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Archive for the ‘Threats’ Category

SOUNDTRACK: “TNT” – A Minecraft Parody of Taio Cruz’s “Dynamite” (2011).

How do you top Clark’s favorite song?  By making a parody of it in the style of his favorite game!  This song and video are based on the game Minecraft, Clark’s most recent obsession.  The song is funny, mostly.  It’s got to be hard to think up a full songs worth of parody material–one verse is easy, Sarah and I do that all the time.  But the chorus is a good one: “I shoot my arrows in the air sometimes/saying ay-oh, creeper’s KO’d.”

The music is pretty good (although the vocals aren’t quite as strong as the original).  But the video is really quite funny, and well crafted.

So, enjoy the video:

By the way, Clark hasn’t seen this yet…I’m kind of afraid he’ll never leave the computer if he does.

[READ: mid-June 2012] The Secrets of Droon: SE8

After 44 books the saga has ended.

Will the kids rescue Eric?  Will the kids stop Gethwing?  Will the kids stop Ko?  And what will happen to the kids if they do save Droon?  Does this mean their quest, and their adventures in Droon, are at an end?

As this book opens we are reminded of the ancient prophecy that Gethwing is immortal.  Gethwing has even told of the prophecy himself:

Five shall pass away, four shall wear the crown, three shall fall, two shall rise together and one…

What about the one?

What can this prophecy mean?  Gethwing knows: The five are the cycles of Droon’s millennial calendar.  The four are  the Crown of Wizards–Sparr, Neffu, Ungast and Gethwing; The three include Ko (who has fallen to his death) and Zara (long dead).  And the two are Eric (as Ungast) and Gethwing, rising together.  But the funny thing about prophecies is that they can be read different ways (and there’s a wonderful payoff to the prophecy at the end of the book). (more…)

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SOUNDTRACK: TAIO CRUZ-“Dynamite” (2010).

Anyone who reads this blog knows that I love music–all kinds of music.  So how did I wind up with a seven-year old who is indifferent to music.  It took going to Cub Scouts, gym class and a friend who is far more opinionated than he is to finally get a song that he liked.  Taio Cruz’ “Dynamite.”

I don’t know anything about Cruz.  I think I had vaguely heard the song at some point (parts sound familiar but it’s not a terribly original song so it could have been anything).  I also had no idea this song was two years old.  I assumed it was a 2012 hit.  Huh.

So, it may not be the greatest song in the world, but hearing my son sing first the melody to himself while he played and then singing the lyrics when he figured them out and then even dancing around a little bit to them (showing off a bit for our friends–a major breakthrough), it makes this song pretty important to me too.

I even noticed him expressing interest in thudding bass notes coming out of a passing car (god help me).  But hey, I throw my hands up in the air sometimes saying Ay oh, gotta let go.

I just hope he doesn’t see the video for a few more years.

[READ: mid-June 2012] The Secrets of Droon: 35, 36 & SE7

These are the final few books of the Droon Series (except for Special Edition 8 which actually ends the series).  Clark and I were pretty excited to get to these two final-numbered books.  And it was worth the build up.  And, of course, it was wonderful to see a whole book devoted to Neal.

Book #35 is The Lost Empire of Koomba.  The cover drawing is really quite beautiful.  I haven’t talked about the art much in the series. It’s kind of cartoony (which works for the tone), but this cover and the next are striking in their realism. It’s very cool.  At one point I think I noticed a change in style of the art within–I didn’t like it quite as much.  But the covers, wow.

At the End of SE#6, Eric told the kids that they had 5 Droon days before Gethwing would begin his all-out assault on Droon.  So, they have five days to get the elixir that will be the antidote to his poison, they need to find the Moon medallion.  Oh and they need to find Galen, and, geez, stop every outpost in Droon from being destroyed.

So who would have guessed that this book would be located primarily in a place we’ve never seen before—the lost Empire of Koomba.  Koomba was a beautiful city in the desert.  But over the years the city disappeared and all that is left is a star-shaped dune and a small trading post.  But it’s more like the Bermuda triangle with travelers getting lost and things going missing every time anyone approaches. (more…)

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SOUNDTRACK: THE FLAMING LIPS-Due to High Expectations…The Flaming Lips are Providing Needles for Your Balloons EP (1994).

