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Archive for the ‘Authors’ Category

[READ: March 4, 2023] Euphemisms That Get on My You-Know-Whats

I enjoy a good book of lists.  I have learned not to buy them, though–although they are usually good for a read-through.  And this is one of those read-through books (in fact, Adam Sharp has a Twitter account where you can read these lists–if you still have a Twitter account).  Actually I don’t know if he has a “new Twitter” account as I won’t check.

This book was released in Britain in 2020 as The Correct Order of Biscuits, which I think gets the point of the book across a little better than its new title.

The book starts off dubiously with a List of the worst lyrics ever conceived.

7. You look fresh like a salad, so smooth (BTS)
3. Life, oh life, oh life, oh life (Des’ree)
2. Like a tramp in the night, I was begging for you (Samantha Fox)
1. Santa’s on his sleigh but now he’s two metres away (Robbie W)

[I copied this from his Twitter page so I wouldn’t have to type it.  The Twitter page had only five entries and was in a slightly different order, hence the jump from 7 to 3].

So why is this a dubious start.  Because there are so many utterly crap lyrics that these barely scratch the surface.  There’s just too many to choose from and I feel he has limited himself to pop songs.

It picks up with a list of how dogs go woof woof in different languages

8. Voff voff (Icelandic)
7. Lol lol (Tamil)
6. Bup bup (Catalan)
5. Ham ham (Albanian)
4. Woke Woke (Burmese)
3. Gong Gong (Malay)
2. Wang wang (Mandarin)
1. Bawf (Scots)

This is the kind of thing we want.  Possibly verifiable and utterly useless. (more…)

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SOUNDTRACK: hiatus

[READ: May 5, 2023] The Art of Sushi

This beautiful hardbound book is a translation of Alarcon’s L’Art du Sishi.  It is a full on graphic novel style documentary about the process of making sushi–as well as fishing, making sake and growing rice and wasabi.  The book is almost entirely black and white with splashes of color on the sushi itself.

Alarcon has a minimalist style that works perfectly to show off a room that allows you to focus on details as well.

Alarcon starts the book with himself in France making sushi.  He’s proud of it but acknowledges it’s not award-winner.  A friend of his says she can put him in touch with Hachiro Mizutani, master sushi chef with three Michelin stars.

After a brief history lesson into how fish were prepared in Japan over the centuries, there’s a page that shows nine varieties of sushi.

Then it’s on to Hachiro Mizutani’s place, which is, in fact a small room in the upper floor of a building–not a large sushiya at all.  I got a kick out of reading that it’s okay to use your hands, that you should never let your sushi fall apart and (for Hachiro Mizutani at least) no photos!

Hachiro Mizutani gives them a chef’s menu.  16 individual pieces in a very specific order, including a dessert sushi made of shrimp paste and egg.  He prepares it right on front of them.  The next day Hachiro Mizutani takes them to the fish market where he discusses how he picks out fish and why so many foreign chefs (French, in particular since the author is from France) wait  too long to pick the perfect fish.  There’s pictures of men cutting up fish (and even using a sword to cut tuna.

The sword discussion leads to a diversion about the greatest knife makers in Japan–a family who have been making swords and blades for generations.  The Oroshi bocho is used to cut tuna.  The blade can be up to 5 feet long and it is forbidden to take it out of is the fish market.  (Although Yakuza do have them).

Hachiro Mizutani tells them about cutting fish and how his apprentices do most of the work but he always prepares the rice to get it just right.  When he was an apprentcice he slept in the restaurant and for the first four years he did nothing but clean the building–never touched a fish or rice.

They tale a 3:30 AM trip on a boat to watch the Japanese fishermen hauling in their catch, some of which they bring to their next stop.  Okada, a modern sushi chef.  He is not afraid to change things up.

This leads to a trip to rice paddies to learn just how many different types of rice there are in Japan alone.

Okada pairs his sushi with sake.  And the sake comes in specially made ceramic cups.  We meet the ceramicist and his brick oven (it’s pretty cool).  Okada, brings out the heads of the fish they are going to eat as well as the sword from the swordfish.

The next day they are off to a sake factory.  Who knew how much went into making sake and how different the various styles can taste.  There’s even a soy ice cream (which is actually really sweet not salty).

Then it’s off to someone’s house while we watch her make eel sushi.  As well as some artist friends who do a fun homemade spread.  There’s a discussion of how seaweed (nori) is processed and what to look for in the best quality.  And finally Alarcon gets to make another sushi–his is laughable (although it looks fine to me).

