I Just Read About That…

SOUNDTRACK: DO MAKE SAY THINK-Other Truths [CST062] (2009).

I’ve always enjoyed Do Make Say Think’s CDs.  They play instrumentals that are always intriguing and which never get dull.

But this CD far exceeds anything they have done so far (and  they’ve done some great work).   There are only four tracks, and they range from 8 to 12 minutes long.  Each track is named for a word in the band’s name: Do, Make, Say, Think.  And each one is a fully realized mini epic.

“Do” sounds like a gorgeous Mogwai track.  While “Make” has wonderfully diverse elements: a cool percussion midsection and a horn-fueled end section that works perfectly with the maniacal drumming.  “Say” is another Mogwai-like exploration, although it is nicely complemented by horns.  It also ends with a slow jazzy section that works in context but is somewhat unexpected. Finally, “Think” closes the disc with a delightful denouement.  It’s the slowest (and shortest) track, and it shows that even slowing down their instrumentals doesn’t make them dull.

It’s a fantastic record from start to finish.  This is hands down my favorite Constellation release in quite some time.

[READ: December 2009 – January 13, 2010] McSweeney’s #33.

The ever-evolving McSweeney’s has set out to do the unlikely: they printed Issue #33 as a Sunday Newspaper.  It is called The San Francisco Panorama and, indeed, it is just like a huge Sunday newspaper. It has real news in (it is meant to be current as of December 7, 2009).  As well as a Sports section, a magazine section and even comics!

[DIGRESSION] I stopped reading newspapers quite some time ago.  I worked for one in college and have long been aware that the news is just something to fill the space between ads.  I do like newspapers in theory, and certainly hope they don’t all go away but print issues are a dying breed.  When I think about the waste that accompanies a newspaper, I’m horrified.  Sarah and I even did a Sunday New York Times subscription for a while, but there were half a dozen sections that we would simply discard unopened.  And, realistically that’s understandable.  Given how long it took me  to read all of the Panorama, if you actually tried to read the whole Sunday paper, you’d be finished the following Sunday (or even two Sundays later).

Their lofty goal here was to show what print journalism can still do. And with that I concur heartily.  Even if I don’t read the newspaper, the newspapers as entities are worth saving.  Because it is pretty much only print journalism that finds real, honest to God, worthy news stories.  TV news is a joke.  There is virtually nothing of value on network TV.  Fox News is beyond a joke.  CNBC is sad (although Rachel Maddow is awesome!) and even CNN, the originator of all of this 24 hour news nonsense still can’t fill their airtime with non-sensationalized news.

Obviously, there are some decent internet sites, but for the most part they don’t have the budget to support real news investigation.  You either get sensationalized crap like Drudge or rebroadcasts of real news.

So, print is the last bastion of news.  And you can see that in journalistic pieces in The New Yorker, Harper’s, The Walrus, Prospect and, yes, in newspapers.

But enough.  What about THIS newspaper?  Oh and unlike other McSweeney’s reviews I’ve done, there is NO WAY that I am writing a thorough comment on everything in here.  There’s just way too much.  Plus, there are many sections that are just news blurbs.  Larger articles and familiar authors will be addressed, however.  [UPDATE: January 18]: If, however, like Alia Malek below, you bring it to my attention that I’ve left you out (or gotten something wrong!) drop me a line, and I’ll correct things.

There is in fact a Panorama Information Pamphlet which answers a lot of basic questions, like why, how and how often (just this once, they promise!). There’s also a Numbers section which details the size, scope and cost of making this (it shows that with an initial start up, anyone could make a newspaper if they talked enough about what the readers were interested in).

So, the opening 16 page section is a collection of local, U.S. and World news.  There’s some (presumably) true local items–police beat, cheapest gas & police morale.  The News in Brief stories are excerpted from the New York Times, The BBC, The Wall Street Journal and other sources.

There’s a passionate column from DANIEL HANDLER, “The Foggiest Idea” in which he advocates for public school (and states that he’s sending his son there).

