vocals and even a violin. But that persistent guitar runs through the whole song. As does Ailbhe Reddy’s voice which is clean and piercing. She speak-sings in the beginning, but when the chorus comes in, her voice is in full power.
The song soars by the end, as does her voice.
In the video, she stands absolutely still and strong as the room she is in falls apart around her.
Reddy has a full album coming out next month. This song isn’t on it, but her new song “Looking Happy” is a real rocker (with a cool video).
[READ: September 19, 2020] No Country for Old Gnomes
I really enjoyed the first book in the series–Kill the Farm Boy. I was really looking forward to reading the continuing efforts of the heroes of Pell.
So I was a little surprised to learn that this book has almost nothing to do with the first one. It’s set in the same place (with the same map up front) and the world remains the same, but this book follows the exploits of a completely different band of accidental warriors.
That was a little disappointing at first (I miss Fia and Agrabella) but Dawson & Hearne have created a brand new band of travelers who are just as interesting and compelling as the first bunch. All of the characters from the first book make cameos, but they are brief. The only characters from the first book that have any regular work are King Gustave and Grinda the Sand Witch.
But this book is exciting and funny and in the same vein as the first while being very different as well. It is full of puns and jokes and twists on fantasy novels all while fleshing out the world that was created in book one (and making great use of the map that’s on the first page).
The book opens with three witches (not Grinda) and a cauldron. I love a spoof of this scene and this one is especially good. Two of the witches are casting a spell to help the Bruding Boars win their jousting competition. But they needed a third so they put an ad on Ye Olde Meet-Up Bulletin Boarde. This third with (who looked quite different from her picture) had a very different spell in mind.
The third witch disappeared after casting a spell full of blood and seeming to be against gnomes. But, really, who cared about gnomes.
Neither noticed the surfeit of portent in the air, wafting from the coppery-smelling cave, probably because the second witch smelled so strongly of cat urine.
But the portent was there nonetheless.
The book shifts to the Numminen family of gnomes. Gnomes are generally smöl (ha!) and cheerful. The two sons Onni and Offi are fighting about Offi’s lack of gnomeric behavior. Offi likes wearing cardigans that are black and covered in bats (gnome cardigans should be bright and cheerful). So, yes, Offi is a goth gnome. Whereas Onni is a perfect gnome who wins award for his gnomeric behavior.
But before they can get into a heated argument about his outfit, their house is bombed. The gnomes have been under attack from a murderous band of halflings. The Numminens were able to escape the attack.
Their house was being watched by Kirsi Noogensen a neighboring gnome who has a crush on Onni (he was just so gnomeric). She hoped they survived, but until she knew for sure, the only thing she could do was curse the halflings. Kirsi is a witch (it ran in her family), but she is only able to curse, not to help–this is embarrassing in gnomeland, even if it does come in handy
One of the halflings responsible for this attack was Faucon Pooternoob of the Toodleoo Pooternoobs. Faucon was neat and orderly–he believed very strongly in the rule of law–and building codes. He was under the impression that the gnomes were disobeying all of the local ordinances. Faucon was taking orders from Marquant Dique of the Bigly-Wicke Diques.
What Faucon did not know was that Marquant Dique had become the leader of the Dastardly Rogues, an evil band of ruffians set upon ruining any peace in the land for the long-term gain of rich and powerful men (sounds familiar) Faucon thought he was enforcing laws, but he was actually breaking them.
Faucon sent out a Gryphon to survey the air The Gryphon is indebted to Faucon because Faucon makes the most amazing fluffee egges (Gryphons are not supposed to eat eggs).
The first stop for the Gryphon is the home of Agape Fallopia. Agape and her parents are ovitaurs with a human head and torso and a sheep’s wooly legs. Her family aaare in chaaaarge of waaaatching (yes, every “a” sound that she makes is a bleat) over a metallic creature named Piini Automaatii. Piini was created by gnomes generations ago. No one knows its purpose anymore. Agape’s parents don’t even know what they are supposed to do with. It is old and rusted and seems barely able to speak anymore. Her parents have been protcting it thier entire adult lives, which means they have ben on the run for their entire lives, hardly staying in one place for more than five days. Agape has learned to trust no one.