The last trip involves them going to a Kaiten Sushi–the affordable alternative where the sushi travels on a conveyor belt.  The food is good and somehow affordable (they pay $10, each, I feel like that’s unlikely in the U.S.)/  Although some things are pretty weird even for them=–grilled salmon with melted cheese?

After a quick run through a store of essential sushi items (it is a massive store), the two non-Japanese speakers head to a restaurant to try to order on their own.  But one of the pieces smells fishy and seems off–they shouldn’t eat it.

The epilogue is back in France and shows how things are necessarily different in France.  How more humane fishing practices are being used but also how chefs, even Japanese chefs have differences to contend with,  Like the kind of fish that is available to them.  Takuya Watanabe is a Japanese chef working in France who has earned a Michelin star.  He tells them about actual wasabi (not the horseradish paste most of us are used to), where it grows and why it is so infrequently used.

Finally, it’s off to Yannick Alléno and his L’Abysse, a large restaurant dedicated to sushi.  His main chef is Yasunari Okazaki has been training for years and is not afraid to make traditional sushi as well as contemporary French version of sushi.  Like Tuna tartare with sliced hazelnuts grilled with a blowtorch, or even Strawberries with a sugar crust and nori (there are no desserts at sushiya in Japan).

The book ends with some recipes.  Which are all pretty cool looking but which I’ll never try.

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[READ: March 10, 2021] Things Are Against Us

I loved Ellmann’s book Ducks, Newburyport so much that I had intended to read all of her books.

So I’ve gone back and read some of her previous novels.  Which I found to be…okay.  They were mildly amusing with some very personal diatribes thrown in to put some passion into these otherwise comic novels.

Then I saw that she had a recent collection of essays, which I thought might be really interesting.

I agree about 95% with everything Ellmann says in this book.  And yet I hated this book more than almost anything I’ve read recently.  And I think I’m not going to bother reading the other novels that I haven’t read yet, since the other two weren’t that great anyhow.

Ellmann’s style in these essays is so unpleasant, so superior and self-righteous, so… (and I hate to use this word because of the anti-feminist implications of it but it is definitionally accurate) strident, that I almost didn’t finish most of the essays (I forced my way through to the end of all of them).  Strident, btw: “presenting a point of view, especially a controversial one, in an excessively and unpleasantly forceful way.  I mean, that is this book to a T.”

In the past, strident women have been very important to many movements.  But hen your arguments are so scattershot, it’s hard for your stridency to be a positive force.

“Things Are Against Us”
In this essay Ellmann all caps the word THINGS every time she writes it.  On the first page (which is half a page not including the title), THINGS appears over 30 times.  The tone is kind of amusing–about how things get in our way and cause us trouble: Things slip out of your hand; things trip you, things break.  Then each following paragraph gets more specific.  Clothes tear, socks don’t stay up.  Matches won’t light, water bottles spill. Then she gets into the body.  In her novel Doctors & Nurses she lists 12 pages of bodily ailments.  So there’s not much new here.  And there’s no real point.  It doesn’t end with any grand idea.  It just stops. (more…)

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[READ: December 20, 2022] Skelton’s Guide to Suitcase Murders

I admit that I thought this book was called Skeleton’s Guide… which I thought as very funny.

But it turns out that Skelton is a barrister (and this is the second book in the Skelton series).  David Stafford is a British writer who has written largely for TV and theatre until he started writing novels.  He has written plays with Alexei Sayle (for fans of The Young Ones).

This mystery is set in 1929.  That setting allows Stafford to avoid any kind of contemporary details that might help speed the case along.  But it’s written in such a way that you’re not frustrated by it–you can simply get into the nearly 100 year old technology (and lack thereof).

In November 1929, a woman’s corpse is discovered in a suitcase.  She is identified and her husband, Doctor Ibrahim Aziz becomes the prime suspect.  They find some evidence and there is a rumor that she was cheating on him.  So clearly he is guilty.  Especially since he’s not from England–he’s Egyptian.

Arthur Skelton is a barrister.  He’s not 100% successful, but he gives his all in hopeless cases.  So he is called in to represent Aziz.

Skelton is concerned for diplomatic matters if Aziz is executed here.  He is related to a wealthy and well-connected family back in Egypt.

The story, despite dealing with a gruesome murder, has some funny moments.  Skelton’s clerk Edgar is trying to lose weight and is quite miserable. (more…)

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[READ: December 2022] The Other Ones

The premise of this book sounded really interesting and potentially very funny. A story about the people who did NOT participate when the office pool won the lottery.