But then come the hard hitting factual stories including a full-color full-page graph about the Crisis in Congo as well as a personal look at individuals involved in the war in Afghanistan and the war in Iraq. And this is exactly the point of Panorama: covering stories in depth that simply never get covered in regular newspapers.  When have you ever seen a full page devoted to the Congo?

There’s a very lengthy section about the election in Iran and that many people were forced to confess that they were wrong to oppose Ahmadinejad.  The Justice pages look at California courts, including the next possible Attorney General.  And then there’s a short but heavily illustrated look at a family that owns a huge amount of San Francisco real estate (see if you recognize your apartment!).

They also published an editorial that was published around the world.  I’m linking to The Guardian for no reason other than it came up first on Google, but 56 newspapers in 20 language all published the same editorial: “Fourteen Days to Seal History’s Judgment on This Generation” which is a powerful plea for action in Copenhagen.

The first section ends with a look at our Sun (including a 3d image which I could NOT get to work (rats).   There’s even ads in the paper!  Just like a real paper.

Part Two features three lengthy articles.  JESSE NATHAN  writes about pot growers in Mendocino, with a fairly complex look at the relaxed drug laws in the county and what that has done (both good and bad) to the area.  Next is a hugely convoluted article by WILLIAM T. VOLLMAN about gold mining in Imperial County.  Vollman writes very lengthy pieces in general, and this one is no exception.  He looks at many facets of this story.  And, although he is against the corporation involved, he has to admit that legally he thinks they have certain expectations that should be met.  Even if we all agree that the Native American land should remain sacred.  Finally, J. MALCOLM GARCIA writes a lengthy, powerful and yes, sad piece about the futility of the Afghanistan elections.

Now, this being a San Francisco paper, the main focus is San Francisco & California.  So there is an 8 page supplement about the construction of the Bay Bridge (and how it is way behind schedule and way over budget).  And even though I didn’t even know about this bridge being built, I was fascinated by the story and its international connections. (It is also the most global bridge/construction project in history with portions being worked on in something like 4 continents).

The Sports section has a few longer articles on California teams (a coach and a player).  I don’t follow sports so I don’t know anything about either of them.  There’s also an NCAA Playoff bracket type contest that I’m not going to do.

For me, the highlight of the Sports section was the lengthy review of the World Series by STEPHEN KING.  I’m often hard on Stephen King, but he loves baseball, and he does write very well.  Especially in this nonfiction format (his articles for Entertainment Weekly are enjoyable for this reason, too).  He really brought this Series (which I didn’t watch) to life.  And his anti-Yankee bias was a fun angle to add personality to his writing.  It didn’t make me sad I missed the games, but  did enjoy reading about it.

The Food section contained some fascinating pieces, including a look at the Water shortage around I-5, and a look at some highly regarded restaurants.  I particularly enjoyed the tiki lounge.  There’s even a recipe for Ramen Noodles.  And, the most fascinating and disturbing piece was a photo essay of the steps from taking a lamb from farm to plate (viewer be warned!)

The Opinion & Analysis section has shorter articles, but they were all interesting.  NICHOLSON BAKER (a perennial favorite of mine) looks at the sad fate of paper mills in Maine (and how paper is actually more environmentally sound than the internet–the power grid is huge!).  I also loved the article that argued that humans are not destined for war, that it is a leaned behavior and could be unlearned. There was a great opinion piece about Michele Obama and how she has been villified from the get-go mostly because her eyebrows make her look nasty.  And finally a plea from Native American country to hey government, look their way once in a while.  (The section about rapes on reservations was unbelievably depressing).

The two arts section were certainly my favorite part (big surprise).

Arts One (Lifestyle and Local) featured a lengthy article about what I was sure was fictious radio station (why are the call letters KPOO?), but which turns out to be real and available online.  There’s an article on Dori Midnight, a witch and healer.  And 21 Hours with STEPHEN ELLIOTT.

There’s a two page spread which details a mural on a local school.  It is truly breathtaking and it is the kind of thing that should inspire people/schools/committees elsewhere to encourage similar forms of expression on buildings everywhere.  It’s beautiful and quite evocative of the community.

