I Just Read About That…

SOUNDTRACK: RHEOSTATICS–Fall Nationals The Horseshoe Tavern Toronto, ON. Night 3 of 13 (November 12, 2003).

This was the 3rd night of the Rheostatics 13 night Fall Nationals run at the Horseshoe.  Rheostatics Live has recordings of nights 1, 3, 4, 5 and 7.

As the show starts, Tim says, “Thanks for coming out.”

So Dave replies, “Why, you’re welcome, Tim.  I was doing nothing else so I figured why not play a little drums, a little bass, a little guitar.”

“Here Comes The Image” opens the show (Dave is on drums for this).  It’s slow with lots of cool keys from M.P.W.  The sound quality fades dramatically about 3 minutes in.

Dave explains, “That was an epic song by Tim Vesely.  We’re gonna do another epic song now.  Epic means just long basically, and grand.”  It’s “Oneilly’s Strange Dream.”  Which Dave describes as a song that “was supposed to the be the equivalent of an Edgar Rice Burroughs book.  He’s the guy who wrote Tarzan.  Not to be confused with William S. Burroughs–an urban jungle thing still a lot of guys with no shirts on.”  Martin: “I hate those guys.”

Martin repeats the first verse.   There’s some great powerful drumming in the middle of the song.  The sound levels go back up during this song.

The final notes are a little cockeyed and you hear someone re-sing “pile of bones laying at my side” with that bad chord.

They play Woodstuck “with a drum fill.”  Dave says it’s an old song and someone asks him what it’s about.  Dave tells a story about touring in 1987 and he tells a strange story about a merch guy.  It’s pretty strange and ends with: that’s a song about Brett.  We left him in Calgary naked, quivering under the bed.  Tim says “we didn’t leave him, we gave him to another band: Pigfarm.

Mike notes that “that story was on the set list.  That was a tune.”

Next they play a new song (from 2067), “The Latest Attempt On Your Life.”  It seems they haven’t quite figured out the backing vocals live yet.  “CCYPA” rocks and then they settle things down with “Introducing Happiness” and “Power Ballad for Ozzy Osbourne” (with no ending howl from Martin).

Dave says this is our 3rd annual Fall Nationals.  Mike asks if there is a theme for this night.  No, but one might emerge.

Mike says, “A bolt of lightning struck exactly one block from my house this evening.”  (Dave makes an allusion to Frank Marino of Mahogany Rush (who “inherited the soul of Jimi Hendrix”).

They play a sweet version of “It’s Easy To Be With You,” about which Dave says, “Boy is this song ever about cocaine.”

Next Thursday is an all covers night, so they’re going to do some tonight to make sure they know what they’re doing.

They play Simon & Garfunkel’s “The Only Living Boy in New York,” which I don’t know at all. Martin sings and plays gentle guitar.

Then they start joking about “Old Garfunkel, eh?”

He walked across America with just a credit card…it’s true.  Talk about time on your hands.  I thought it was a knife and a rope.   I heard it was credit card shoes.  Shoes made out of old credit cards.  That was his last album Credit Card Shoes.

In Edinburgh we listened to Scissors Cut about 20 times.  Weirdest album ever made.  Scissors cut and yet the hair remains.

They finally get to a quiet “Palomar” with limited backing vocals.

Somebody in the audience says “I heard you guys have a synchronized soft shoe routine.”  Tim says,”we’re waiting for that to become an Olympic event before we unveil it.”  Dave says, “I couldn’t remember if it was black square white square or white square black square.”

Martin introduces “Self Serve Gas Station”: Take it away Dave.”  But Dave plays “Roll Another Number” bu Neil Young which segues in to “Self Serve.”  The quiet guitar section at the end segues beautifully into “California Dreamline.”

They play a cover of The Clash’s “London Calling,” which sounds great although Dave is a little not angry enough.

People shout out “Michael Jackson”  Martin: “pleased to announce that Michael Jackson is in the audience tonight.”

Then after lots of ums there’s discussion of what to play. Martin in HAL’s calm voice “Why not both, David.  Let’s do both.”  They play “One More Colour,” but then go to an encore break.

Thanks all.  “Frozen rock pose.”  Dave: “We are Frozen Rock Pose.”

We have a few more for you—Dave sings “My First Rock Show” and gets the wrong verse!  He also sings “I ‘sore’ [sic] everything.”  Tim calls him on that.  At “swan dived,” Mike plays a thunderous drum and Dave recites a spiel:

The drums of war were in the air yet they were peaceable times.
And you saw a band like Yello and found out that they sucked and it didn’t cost you $85 to find out.  No $21.50.  Trixter, Heart, The J Geils Band.    Meat Loaf, Blue Peter, The Spoons.  A Flock of Seagulls.  No A-ha did not play.  OMD  OMD, baby.  Oingo Boingo at the first Police picnic.  To Martin: Are those guitar sounds a flock of seagulls?  Dave: they were the best, not the best but they were good.

Where to?  A Flock of Seagulls.  No Tim will do a Warren Zevon song.  called “Reconsider Me.”  I don’t know it.  He sings very high and off a bit.  He groans but then by the middle he says its coming to me and he finished okay with a “Sorry, Warren, I tried.”

