I Just Read About That…

   SOUNDTRACK: WAXAHATCHEE-Tiny Desk Concert #321 (November 23, 2013).

Waxahatchee is pretty much Katie Crutchfield.  The band recently played a show near me and I wondered if it was a band or just her.

This might be as intimate as hearing Katie Crutchfield sing in her basement. That’s where she and her sister would play guitar, write and sing songs 10 years ago, when she was 14. Katie and Allison Crutchfield had a band back in Birmingham together, The Ackleys; these days, Katie performs as Waxahatchee, while Allison’s band is called Swearin’.

The songs Waxahatchee brought to the NPR Music offices aren’t just stripped down for this Tiny Desk Concert, this is Katie Crutchfield as Waxahatchee, spare and exposed; this is what she does. Sometimes there’s a drummer (her sister’s boyfriend Kyle Gilbride) and at other times another guitarist, her boyfriend Keith Spencer (both play in Swearin’), but even on Waxahatchee’s second album, Cerulean Salt, there are plenty of bare-boned songs. This is intimate music for an intimate setting, as we got to stand in careful silence, listening intently and capturing this frail and powerful performance.

And all of that is true.   These are pretty, quiet folk songs.  They are so quiet it almost seems like she doesn’t have her amp on—you can hear her pick striking against the strings.

To me the power of these songs is in the lyrics, and yet the music isn’t boring or simple either.  Her chords are always, if not interesting, then certainly spot on.  But I keep coming back to the lyrics.  Like the end of “I Think I Love You”

I want you so bad it’s devouring me / and I think I love you but you’ll never find out.

Her speaking voice is quiet too, and after the first song she admits, “This is one of the coolest things I have ever gotten to do.”

“Bathtub” has this wonderfully intense line:

And I tell you not to love me
But I still kiss you when I want to
And I lament, you’re innocent
But somehow the object of my discontent
And it’s fucked up, I let you in
Even though I’ve seen what can happen

The entire Tiny Desk Concert is only 9 minutes–which is simply too short.  I know that the Tiny Desk Concerts usually have bands play 3 songs, but when they are mostly short ones like “Tangled Envisioning” (not even 3 minutes), they could tack on an extra one or two.

[READ: August 30, 2016] Science: Ruining Everything Since 1543

Zach Weinersmith writes the daily webcomic Saturday Morning Breakfast Cereal.  I supported the Kickstarter project for this book because it looked frankly hilarious.  The one thing I have to say off the bat is that I don’t love his drawing style.  There’s something about it that I simply can’t get into.  Even after two full books of these drawings, it just never gels for me.  But that’s fine. because I’m here for the jokes.  And they are awesome.

The book is comprised of the best religion-themes comic from the 13 years that SMBC has been around.  There’s also a whole slew of comics that are exclusive to this book.

We are greeted with this: “For these drawings, the part of God is played by a giant yellow disc.”

The jokes start off a little slow, but they soon get really good (and dark).  Like the man asking God “Why do bad things happen to good people?”  God’s answer: “Because it’s funny.”  Or the even better answer: “Holy Crap!  You humans can think? Oh man.  You guys must be pissed.”

There’s a wonderfully offensive one about Jesus up the cross thing, wondering: “What the?  Oh God think, Jesus, think.  How drunk were you last night?”  Or Jesus’ oft forgotten sermon on passive aggression “if your neighbor strikes you, turn the other cheek then your neighbor feels like a total dick.”

There’ s bunch of jokes about good people going to hell: “God works in mysterious ways.”   Or how hell is just minor irritants for eternity.  Atheist hell is simply an eternity of hearing poorly reasoned arguments for the devil’s existence.  My favorite has to be the devil saying “another professor of philosophy?  “Here’s your copy of Atlas Shrugged Part 2  Its great! Evey time you read a page it gets two pages longer.”

There’s also a funny one where god plays a practical joke.

Some of the hell jokes aren’t even exactly religious, like the Sys Admin hell, which is a great IT joke.

Or how about you the concept that you get a second in heaven for every good deed you did on earth.

There’s also God being exasperated with humanity because of the miracles they request .  Or the wonderful multi-panel strip in which God’s words are telephone-transformed into the Westboro Baptist Church, making Jesus very sad indeed

Spiderman converted a lot of kids from Jesus is very funny.  And the disciples getting jests to fall into a swimming pool (on four separate occasions) is great.  There’s also a great twist on the meek inheriting the earth (who gets heaven then?) or a literal interpretation of Noah’s Ark and the rainbow with God saying he won’t kill everyone with another flood:  “It’s like a guy who comes by a couple times a month, strokes a loaded gun, says not gonna kill everyone again, then leaves.

But it’s not all Christian religious jokes.  There’s a good one about the Dali Lama taking hostages “Tell us what you want”  “I desire nothing. hahahahaha.”  Monks who failed to achieve enlightenment were given the alternate answer to “what is the sound of one hand clapping.”

There’s even a Norse mythology joke about Loki tying his balls to a goat’s beard.  Or a child praying to Zeus and him telling him he’s only really got two powers–lightning and turning into plants and animals for erotic purposes.

How about if everyone misheard the conceit of the Buddhas No-self as nose elf?

Then there’s really interesting ones like when God punishes humans by eliminating sex, their revenge is swift and awesome.  Or the hilarious one with the boy who writes to “Deer Jesus.”

And the Calvinist genie is pretty awesome.  Or that Gods punishment for humans being vain is to give them butts.

One of the best retorts comes near the end.  “Dear Lord why do bad things happen to good people?”  After a few responses from God the girl says “somehow you’ve provided no information yet completely answered my question.”  The retort: “Mysterious ways douchebag!”

And then some specific ones about abusive priests.”All we did was claim to speak for God and suddenly we are held to a higher standard?”

He does a great twist on William Paley and his Watchmaker argument.

I also love this great advice: “the best way to ruin a protest is to join it badly (the sign that is irrelevant to the protest is great).

And who wouldn’t laugh at a book of religious based comic that ends with God saying, “God Dammit”

While the science book needed some familiarity with science to get some of the jokes, most of these are pretty straightforward.  And obviously if you have no sense of humor about religion, this is not for you.