Finally, there’s some games.  The first is to try and spot which individuals are in couples together (24 faces…although I felt it was unfair (and strangely conservative) not to tell us that they were all in straight couples).  There’ a 3 dimensional crossword and a Color Coded Word search (awesome).  And then came my least favorite thing in the whole shebang, the Horoscopes.  They weren’t real, they weren’t fake/funny like The Onion, they were just sort of weirdly abusive (and neither funny nor really all that clever).

Arts Two (Reviews and Commentary) features an article from CHINA MIEVILLE pleading for a moratorium on apocalyptic movies (amen to that!).  There’s an awesome page that compares Movie posters to DVD covers which made me laugh out loud.  I also enjoyed a look at film reviews of Caddyshack The Blues Brothers and Meatballs from when they came out (oh, David Denby).  A group of 9-13 year old girls reviewed The Fantastic Mr Fox (or not).

For music, we get a graph-heavy CD review section and a look at Thai Pop.  The centerfold is a huge psychedelic chart showing the history of SF bands.   There’s an interview with Thao Ngyuen from Get Down Stay Down (whom I’ve never heard of but which was certainly intriguing).  But by far the best articles were “Where Did the Black People Go” which looks at how UPN & WB (and even the CW) marketed themselves to a black audience, but how now the CW is all about rich young girls.  The other one “I Participate in TV Studio Audenices” gives us a horrifying and hilarious look at what it’s like to be in a studio audience (for a talk show, a cooking show and a game show–Regis, Paula Deen & Howie Mandel behind the scenes).  The final piece is an introduction of artist Kara Walker that was presented by SALMAN RUSHDIE.  I’d never heard of her by the intro was very eloquent, and the sample piece is beautiful.   The back page is a varied and wonderful list of top ten charts.

There’s even Comics!  And, despite the comment that these are comics for all ages, you’d be hard pressed to get kids to enjoy this (frankly awesome) collection of artists’ works: DANIEL CLOWES, ART SPIEGELMAN, ADRIAN TOMINE, CHRIS WARE (with a beautiful, full-page and typically impossible to read spread ), SETH, and JESSICA ABEL.  The back page is called The Rear End and features suggestions like: How to Fake a Horrible Fake Illness; How to Sneak; some bad jokes by JON SCIESZKA (an awesome kids author) and a maze by CARSON ELLIS.  There’s even a cardstock cutout of Rocket Sam from CHRIS WARE’s Issue #7 of the Acme Novelty Library.

There are two magazine sections as well (!).  The first is Panorama Magazine 110 pages (!) of wonderful articles.  I enjoyed this magazine very much, even the pieces that I wasn’t sure I would like at first.  There are a few letters, and then MICHAEL CHABON reviews the new(ish) Big Star box set (which totally makes me want to get it).  There’s a cool article about how travel makes you smarter.  ZEV BOROW writes a somewhat silly piece. CHIP KIDD, a fantastic book jacket designer (and author)writes about the utter failure of design in Amtrak tickets and provides a visual explanation for what is wrong and what would be better.  (Sarah just took an Amtrak train this weekend and I can’t wait to compare her ticket to the article!)

And then, more comics!  After which we get into the longer pieces.  The first, by ANDREW SEAN GREER was outstanding.  It is about the trip that he and his husband took to see a NASCAR event.  The author knows nothing of NASCAR (and according to the quiz his husband gave him, I know just a wee bit more than him), but his husband is a fanatic.  They go, expecting to be mocked for being gay, but they found themselves welcomed, more or less because they were NASCAR fans.  It was funny and eye opening.  The next piece is about Andree McLeod, the woman who may have had a significant hand in forcing Sarah Palin’s resignation.  Learn about her dogged attempts for justice in Alaska.

The cover story is about WAJAHAT ALI a 28 year-old Pakistani American playwright/attorney who attempts to help a local family fight off the seemingly inevitable repossession of their home.  This was wonderfully well written, infuriating and very moving.  MATTHEW KLAM writes about visiting his Hasidic cousin in Israel.  The two grew up together as secular Jews in New York, and he is amazed to finally go over and see just what the Hasidic lifestyle is like.  And I have to say, it sounds insane!  Especially to hear his cousin’s children chide him for his lifestyle!