The Grypon is named Gerd and she, like most Gryphons is quite full of herself. Everything that she says has extra letters in it because gryphons perceive layers of color and textures that others could not. Their language reflects that
Faucon wants the yellö man.
You mean the yellow man?
That is who I mean, but yellow with a w is insufficient to describe him. He is truly more yellö with an umlaut.
Similarly
The sky is not blue with an e its blü with an umlaut. You must respect the umlaut.
Their copyeditors must have hated them
Gerd captured Agape and took her to see Faucon (she couldn’t lift the Piini Automatii) and eventually straightened out that Agape was looking after Piini and that it wasn’t designed to destroy halflings or anything. Gerd pieces together that Faucon is unaware of the true nature of the Dastardly Rogues and once he reveals that he has a secret quest of his own, he is willing to join this ever-larger circle of questers.
Then we meet Båggi Biins, a teenaged dwarf who was out on his Meadschpringå (oh that made me laugh). Dwarves are generally peaceful and nonviolent but when on their Meadschpringå they must seek an outlet for whatever anger might be living in their bones before they can return home and settle down in the acetic way of an adult. He carried his Telling Cudgel everywhere he went. Whenever he grew angry his Cudgel would transform from a beautiful smooth piece of wood into a gnarled spiky weapon of destruction.
Båggi is a hilarious character–always chipper, always looking on the bright side, and always ready with a phrase or potion to make everyone feel better.
After the bombing, the gnomes headed to The Lord Ergot Living Memorial Ping-Pong Palace and “Refugee Center” (this last bit was scrawled with an uneven hand). Soon after, Agape’s parents arrived with the metal man. Fortunately for all, Offi is quite handy and he knew the alphgnomeric (yes!) failsafe to reset it–control alt delete.
Soon enough Agape and Gerd return with Faucon (and yes, gnomes and halflings can coexist peacefully).
With the understanding of just what Piini Automatii could teach them, they have a goal in mind. Piini needs to get to a mythical gnome underground city. Turns out gnomes are amazing at technological advances. So Agape, with the help of Faucon and Gerd will bring Piini to the land that Kirsi and Offi (who pretends to be Onni to try to win over Kirsi) believe is a very important place–the even more mythical Great Library. Båggi is on baord is well, of course. Perhaps they can learn the secret that this ancient machine holds.
Along the way they will meet trees that will try to eat them, a swamp wyrm that will try to eat them, mermaids that will try to eat them and a few other unsavory characters. But don’t worry, Båggi is a dwarf who is always prepared to help any kind of ailment. If he’s not carrying Uncle Chuck’s Raspberry Reflux Rounds or Hurty Hooei’s Hwo About We Avoid Infection Confection, he can create a potion or elixir out of the powders and gadget in his satchel.
There’s also Tommy Bombastic, a demigod who enjoys messing with people (in verse no less). There’s Eino Partanen, oldest gnome in the area and one of the best inventors around. He made the quinquagintipod–a fifty legged transporter. There’s the owner of a hotel who answers the door by asking, “Vhat is this? Who dares disturb my hallowed halls without an invitation?” while drawing a black cloak around his hunched shoulders and showing his fangs. He’s the proprietor of the ghost hotel and practicing dentist.
Danger lurks everywhere and some characters will die. The consolation, though, is that ghosts are real and rather chatty–and can stay in the rather nice hotel.
There are lots of really fun moments like when Kirsi, on a walk through the woods encounters a witch’s house made out of candy. The witch invites her in and offered to fatten her up (gnomes love to get rounder, so she says yes). Then the witch asks her to fix something at the back of he oven–would she mind climbing in there to look? Gnomes love to help! The oven door slams and the witch says she can’t help her pout because…she was soaking her bunions.
Many fairy tale conventions are upended in this story and each one is good for a solid laugh.
Interestingly the quest concludes at the seat of government where a group of unscrupulous characters are trying to ruin the land and take over with their questionable (and violent) ways. They are trying to strike a coup by removing the peaceful leaders and replacing them with toadying followers intent on doing whatever the leader says.
Sounds familiar.
I really enjoyed this story a lot. It was great seeing a new side of Pell–an urban side! And I really loved learning about more and more of these fascinating characters and species.
Book three is already out (called The Princess Beard). I am really looking forward to it.
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