This EP came after the success of Transmissions from the Satellite Heart and the single “She Don’t Use Jelly.”  Naturally that is not the single here, rather it is “Bad Days,” a new song tha sounds of the period.  As does “Jets Part 2 (My Two Days As An Ambulance Driver)” a fuzzed out trip.

“Ice Drummer” is a primarily acoustic but still distorted song.  It’s kind of boppy and light which is odd since it is a cover of a Suicide song.   “Put the Waterbug in the Policeman’s Ear’ is a demo with strings and piano.  It also has a very lengthy introduction in which Wayne explains his brother’s proclivity for drugs and his belief that he can control bugs (and have them attack the policeman who is trying to arrest him).  It was recorded on a boombox.

“Chewin’ the Apple of Yer Eye” is a live version recorded at a record studio.  It has nice guitars with scritchy violins.  “Chosen One” is a cover of a Bill Callahan song at the same venue.  There’s a lengthy introduction explaining that it’s a cover and why he likes it so much.  It’s a nice version, very stripped down.  “Little Drummer Boy” is a travesty, but a good one (and is 1,000 times better than their version of “White Christmas.)”

“Slow-Nerve-Action” is a live version apparently broadcast on a Top 40 radio station.  The squall of noise as the song opens would frighten off anyone listening to Top 40, but the middle of the song’s acoustic section is rather pleasant (if not a little scratchy and staticky).  Although this EP racks in at 44 minutes long, it’s really not that essential (although the live versions are nice).

[READ: May-July 2012] Deadly Kingdom

If you have any kind of animal phobias–literally any kind: snakes, sharks, spider, rodents, bugs, stay away from this book.  Indeed, even if you don’t have this kind of phobia, you may after reading this book.  As the title says, this book tells you every single conceivable way that an animal can kill you–from biting to clawing to stomping to crushing to infections to diseases to parasites to long lingering diseases to numbness to elephantiasis (and that’s just chapter 1).  Somehow the author is not afraid of everything that moves, and is even a collector (with his wee son) of all manner of unusual creepy crawlies–tarantulas, hissing cockroaches and the like.

Sarah bought me this book for my birthday because David Sedaris recommended it when we saw him speak.  When Sedaris read from it, it was funny but dark.  Sedaris’ comment that “Monkeys are such assholes “was certainly borne out by the book.  Sedaris’ other comment–if you ever feel bad about eating meat, just read this book–is also completely accurate.  Even cows can be assholes.  This book is hard to digest in large doses.  I found that I had to put the book down after a section or two because there’s only so much you-will-die-if-you-do-this reading that I could take.

Grice has done a ton of research–he has looked into all manner of medical and death records and talked to lots of scientists around the world.  And he breaks the book into five major categories: The Carnivorids, Aquatic Dangers, The Reptiles and Birds, The Arthropods and Worms and Other Mammals.  The introduction more or less explains his origin story for being interested in deadly animals–a cougar was on his Oklahoma panhandle property when he was six years old.  His grandfather dispatched it, but he had to stay safely in the car during the ordeal.  And he has been curious ever since.

The introduction also contextualizes the violence that animals do to humans.  Is it all defensive (as we take over more and more land, it’s hard to know exactly what is defensive) or is it straight out aggressive. But he says the hardest part about this kind of descriptor is that “besides our usual biased views of all the parties involved, is that violence rouses strong emotions.  We are almost forced to take sides with the injured humans or the slandered animals….  Many writers depict virtually all animal attacks as “provoked” by the victim.  On the other side, some writers are at pains to paint dangerous animals as monsters of cruelty.  All of these views are simplistic.” (xxiii). (more…)

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SOUNDTRACK: グラスハープ ハリーポッター HarryPotter [The Harry Potter theme played on wine glasses] (2011).

I have always been fascinated by musical wine glasses.  And it’s always fun to find a glass that you can play music on (it definitely won’t happen at the diner).   And if you can find a couple, it’s great fun to play different notes with different amounts of water.

I will never have at my disposal enough glasses to do this.  I think I could probably figure it out on glasses if I had enough time (and glassware).  But since that will never happen, I will just enjoy this.  It works especially well for the fantasy genre–some wonderfully spooky sounds.