We’re here til next Saturday and tomorrow night is guest vocals night.  We have 26 guest vocalists.  We better get in the habit of thanking our guests.

Andrew Houghton played tonight.  And Serena Ryder the next two nights held over by popular acclaim.  They end the with a poppy “In This Town.”

[READ: January 25, 2017] The Ugly

I read a review of this book that made it sound really compelling and strange.  And the back of the book has some of that compelling strangeness in the blurb:

Muzhduk the Ugli the Fourth is a 300-pound boulder-throwing mountain man from Siberia whose tribal homeland is stolen by an American lawyer out to build a butterfly conservatory for wealthy tourists.  In order to restore his people’s land and honor, Muzhduk must travel to Harvard Law School to learn how to throw words instead of boulders.

And that is exactly what happens.  Along with a bunch of other strange things.

I enjoyed the way the story was told.  There are basically parallel narratives.  One is told in first person and is Muzhduk’s life after Harvard (perhaps the present), the other is told in third person and is all about his life at Harvard law school.

But the story begins with the Dull-Boulder Throw.  In his village a chief is determined by who can catch (and throw) a boulder hurled at your chest.  Muzhduk the Ugli the Fourth is the next in line for the throne–his ancestors have all been leaders–but he is the smallest of his lineage being only 300 pounds.

Nevertheless, he knows he must defeat Hulagu who was inbred huge and dumb.  If Hulagu won, the tribe would suffer.  And so for the good of the tribe, he win the Throw. But the second part of becoming chief was climbing the tallest mountain.  Each of his ancestors had climbed a taller mountain, and now his task was trying to find one taller than the tallest one around here.

He climbs a small mountain–actually the one that Muzhduk the Ugli the First climbed (and he scoffs at how puny it is).  But while he is there, a helicopter lands.  It contains an anthropologist from America who says he is surveying their property.  Muzhduk is confused. But the man says that he bought the entire Verkhoyansk range from the Russians six months ago.

The man says he doesn’t want to do much with the land–just set up a conservatory for an endangered butterfly.  Muzhduk states matter of factly that they eat those butterflies–to gasps from everyone else on the copter.

After much debate, the man looks around and says, can you please grant us a piece of property the size of a bearskin. Muzhduk agrees.  Two weeks later the man returned and explained that he took the bearskin and turned it into a fine thread that was long enough to surround the six villages.

And when Muzhduk learned of the law, he knew that the tallest mountain he could climb would be Mount Harvard.  So he walked there.

The first chapter is a little confusing because it starts with him in a truck.  It is the first person section and is all about his life after leaving Harvard.  He is in the desert and is called Twobob by everyone.  In one of my favorite jokes in the book, he never finds out what Twobob really means (stranger or whitey or burnt pink), but everyone calls him that.

The whole first chapter is him dealing with bureaucracy in the desert.

In contrast with the second chapter which talks about his trip to America–he walked north, floated on an iceberg across the Bering Strait and walked down through Alaska and the Yukon Territory.  He tried to cross the border through Canad into the U.S. (only a two week walk to Boston), but he was refused because he had no papers.  So he stayed in Canada and played Rugby for the McGill University team (he wasn’t enrolled but no one asked him if he was so they just assumed he was and were happy to have him).

He also read books–lots of books.  Even though Mushduk is a guy who throws boulders, he is multilingual and has a strong understanding of books. And he passes the LSAT with a perfect score.  Harvard can’t turn him down.  They just need a transcript from his undergraduate school.  Which he doesn’t have.

And from this point on, the story jumps back and forth between the two points of view mid chapter.  I really like the way he handles the juxtapositions–with each jump cut from one location to the other having something to do with the previous location.  But I didn’t really enjoy the non-Harvard scenes all that much.  Some of it was good fun–bureaucracy and confusion and trouble galore.  But because I didn’t really understand what he was after (which is deliberately hidden), it made the quest less compelling.

In a nutshell, we know that he is after Peggy.  Although we don’t know anything about her. Well, the one thing we do know about her is that she also had a perfect score on the LSAT and was accepted to Harvard.

So when he gets to the admissions office (the bureaucracy there is outstandingly funny), he explains that he is the man with the perfect score but he has no transcript. They say he can’t be accepted.  Then he hears there’s a woman with perfect score who has not shown up.  He concludes that since he has shown up and she hasn’t that he should just take her place.  And with some assistance from one of the school’s teachers, Muzhduk is accepted.

By chapter 4 we learn formally that he is looking for Peggy Roundtree.  He is surrounded by seven Africans–a Taureg, two Bambara, a Puel and three Bella (who were slaves).

Then we get back to Harvard and the enjoyment of Muzhduk ‘s assimilation.  There is a mixer.  He is terrible at. He insults people left and right without realizing it.  He is used to being chief and taking whatever and whoever he wants.  And he is highly un-PC.  There is also very funny sequence in which he walks from his bed to the toilets naked and everyone in the dorm is freaked out by it.  He also meets the two people whom will be studying with–Buck and Lena.  Lena is instantly offended by him and is very upset to find out that they are seat neighbors and inherently, study buddies.