BRENT HOFF, of Wholphin, hosts a roundtable discussion about the state of independent film (hint, there’s a lot made, but very few that will ever be seen).  The longest piece by far is by GIDEON LEWIS-KRAUS; it describes in great detail his walking (with TOM BISSELL, who I just read about in the DFW Tribute in my previous post) the Camino de Santiago.  The Camino is a 500 mile pilgrimage undertaken initially by holy pilgrims, but now done mostly for bragging rights.  I was totally sucked into his story and the emotional roller coaster (and physical toll) he went through.  Bissell, who walked with him, was doing so to get his head straight for a book he is trying to write (which didn’t work).  We hear more about Bissell from Gideon, but Bissell’s own piece was amusing (especially when he reveals that even though they walked 500 miles and told people it was to lose weight,he wound up gaining a pound).

Then, MARY WILLIAMS describes what it’s like to work in the Antarctic for six months (complete with pictures).  Finally there’s a look at Centralia, Pa, the town that has had a coal fire burning under it for the past 40 years or so.  I’ve read about this town before somewhere else, but this is the most extensive and fascinating look at the 6, yes, 6 people who still live there.

The last section is the Panorama Book Review (96 more pages–this whole Issue is HUGE!).  It opens with the lament that newspapers are dumping their arts, especially their book reviews section even though this is a section that many people (especially readers) would love to see expanded (and which seems to draw the richest ad revenue as well).  I really enjoyed the reviews here.  They maintained a style similar to the reviews in The Believer.  In fact, this magazine itself was similar to a Believer issue.  The difference being that there are some new short stories in it.  (And it that respect it is finally seems like a McSweeney’s issue).

It opens with several letters (which are actual letters from authors about where they currently are (Mumbai, Lagos, Lima).  And then the reviews begin.  There’s an excellent review of How Markets Fail.  And a review by CHRIS ADRIAN of Generosity: An Enchantment.  A review if Chinua Achebe’s new collection.  And of E.L. Doctorow’s new novel.  Although my favorite item is the review if Edna O’Brien’s 44 year-old novel August is a Wicked Month, which was banned in Ireland when it was published and which sounds fantastic.

There are also several pieces about education, reading and encouraging others (especially young people) to read.  “Reading Like a Teacher” is one, and the DAVE EGGERS interview with JUNOT DIAZ focused on encouraging young people to read (and is also hilarious).

While “The FBI Thinks I’m Pretty” is a funny/twisted look at an Iranian writer in America.  [UPDATE: January 18: I erred big time in summarizing this story.  But I swear it’s wasn’t any kind of jingositic, American myopia that made me write Iranian (or, hell, maybe it was), it was just bad memory on my part.  So, let me correct officially, the author of the piece, is Alia Malek and she is American, but of Syrain descent.  So, clearly, with one word I messed up her history to an astonishing degree.  I’m not sure why I remembered the story as being about an Iranian author, I’ll have to go back and re-check it.  But, to make up for my mistake, I’m going to plug her new book:  Now in bookstores, from Simon & Schuster/Free Press — “A Country Called Amreeka: Arab Roots, American Stories” by Alia Malek. www.ACountryCalledAmreeka.com.  I’ve just gone back to look at the piece.  The author’s nationality is not stated, she’s listed as an Arab-American.   So I assumed for an exciting angle she was Iranian.  Whoops!  And now that I’ve written almost as many words about the piece as the piece contains, I’ll just link to it so you can see for yourself.

JOSHUAH BEARMAN, one of my consistently favorite writers in McSweeney’s, contributes an awesome piece about finding the next Fabio.  Literally.  At the Romantic Times conference, one of the highlights is the Mr Romance competition in which participants vote on who the mot romantic (and hunkiest) guy is.  Prizes include an appearance on a future romance novel cover.

There’s also an interview with MIRANDA JULY and JAMES FRANCO, each looking at the challenges of being an actor and a writer (among other artistic endeavors).  There’s also a piece of short fiction from Franco a little later.