Incidentally I included this song here because I have mentioned before that people accuse this series of ripping off Harry Potter.  You know, because there’s three protagonists and magic.  I’m not going to speak to that because it’s silly.  But I did want to mention that in one of these books (and I’ve now forgotten which one, which is driving me crazy), the kids say something about “You know who” and Eric’s mom says “Voldemort?”  That had me laughing out loud (although since Clark doesn’t know Harry Potter yet–you see, some books are meant for younger kids) he didn’t get the joke.

[READ: April 2012] The Secrets of Droon: Books 32-34 & SE#6

Droon grows more and more exciting with each book.  I have high hopes that we may finish this series before Clark’s school is over (sometimes it’s fun to set little goals for ourselves, even if they are meaningless).  [Since this is being published after he finished school, I know whether this came true or not, but you’ll have to wait to find out]. (more…)

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SOUNDTRACK: JULIET-“My First Hardcore Song” (2012).

Lars from NPR (I’m just going to call him Thor from now on) pointed me to this song.

Juliet is 8 years old and while she didn’t write the music, she sings all the words (and one assumes wrote the lyrics, right?).  Juliet can scream with the best of them.

And, of course when she opened up the pit, it made me want to get our pit ready at home, too….

There have been replies and haters, but none can compare to the original.  Juliet has destroyed out Old Skull as my favorite pre-adolescent hardcore band.

ooooooooooooooooooooh.  Oh.

[READ: April 2012] The Secrets of Droon: Books 29-31 & SE#5

Droon grows more and more exciting with each book.  I have high hopes that we may finish this series before Clark’s school is over (sometimes it’s fun to set little goals for ourselves, even if they are meaningless).  [Since this is being published after he finished school, I know whether this came true or not, but you’ll have to wait to find out].

Book 29 is Pirates of the Purple Dawn.  One of the fun things about Droon is that old enemies keep coming back.  In this book, an old enemy Ving, king of the hawk bandits of Tarkoom, comes back (from book 11!).  But this time, he has brought his twin sister Ming with him.  I enjoyed that although they are twins they not only don’t really like each other they’re not all that alike–Ving hates the water and Ming is in charge of a group of pirates!  They plan to bring dragons back from the past to destroy Droon.

The book opens up in a funny/tense way.  Eric is in school but he is dreaming of Droon.  And then he starts talking in his sleep–telling the whole class about Droon and even firing a fireball at the blackboard!  This gets the kids in class very excited–one even wants to go on a field trip to Eric’s house to see Droon herself!  And things grows even more chaotic when Galen’s twin Nelag shows up and confuses things tenfold.  When the kids finally get to Droon, they journey to the land of Jabar-Loo.

After this funny intro, things get more serious.  There is a Purple Dawn, which means a rift in time (which means Clark will have a slightly hard time grasping everything).  This means that they have to go see Portentia the oracle who was around for the first Purple Dawn.  Things grows even more serious when the pirates kidnap Keeah–as if  the kids didn’t have enough to worry about.  And what about that green mist and the vision that Eric had? (more…)

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SOUNDTRACK: BEN FOLDS-“Rockin’ the Suburbs [Over the Hedge version]” (2006).

I love Ben Folds. And I love this song.  But it is not in any way kid friendly (he threatens to cuss on the mic and he does–a lot).  So I was surprised to hear these distinctive opening chords when Over the Hedge‘s credits rolled.

But Ben has nicely changed all of the lyrics to make it more relevant to the movie (it’s still funny for adults, and in fact, kids may not even get all the jokes: “around the block one more time…cause I can’t tell which house is mine”  “they got better looking fescue right across the cul de sac.”

It’s cool that he was completely able to change the song (the meaning is now entirely different) yet still have it retain that snarky attitude of Ben Folds.  True the grown-up version is funnier, but this one is still good.  Not least of which is from the crazy rant by William Shatner.  Shatner is the neighbor “Bill” who complains about their dog and threatens that he knows karate.  It’s quite funny (if perhaps a little exhausting to listen to more than two times).

I like that the end of the song includes the really heavy section (that really only makes sense with the original lyrics).  A perfect example of change that works.

