SOUNDTRACK: hiatus
[READ: March 2022] Carpe Jugulum
It’s so hard to believe that Carpe Jugulum (Discworld book #23 of 41) is the last one to feature the Witches! Especially since it is quite clearly about vampires. Actually, other books feature Granny Weatherwax (the Tiffany Aching books feature her a lot), but it’s the last one that features the classic trio of witches.
Queen Magrat and King Verence have figured out the whole bedroom thing (Nanny Ogg and Granny Weatherwax weren’t sure they’d every actually figure it out) and are pleased to announce their first child–a girl.
The King has invited everyone to their naming ceremony. That includes the vampires from Uberwald.
Since the vampires have been invited they are pretty much free to do as they want. It turns out that they are quite clear about their plans–they are going to move into Lancre Castle and basically turn all of the humans into their cattle (as they have done in Uberwald). But because of a kind of hypnotism, no one is upset by this–nor do they seem to fully get what the threats represent.
The King invited a priest to oversee the ceremony, but through some confusion, the priest who has arrived is Mightily Oats, an Omnian priest (in the past, Omnians have been known to burn witches, so our Witches aren’t too happy about this guy). But even worse (for everyone) is that Granny Weatherwax is terribly offended by the whole event. Seems that she wasn’t invited and believes that the new baby is meant to replace her. (She was invited, of course, but the invitation was…taken).
So Granny isn’t there when the vampires arrive. She would have been a formidable opponent for the vampires, but no one else is any trouble. The hypnotism takes over everyone, even Nanny Ogg. However, Mightily Oats is not affected and nor is Agnes Nitt. As we may recall, Agnes played at being Perdita for a while and that personality lives within her. Her split personality mind is too challenging for the vampires to sway. This represents a challenge for the vampires, and the eldest son Vlad is quite attracted to Agnes. Agnes is very large and is quite unused to having a suitor. Indeed, Vlad’s sister makes fun of him for being attracted to someone so physically unattractive. [Pratchett tones down the fat jokes from the last time we saw Agnes, but they are still there].
Also, for years, the head vampire Count Mapyr, has been having his children build up a tolerance to lethal things like sunlight, garlic etc. This makes them very hard to kill.
Things are looking pretty bleak. True the vampires don’t seem all that bad (they are very charming), but it’s fairly shocking how easily they break through the witches’ defenses. Until finally Granny Weatherwax appears. She is the toughest of the witches and is not easily defeated. And yet, by the end of the confrontation, the Count has btten her and she appears dead.
They may just have to rely on Mightily Oats–a religious figure who may or may not really believe in his faith, to help them through this.
This story also really develops the Igor character (one of my favorites) There is an Igor who is the servant of the Magpyrs. He is a traditionalist who spends his spare time breeding and distributing spiders for the dark corners of the castle. The Magpyrs hate him and his “more gothic than thou” attitude, as Igor tries to keep the old ways alive. Igor’s impression of the current Count Magpyr is that he is too modern, whereas Igor prefers “tradithionalitht” methods of Vampirism, (all Igors have a lisp on the Discworld—although some only have it when they remember).
Perhaps the funniest moment of the story comes at the announcement of the girl’s name “Esmerelda Margaret Note Spelling of Lancre.”
One of the more interesting components of this story is the battle of wills between Mightily Oaks and Granny Weatherwax . Mightily Oaks is a priest but he is full of doubt. He wants to follow the Onian ways very carefully, but his faith is shaky. Granny on the other hand has no truck with religion and is more than happy to argue with Mightily Oaks. Although you get the sense that maybe she’s trying to shore up his convictions rather than tearing them down. Pratchett has always been a good one for criticizing false belief in religion and this is a great opportunity for it.
The end of the story looks pretty hopeless until the vampires start acting very strange and can’t figure out what’s going on. The arrival of Lord Magpyr (thanks to Igor), who is Count Magpyr’s father brings a very funny conclusion to the whole proceeding.
Here’s the list of Discworld titles:
1. The Colour of Magic
2. The Light Fantastic
3. Equal Rites
4. Mort
5. Sourcery
6. Wyrd Sisters
7. Pyramids
8. Guards! Guards!
9. Faust Eric
10. Moving Pictures
11. Reaper Man
12. Witches Abroad
13. Small Gods
14. Lords and Ladies
15. Men at Arms
16. Soul Music
17. Interesting Times
18. Maskerade
19. Feet of Clay
20. Hogfather
21. Jingo
22. The Last Continent
23. Carpe Jugulum
24. The Fifth Elephant
25. The Truth
26. Thief of Time
27. The Last Hero
28. The Amazing Maurice And His Educated Rodents
29. Night Watch
30. The Wee Free Men
31. Monstrous Regiment
32. A Hat Full of Sky
33. Going Postal
34. Thud!
35. Wintersmith
36. Making Money
37. Unseen Academicals
38. I Shall Wear Midnight
39. Snuff
40. Raising Steam
41. The Shepherd’s Crown
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