GEOFF NICHOLSON writes a great review of J.G. BALLARD’s oeuvre, including a recommended reading list.  And I must say I’ve never really wanted to read Ballard, but his review of The Atrocity Exhibition makes me want to check it out (especially “Why I Want to Fuck Ronald Reagan”).  The second long article looks at post 9/11 literature and how it has been received (poorly, because it is too soon), so something like JONATHAN SAFRAN FOER’s Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close was critcized as being almost insensitive because it dealt so explicitly with the events, whereas DON DELILLO’s Falling Man, written several years later, was given more slack since time heals).

There’s also several charts. The most useful includes a pronunciation guide for oft-mispronounced writers’ names (like most of the authors in this issue).  This is terribly useful, and I hope it is online somewhere.  Another shows novels that have been translated and what their new titles actually mean if translated back to English.  And of course, the very depressing reality called So You Want to Run a Bookstore.  (You must sell 10 hardcover books an hour to break even).

The magazine is also scattered with 4 line poems. Which are always nice to read.

The original fiction includes two Flash Fictions:

DICKY MURPHY-“Witness Protection Bridge”
A funny twist on witness protection programs.

DEB OLIN UNFERTH-“Granted”
A paragraph about loss, that I didn’t get much out of.

Some longer pieces include:

SETH FRIED-“Those of Us in Plaid”
This short story took a little time to get going (not a good feature of a short story) but about half way through it kicked into gear and was pretty good.  It concerns workers who get attached to an experimental monkey.

JAMES FRANCO-“The Actor Prepares”
This is the first story I’ve read by Franco.  My first thought was, if you want to be seen as more than an actor, you shouldn’t write a story about an actor.  Especially one where the main character is called The Actor.  However, the piece was really quite moving and an excellent dramatic look at the emotions that come with acting.

GEORGE SAUNDERS-“Fox 8”
Another story that my first thought was, “why did you have to write it like this?”  This story is from the perspective of a fox. The fox has learned English and the entire story is written in a broken, childish spelling style.  After the initial surprise of this style, however, it works quite well, and allows for a physical aspect to this surprisingly deep story.  Essentially the fox is shocked at the way humans treat foxes.  It sounds simple, almost childish, but there’s a lot going on underneath, and I found it to be an excellent story.

RODDY DOYLE-“The Bandstand”
I save this story for last in the entire publication.  Mostly, that’s because I’m a huge fan of Doyle’s writing (although I must admit I’ve fallen off reading him somewhat and wasn’t even familiar with his new book).  But nevertheless, I was not disappointed. In fact, I was surprised throughout the story.  The first surprise was that it was about a Polish immigrant to Ireland.  The second was that he immigrated because of the Celtic Tiger and was looking for work (a parallel to Mexican in America, whether intentional or not–probably not).  And third was how down on his luck this character was.  The final surprise is the bulk of the story which I will not reveal as it would spoil the entire story.  I will just say that I was completely surprised by just about everything from Chapter 5 on, and kept waiting for the other show to drop.  It was a really great story.  And a great piece to end this mammoth work with.

So, overall–

As an exercise, The Panorama sort of works, although I ‘m not sure why this had to be a newspaper per se as opposed to a magazine (I mean aside from the shape and the quality of the paper)…is the idea that newsprint is so much cheaper?  Or that a newspaper is the only thing that could be a daily?  Regardless, this kind of writing is certainly on the decline in our daily lives and I hope this experiment goes some way to preserving it.

It is also a completely unreasonable undertaking.  If this is supposed to be a paper (even a Sunday one) there’s no way anyone could be expected to read all of the contents.  I have read every word in this issue (skimming some of the sports charts, I admit) and it has taken me over three weeks to finish.  Of course, I suppose if I received it every week, I wouldn’t feel compelled to read every word, as I did here.

Overall, though this was fantastic issue from McSweeney’s .   I mean, the amount of content is tremendous.  And the quality of the reporting (even if most of it is rather regional) was fantastic and even the local stories well worth reading.

This was definitely a very successful venture from McSweeney’s, and I do hope it gets newspeople to sit up and take notice.

But boy is the oversized format of a newspaper a pain in the ass to read!  Which explains why tabloids are so popular.