[READ: April 2012] The Secrets of Droon: Books 26-28 & SE#4

As I mentioned in the last post I am completely hooked on Droon.  And my son is very excited that we are getting close to the end!  What will we do?  The series itself has always been good, but it keeps getting better, with the stakes getting higher and higher.  And with Sparr being a good guy now, everything is different!  There are only three books before the Special Edition this time–it’s a strange non-pattern he’s got going on.  The Special Editions are longer and SOME of them written in a different way, but sometimes they just seem like longer books. (more…)

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SOUNDTRACK: JACK WHITE-“Sixteen Saltines” (2012).

I really liked the first White Stripes album.  After that things were just a little too samey to me.  So I pretty much stopped listening to him.  This new album is all the rage (as is everything he does), and this is a song that NPR picked as one of their favorites of the year so far.

And as with everything Jack White does, it’s immediately fun.  It’s also simple as anything, with a raw and aggressive sound–just like everything else he does.  I usually don’t mind when an artist plays the same stuff over and over, I mean it’s called a signature after all, but for some reason it bugs me with him.  Or maybe I just don’t like him as a “person.”

Anyhow, I can’t deny that this song is fun (the vocals done in a kind of R&B vein (sounding like Michael Jackson a bit?) and the addition of keyboards half way through are a nice touch.  But I can’t say that I’ll remember the song much after it’s over.

[READ: June 16, 2012] “Black Box”

I have been meaning to read Jennifer Egan’s A Visit From the Goon Squad for quite some time.  But in the meantime, I’m happy to have read this short story, which I assume is nothing at all like her novels.

“Black Box” is written in a series of small numbered black boxes.  And each box contains a number of statements in the second person.  It’s a striking and unusual way to concoct a story.  I didn’t really think it would be all that intriguing because the tone is so matter of fact and instructional.  But I was thrilled with how much of a story Egan created out of this style.  And, yes, it is a full story.

So Box number one begins: “People rarely look the way you expect them to, even when you’ve seen pictures.”  Then, “The first thirty seconds in a person’s presence are the most important.”  Then, “If you’re having trouble perceiving and projecting, focus on projecting.”  Then, “Necessary ingredients for a successful projection: giggles; bare legs; shyness.”

So, what is this?  instructions?  advice?  quips to live by?  Well, it turns out that they are instructions to a “beauty.”  And this beauty is working for her country, to take down a bad guy.  She is a spy, although not a professional spy, she’s just a beauty doing her country’s work.  The instructions show (in a very unexpected way) how the story unfolds: “‘Shall we swim together toward those rocks?’ may or may not be a question.”  And so, “you” and your Designated Mate swim to an island where sex in inevitable.  “Begin the Dissociation Technique only when physical violation is imminent.”  For indeed, “you” are married, but your husband approves of this mission, for the good of United States and the world.

As the story unfolds, the reader realizes that this is not just a beautiful woman who has been called into the service of he country, but something a little more. “If you are within earshot of his conversation, record it.”  Well, how will she do that one wonders.  “A microphone has been implanted just beyond the first turn of your right ear canal.”

Cool. (more…)

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SOUNDTRACK: JIMMY FALLON (as THE DOORS)-“Reading Rainbow” (June 2011).

I heard this song on WXPN and it cracked me up–I believe they played it because the Reading Rainbow iPad app just launched.  But I had no idea who was doing it.  It was a spectacular Jim Morrison impression.  The Doors are iconic enough that it’s pretty easy to do Jim Morrison, but Fallon is so right on–phrasing and movements–that it’s really amazing.  And they went all out for the video (if I thought the song was good, the video is amazing): the band, the sound, the clothes, the filming–it’s all perfect.  And the craziest thing is that the nonsense in the middle–when Jimmy is reciting kids books (the Goodnight Moon section is especially cool) sounds just like some poetry that Morrison would have said.

It’s outstanding.

http://www.nbc.com/assets/video/widget/widget.html?vid=1368107

Makes me smile every time.  I’m only bummed I can’t embed it.

[READ: February-March, 2012] The Secrets of Droon: Books 22-25 & SE#3

I’ve really enjoyed Droon so far.  The stories have been interesting and fun, and they have allowed the three kids to meet interesting characters and to face some dangers.  But it is with this group of books that the series gets really intense and I’m looking forward to reading them as much as Clark is to hearing them!

It’s also growing harder and harder to avoid spoilers because the spoilers are what are so exciting about the books.  Indeed, the backs of the books even give stuff away about the previous book.  So, yes, there may be a spoiler or two in here, but it’s hard not to talk about the cool things that happen. (more…)

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SOUNDTRACK: MOGWAI-Special Moves (2010).

