SOUNDTRACK: THE HANDSOME FAMILY-“Capitol City” (from WILCOvered, UNCUT Magazine November 2019).
The November 2019 issue of UNCUT magazine had a cover story about Wilco. It included a 17 track CD of bands covering Wilco (called WILcovered or WILCOvered). I really enjoyed this collection and knew most of the artists on it already, so I’m going through the songs one at a time.
I’ve know of The Handsome Family for a long time, but I’m not sure if I’ve ever heard them before. “Capitol City” is also a bit of a mystery. It appeared on a Wilco bonus disc (for the deluxe edition of The Whole Love). I assumed it had something to do with The Simpsons, but I guess it doesn’t.
This is a kind of honky-tonk version with banjo and “gadgets” as part of the lineup. It’s fun with lots of weird sound effects swirling around this otherwise conventional song.
I wish you were here. Better yet, I wish I was there with you.
[READ: February 20, 2020] Princeless: Volume 4
Sir Gahiji the Hunter has learned that Adrienne is actually not dead and is in fact the knight they are all after. He shares this information with the Black Knight. They instantly fight and the Black Knight knocks out Gahiji (or Cat Hat, since he wears a wolves’ head on his head).
Adrienne and Bedelia are headed for Grimmorium Swamp. Bedelia tells of some horrible things that live there: flesh eating goblins, swamp creatures, electric fish, squirrels… real live squirrels! (The squirrel revelation is pretty great).
Back at the castle, the King grabs Devin and brings him along to the forest where the encounter the remains of the Queen’s carriage. The King says he thinks the Black Knight is responsible. The King then introduces Devin to the wolves (Kira scares the daylights out of him).
Amazingly Devin and Kira soon bond well enough. The leader of the wolves says that he wishes his daughter were inquisitive like Devin. The King says he’d rather have Kira in battle–he’s seen rabbits with more courage than his son. In the background we see Kira and Devin climbing all over his mother’s empty chest. When he comes out he stands tall and says “I’m going on a quest to save my mother!”
When Adrienne and Bedelia arrive at the swamp, Bedelia has been captured by goblins. Adrienne goes to save her but gets stuck in the swamp. Soon enough they are both being carried by goblins while hogtied to poles. The Goblin king raises his arms and says Welcome to the Massacre!
Book two opens with a hilarious misunderstanding. He didn’t mean massacre, he meant masks…you know… masquerade. “It comical misunderstanding.”
The misunderstanding leads to a huge feats with them celebrating Adrienne and Bedelia. They toast to the champions. Champions of what? Well, they are going to fight the Grimmorax–a massive horrifying plant monster with huge teeth and tentacles” “its boundless anger is matched only by its hunger for goblins.”
Back in the forest, the wolf leader says that Kira should go with Devin. She does not want to, and he doesn’t want her to. But the fathers insist. Which means Kira has to learn to ride a horse, because humans aren’t really accustomed to seeing a wolf, much less one that can turn into a human. The scenes of her picking out a horse (who are naturally terrified of her) is very funny. As is the horse she ultimately picks.
Unbeknownst to the youngsters, the fathers have made a deal that if she makes him worthy of being called king, she will be his queen.
The fight withe Grimmorax is totally one sided. The Grimmorax has never been defeated. Until a pink fire-breathing dragon walks into the swamp and suddenly the goblins have a new champion.
The goblins also provide Adrienne and Bedelia with a guide to get through the swamp. The goblin has a card: “Deloris Grunkmore” And it’s embossed! Where would she even?
Soon enough, the goblin leader is resting on Sparky with his assistant. He tells his assistant that all they needed to do to get rid of a bloodthirsty evil monster was to get their own bloodthirsty evil monster. The assistant says you shouldn’t call the dragon evil. But the leader says the dragons’s just a dumb creature not sophisticated like goblins. This leader is then suddenly pinned under Sparky’s foot while the assistant (who speaks dragon) says that the dragon is actually a She and Her name is Sparky.
While under Sparky’s foot it’s confession time and the leader admits that he’s the one who brought the Grimmorax to the swamp in the first place as a way to keep peasants in lie. It got a little out of hand. The assistant is furious–he has lost so many friends and relatives and soon enough he is pounding on the leader, too. Then the Grimmorax grabs the leader and eats him.
Sparky comes to the rescue again and with one breath makes the whole beast crumble. They assume it’s dead until the look under the clumps of vegetation and see what a Grimmorax is–a creature with the power to move vines and branches and trees and such, but a creature who is also adorable! (what a hilarious and unexpected twist).
Adrienne and Bedelia arrive at Angoisse’s castle. She is happy to see Adrienne but has to ask what happened to her hair. In the castle Bedelia attacks a man she thinks is a zombie, but who turns out to be Sir Raphael the Handsome, a knight hired by the king to get revenge on Adriene’s killer and, also, Angoisse’s new boyfriend. Once he comes to, he is a charming charismatic hunk. Bedelia: “What a man! I want one.”
But of course he’s not a sweet man at all. And he tells Angoisse that he needs her to help him poison her sister’s food to bring her back to the king.
The dinner is a feast and Adrienne eats two steaks (while the goblin eats a plate). But when Angoisse reveals she couldn’t hurt her sister, Rafael shows his true vampire nature (he’s easily angered).
The adorableness between the Grimmorax and Sparky continues and that’s when the Grimmorax tells them that it has never eaten anyone–the reveal of this is awesome as well.
The final battle scene comes down to Rafael and Adrienne. Adrienne is the better swordsperson, but Rafael is a vampire and he grabs her and jumps out the window to her certain death.
The vampire plotline doesn’t end on a cliffhanger–it ends on a hilarious series of jokes because Angoisse winds up punching him in the nose and now all of his suave charisma has been spoiled because he has a terrible speech impediment because of his broken nose and his threats have lost some of their impact.
The tidying up of Angoisse’s story is wonderful–two surprises in one.
The book ends with Adrienne saying they are now going after her twin sisters far up in the mountains of the rim. This is also where Sparky was raised so Adrienne promises her that they will stop by the farm. It’s also where dwarfs are from and Bedelia says they can go home and have a nice evening “with Greatnarn and Groggy.” Adrienne: “those aren’t words.”
Oh but they are. And we’ll meet them in Volume 5
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