It sounds funny but as you think of it, you realize just how sad of a story it’s going to be.

The other ones are Yoder, Lawson, Chastain, Craver, Roberson, Russell and Gibbons.  On the first page, these names are listed like a cast of characters–each in a different font that I suppose characterizes each person.

Each subsequent chapter is about that person (in third person).

The book opens with Yoder jumping off of the roof of their building.  He can’t believe al of those horrible people–the people he has zero respect for–could have won millions of dollars. But when his next chapter comes up, we discover  that Yoder is a ghost and he is kind of the overarching narrator of the story because he comments on all of the winners (in his highly disgusted manner): Mowery (Toby Keith shirt, MAGA hat), Cowens (who goes on a Kiss Kruise), Pappas (expensive virtual reality system), Czuba, Fitzgerald and Garner (Garner is the worst because not only doesn’t he splurge, he intends to keep going to work).

Yoder wakes first in that asshole Cowen’s house.  The next day he wakes up in Pappas’ house and tries to plunge a knife into his own heart–it does nothing.  Then it’s that asshole Mowery.  When he wakes up in Mancus’ house he hears the guy playing a terrible song “chew tobacco chew tobacco chew tobacco Spit!” (I had no idea it was a real song).

Next is Lawson.  Lawson has no idea that they won when he pulls into the parking lot.  he decides to go to a writing workshop–to pursue a life he’s actually interested in.

Chastain (her last name) isn’t sure whether to laugh or cry.  She owes almost $30,000 in student loans.  (more…)

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[READ: January 20, 2023] Doctors & Nurses 

When I requested Sweet Desserts, I also requested Doctors & Nurses. I didn’t know the order of her books, I just picked the two that were the first ones on the list.

Doctors & Nurses is similar to Sweet Desserts in that it is short (although it is actually 50 pages longer) and has short chapters.  But otherwise it is very different.  Desserts was a fairly serious book about two sisters (and a lot of sex).  This book is a farcial romp (with a lot of sex).

Comments online said the cover looked like a chick lit book, but it looks to me more like a cartoon from Playboy from the 1970s.

And it kind of reads like that too.

While Sweet Desserts bounced back and forth between past and present and the focus shifted between the main character and her sister, this story focuses pretty squarely on Jen, a fat nurse who is misanthropic and really seems to hate everyone.

There is one notable and peculiar thing about this book that is never addressed nor explained.  Every pages has SEVERAL words that are written in all capital LETTERS for, and I’m not trying to be obtuse about this, no reason that I can READILY determine.  I admit that I didn’t put a lot of TIME into trying to figure it out, BUT it is very peculiar.

The book opens with a scene of a rock and a gorge and the rock perpetually invading the gorge’s precious space.  It’s remarkably graphic sexually, as far as a rock and a gorge can have sex that is.

But that has nothing to do with the rest of the story (until the every end) which is about a nurse named Jen.  Jen is angry most of the time (the list of thing she hates is extensive).  And the tone is set pretty early. (more…)

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[READ: January 20, 2023] Sweet Desserts

I absolutely loved Ellmann’s Ducks, Newburyport.  It was unlike anything else I had read up to that point.  I also assumed it was her first book because I hadn’t heard of her before and there wasn’t really any talk of her previous books.

But it turns out that she had written many books before Ducks–and they all seem to be very different in style from Ducks.

This novel, her debut, is so radically different as to be almost from a different author.

This is, as I understand it, a semi-autobiographical story.  Well, the entire bio we get from her on the back of the book is “born in Illinois and moved to England, somewhat unwillingly, at the age of thirteen.”  In the novel, the main character is Suzy Schwarz, an American girl who is moved to England when her mother dies.

The book is short (150 pages) and each chapter is roughly three or four pages.   It opens with Suzy as yet unborn and her older sister Franny as the center of attention.  Suzy was sickly when she was born and Franny rather doted on her–although Franny was always clearly the one in charge.

Every chapter has excerpts from other things quoted in it–often without context.   One chapter about the young girls has a recipe for for cooking eels.

The story jumps back and forth between England and America.  In England, when the women are older, they have sex a lot (Ellmann does not hold back on the explicitness, she loves sex and wants women to have lots of orgasms).

There is a lot about food in the book because Fran develops a weight problem (Ellmann talks a lot about women with weight problems).  Later Suzy buys Colossus magazine (a porn about large women) and admires the personal ads: Huge Sue (84-70-73) Where did she fine Size 73 knickers?. (more…)

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[LISTENED TO: February 2023] Kill the Queen

One of the fun things about the Chirp audiobook app is that it is constantly recommending books by authors that i have never heard of.  Since I have learned that I really enjoy listening to genres that I don’t especially enjoy reading, I ‘ve been thrilled with all of the unknown (to me) authors that I’m now exposed to.