But, one part of college is drinking.  So they go to the local bar.  They get hammered.  Muzhduk flirts with many women, including the bartender who seems to be messing with him big time.  He gets into a huge brawl with the campus police (he really enjoys it as it is the first act of violence he has been involved in in some time).  And then he and Lena hook up at the end of the night–for the one and only time because Lena is repulsed but fascinated by him.

Then we see into some classroom work (Boldizar did attend Harvard Law School).  His teacher is Professor Sclera–a hard-ass of whom everyone is intimated.  The class is terrifying. But Muzhduk is not impressed and for the first time possibly ever, someone stands up to Sclera. Muzhduk argues with him in Latin.  Sclera is furious but impressed.  But all of the students are mad at him for angering Sclera (he even receives hate mail in his inbox).

There is a sequence in which they are studying in the library and somebody tries to burn it down (it is played for comic effect).

And then we get back to Muzdhuk in pursuit of a woman or two. He tries to flirt with the bartender, but she refuses to even say her name (pub rules).  But while in the pub he sees another woman who really blows hims mind.  So that evening, he invites Lena to go see I am Curious (Yellow) at the Brattle Theater. She says that it is porn.  Legally it is not, he says.  She is offended that he has asked her to see a porn film.  But then she sees him staring at the woman from the pub and says why don’t you ask her.  So he walks up to the woman (whose name turns out to be just as hard for me to pronounce as his: Oedda).  He asks her to the movie and she is abusive and cryptic but also says yes.  It also turns out that she is a visiting professor at Harvard Law School.

All during this time we are flashing back to his travels through the desert (I was never exactly sure where they wore).  He meets all kinds of strange characters who try and fail to take advantage of him or try and fail to kill him or try and fail to imprison him.  Most of it in this section is pretty funny and I didn’t mind the juxtapositions from cold Boston to hot wherever he was.

About half way through the book Sclera comes to Muzhduk and makes and offer–if he burns down the library he will get a free pass at Harvard.  Why?  He says that Harvard Law School is corrupt and needs to be burnt down to be rebuilt.   That’s pretty weird, but things are only going to get weirder from here.

On the campus is a tree with a door in it.  Living in that tree is a blue bear named Pooh.  And in the another part of the book, Muzhduk is still traveling around with a man known as Amadou, who we can’t tell if hes a friend or enemy.  At one point Muzhduk is in Timbuktu and he runs into an American couple who are there to get married.  But the locals–who hate Muzhduk at this point–tell the couple that they should stay way from Muzhduk because he eats people.  The Americans laugh and say “white people don’t eat people.”

Then there’s sex.  Oedda is a crazy, violently sexual person.  Muzhduk enjoys this but sometimes she really likes to hurt him–emotionally and physically.  It’s pretty intense.

Throughout the book there is mention of Corpra-Cola, which I enjoyed.  They even go to a factory where one of the workers only speaks in slogans interspersed with dialogue

Where theres’ Cola, there’s happiness
It’s the not-fake thing
You can’t beat the not-fake thing
Often Corpra-Cola is the best friend you’ll ever have
Corp is it.

Until finally

-Around the bend from nowhere
-Is that really a Corpra-Cola slogan?

About two-thirds of the way through the book, in the “away” section, he finds Peggy.  Although we still don’t know how they met.  But just because he found her doesn’t mean their trouble is over. They are thrown in jail together and then transported across more sand.

Meanwhile back in Boston Muzhduk has a human interaction with Buck (the one true friend that he makes at school).  And Muzhduk encourages him to be a poet rather than a lawyer–which Buck takes as an insult.

And then things with Oedda start to get really weird.

I enjoyed this book a lot up until about page 250 (out of 360).  And from there it got really weirdly legal and existential in Harvard, and rather dull and repetitive in wherever he and Peggy were being carted around.  They end up in a wadi (a kind of ditch in the sand) for many many sections.  There’s an  interrogation and non clarity about who is a good guy and who is a bad guy.

The legal stuff might be very funny if you are a familiar with law, but if you’re not it’s really abstract and unsatisfying.  Not to mention, Oedda starts to become mystical.  She reads tarot cards and there’s a very lengthy discussion of that.  Near the end of the book she has a pentagram on the ground and blood everywhere (I won’t say what led to that).  So, yeah, it gets kind of crazy.

And then even the school scene is crazy–Lena and Muzhduk are meant to argue a case that neither one has prepared for–they had submitted briefs on a case but that was ignored, which I gather is not supposed to happen.  Lena looks at him and blames him instantly.  Especially when they look up and see that the three people who will be judging this exam are Sclera, Oedda and Pooh.

In a strange(r) sequence near the end, it is possible that the people in the desert know Oedda too, or else there is a land that is pronounced the same called The Ouidah.  And frankly the whole thing is just a jumble of confusion until the end.

The Epilogue however, cleans things up a bit and does make for something of a satisfying conclusion, although it kind of feels like the whole story got away from him by the time he finished it.

So while I enjoyed a lot about the book, it lost me by the end and I just wanted it to be over.  Which is a shame as there was so much that was fun about it.