I Just Read About That…

SOUNDTRACK: ANTONIO CORA-“The Cellar” (from The Blair Witch Project) (1999).

A lot of the music I listen to is weird and probably creepy to other people, but I don’t necessarily think of songs as appropriate for Halloween or not.  So for this year’s Ghost Box stories, I consulted an “expert”: The Esquire list of Halloween songs you’ll play all year long.  The list has 45 songs–most of which I do not like.  So I picked 11 of them to post about.

I was getting bored of the Esquire list so I found this fun little tidbit of spookiness.

The Blair Witch Project was a low budget, DIY-looking movie.  The soundtrack is a compilation with songs on it (Josh Blair’s Witch Mix), but this track is from the actual movie soundtrack.  I couldn’t exactly tell if there was a release of the actual movie soundtrack, but the last track on the disc is similar to a video I found online for the “end credits theme.”

Excluding the intro, which has 30 seconds of dialogue from the film (“Heather’s Apology”), this track is a five-minute nightmarish ambient score.

It is largely quiet with rattling, echoing sounds.  An online thread (therefore of dubious truth) says that the score was made with the sound of sticks breaking and being thrown into a culvert (or some such) and slowed down dramatically.  There’s also some kind of droning sound throughout (maybe a synth, but who knows).  It seems to slowly percolate while things scrape and bang.  There’s a few louder noises that really stand out, but there’s no momentum or narrative to the soundtrack.  It’s just a sort of endless low grade scare.

Don’t listen at bedtime.

[READ: October 27, 2019] “Last Call for the Sons of Shock”

Just in time for Halloween, from the people who brought me The Short Story Advent Calendar and The Ghost Box. and Ghost Box II. comes Ghost Box III.

This is once again a nifty little box (with a magnetic opening and a ribbon) which contains 11 stories for Halloween.  It is lovingly described thusly:

Oh god, it’s right behind me, isn’t it? There’s no use trying to run from Ghost Box III, the terrifying conclusion to our series of limited-edition horror box sets edited and introduced by Patton Oswalt.

There is no explicit “order” to these books; however, I’m going to read in the order they were stacked.

I feel foolish that I didn’t “get” this story right away.  When I see that it was originally published in The Ultimate Frankenstein, I guess the Blank Frank name would have been a bit more obviously Frankenstein’s monster.  I did figure it out before the end, but on a second read it was much clearer.

Blank Frank owns a bar in L.A. called Un/Dead.  It’s a goth bar playing the likes of The Cramps and Bauhaus.  And with a bartender the size of Blank Frank, few people mess around in there.  Frank doesn’t imbibe–he prefers a nonalcoholic drink he invented called Blind Hermit.

His only real possessions are a plasma globe and a framed movie poster that he scored at a Hollywood memorabilia shop.  It is from his first feature film.

But tonight is no ordinary night.  He has two visitors coming tonight–it is a special anniversary.  The first arrives in a cab, but will depart in a limo.  The Count is always on time.  He made forty-three million dollars in the past year and has never paid taxes.

None of the buildings in Los Angeles have been standing as long as the Cunt and Blank Frank have been alive (or maybe “alive”).

The other guest is Larry–but he is always tardy.

Frank disapproves a bit of The Count–who inhales all manner of drugs.  The Count has lived all over the world and has walked unharmed through all manner of things, including a nuclear blast (“Sue me; I was high”).  But Frank keeps quiet about it.  In fact, Frank doesn’t say much.  The Count (who is verbose and eloquent) surprises himself by how much he enjoys Frank’s company.

While they are talking about things, Larry bursts in loud and brash in red spandex tights and fringe.

They tease Larry about him now being the “Real” Wolf Man (because of a copyright infringement with a fellow WWF Wrestler).  Larry is the Inventor of the Vise Grip, second only to the Sleeper Hold in wrestling infamy.

Then they talk about the past.  How they saved the studio from bankruptcy, “Us and A&C.”  But “Bud and Lou and you and me and the big guy all went out with the dishwater of the Second World War.”

They talk about ol’ Ace Bandage, the Prince who is now working at a museum on the graveyard shift.

Then the Count reveals he has gifts for his friends.

For Larry there is a wolf head from “the walking stick … All that was left.”  [I don’t get this, I have to admit].

For Frank he has a ring.  I’ll not spoil where the ring comes from, but it’s a great story.

Things get emotional briefly and then to break the sadness, Larry hops on the bar.  But in his clumsiness he shatters the glass of Frank’s poster.

Larry feels terrible, but Frank says its not the first time that’s happens.  But this sours the mood of their evening and soon enough The Count signals his departure.

As the story ends, Frank makes a decision that will affect a lot of people–but probably not him in the long run.

This is a surprisingly sweet story for a bunch of monsters.

Read Patton Oswalt’s take here.