This is Mogwai’s first live album and it really captures the band in all of its intense glory.  This is a good year for a Mogwai live recording because they play some of their newer song which are a bit more melodic (and sometime have words) but they also revisit their older songs–which still sound intense.  It’s a great overview of their career so far and it’s a great testament to how different their music sounds over the course of so many years–even though they still sound like Mogwai

We get two songs from Their (then) latest The Hawk is Howling –“I’m Jim Morrison I’m Dead” and “I Love You I’m Going to Blow up Your School.” Two songs from Mr Beast “Friend of the Night” and the stunning set closer “Glasgow Mega Snake.” Two from Happy Music “Hunted by a Freak” and “I Know You Are But What am I.” Two from Rock Action “You Dont Know Jesus” and “2 Rights Make 1 Wrong.”  From Come On Die Young we get “Cody” and from their debut, two classics: “Like Herod” (which is amazing live) and “Mogwai Fear Satan” (also amazing)–each one over 10 minutes long and full of the emotional release that we’ve come to expect from Mogwai.

This is a great place to start if you want to hear what Mogwai is all about.

[READ: June 4, 2012] Jailbird

First off I want to say how neat it is that I took this book out of the library and that it’s from 1979.  Thirty-three years old!  Books are cool.

Anyhow, I have a stack of dozens of books I want to read, and yet somehow Vonnegut said, no, read me now.  In addition to Vonnegut books being relatively short, they are also very quick to read.  I read this in a couple of days, which is very satisfying.

My old boss at the library told me that she thought Vonnegut more or less stopped writing good books after Breakfast of Champions.  I disagree, but that has certainly colored the way I look at his later books before I read them–which one had she read that turned her off?  I kind of suspect it was this one.

In some ways this is a minor novel.  It’s fairly brief (240 pages, although there’s  30 page Prologue which I gather is from Vonnegut himself (you never know, he has so many layers going on)).  He explains some of the details that are in the book and several other interesting preface-type things.  I enjoyed the bit about the fan who wrote to Vonnegut and (Vonnegut claims) summed up all of his works in just seven words: “Love may fail, but courtesy will prevail.”  And that is the basic plot of this book. (more…)

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SOUNDTRACK: RUSH on Archer (2011-2012).

Not really a soundtrack, but I wanted to mention some of the Rush references in Archer.

I was really hoping to use the Rush in Cleveland DVD as my Soundtrack, but I haven’t finished it yet.  And yes, I am padding this out a bit so that the pictures fit nicely.

Cobra Cobra Cobra (that’s a joke to the book below).

The Archer guys like Rush and they put nods to Rush in occasional episodes–usually through mad-scientist (I want to call him The Professor), Krieger.  Here’s three of Krieger’s vans.

I love the detail that went into “Vanispheres.”  Since Krieger always wears a lab coat, it’s a wonderful detail to have him wearing it as the nude man.  And, of course to have him as both the nude man and the clothed man is perfect.

Since it’s my favorite obscure Rush album, the Caress of Krieger van just cracks me up the most.

And just to add to the fun here’s a video of Krieger’s Neil Peart-like drum set

It’s pronounced “Why Why Zed.”

[READ:May 9, 2012] How to Archer

Although the Archie Meets Kiss comic proved to not be the joy I’d hoped, How to Archer easily made up for it.  I love Archer, it is one of my top ten shows ever, I think.  And this book is basically a print version of the show.

It’s designed as a how-to manual written by Sterling Archer himself.  He gives you tips on how to become the world’s best secret agent.  He teaches you how to dress (the details about buying shoes are amazing), how to drink (he provides cocktail recipes and his own opinion of subpar drinks), how to eat (a recipe for Eggs Woodhouse that sounds divine) and even a secret to gambling!

The fact that Archer is an abrasive, cocky, sexist, racist dick only makes the book that much funnier.

If you haven’t seen Archer (on FX), it’s a cartoon about a spy.  His mother, Malory, owns the spy agency and they have a very contentious relationship.  (The fact that his full name is Sterling Malory Archer should be just one clue to that).  Malory gets the introduction to the book, which is pretty darn funny as well. (more…)

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