I didn’t know anything about Jennifer Estep, but the blurb seemed promising.  And, yes, there was something cool about the cover–a medieval looking story but the protagonist is in leather pants.  I know–don’t judge, etc.  But whatever, I gave it a try.

The one bad thing about audio books is you don’t know how certain words are written.  The narrator (Lauren Fortgang–absolutely excellent with a great diversity of voices at her disposal) kept saying Bolognian.  But I now see that it is written Bellonan,  Oh well, no harm.

As the book opens we meet Evie.  Her parents were once King and Queen.  But they were killed when she was young and she had been orphaned and taken in by the Bellonan people.  She was more or less relegated to the level of hanger-on.  Since then, she has been dismissed and even mocked by her more prominent cousins (Evie is 17th in line for the throne now).

She spends her time as an apprentice to a metalsmith.

As mentioned, there’s some anachronism about this story.  It is fantasy with the whole swords and gladiators thing running through the story.  There is also magic.  I rather like the way the magic is presented in the book.  Certain people have it.  Certain people can accentuate it with magical objects.  But some people have none or, as in the case of Evie, they are mutts and their magic is diluted. (more…)

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SOUNDTRACK: hiatus

[READ: October 2022] Robo Sapiens : Tales of Tomorrow

I received this book at work and was intrigued to read it (Manga style right to left).  It is a collection of connected stories that form a solid plot.

The premise is fairly straightforward–it is the future and robots are now “cyber-persons” with A.I. brains with their own culture.

The story opens with a robot salvager relating Simon Chan’s case.  Chan was over 120 years old and only called on the main character because the story had to be kept hush hush.

His request was straightforward–find a robot that he has lost fifty years ago. But the realty was more difficult–in the last fifty years it was probably scrapped.  But Chan was insistent–Letitia is still alive.

The back story is that Chan and Letitia were the IT couple of the day fifty years ago.  But when he lost her to an accident, he went into seclusion. A year later he returned to the public eye with a robotic Letitia–this was long before such a thing was accepted.  The story has an interesting twist involving the true identity of Simon Chan.

The second story is one of romance between characters who believe they are robots and are visiting the site of a robotic graveyard, Robot Hill.

Story three is a nearly wordless story about chromobots travelling through time to caveman days. (more…)

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[READ: June 25, 2022] The End of the World is Flat

I received this book at work and was instantly intrigued by the title and the blurb that described “A comedy featuring Christopher Columbus, a tech billionaire and a local delusion.”

The book opens with Christopher Columbus waiting to be given the go ahead to sail around the globe.  His flat earth sailors all believe that they will fall off the edge of the earth, but Columbus is convinced otherwise.

Then the story jumps to the present. Mel is the head of the charitable company called Orange Peel.  Mel single handedly created and developed orange peel with a singular goal in mind: to get anyone involved with maps (from teachers to Google) to stop using the Mercator map which is inherently flawed both in design and in the way it makes South America look less significant.  Rather, they should use the orange peel map projection (it looks like four small ovals attached to each other).

If you don’t know what any of this refers to, its worth looking into the history of maps to see just how wrong our standard (Mercator) understanding of the globe is.

When Google agreed to change their usage of the Mercator to the Orange Peel she feel that her job was done.  Mel had created a small but influential company and yet they had completed their goal–there was nothing more for them to do.  She intended to quietly close up shop and give everyone an excellent reference.

But the board that Mel had hired to look after things for her had other ideas.  They didn’t want to end things there, so they asked her assistant Shane to meet with a billionaire who had an idea for the next stage of the company.

While Mel was talking to Google, Shane was talking to tech billionaire Joey Talavera who is married to Crystal Vardashian.  The last name there is a non too subtle jab at someone (although Crystal turns out to have a level head and some good ideas.  But I’m not sure if Talavera is supposed to be someone or other.

Anyhow, Talavera talks to Shane, shows off his amazing house (one of his houses) and then says he wants to dump a lot of money at Orange Peel to promote his own cause.

Back in the boardroom when Mel saw the proposal (just before she walked out) she thought it was a joke,  But the board saw money in it and so, they agreed to take on Joey’s idea.  Which is that they world is flat and everyone knows it–but higher up people are working to keep it under wraps. (more…)

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