SOUNDTRACK: hiatus
[READ: October 2021] The Unadulterated Cat
During this incredibly prolific period (Pratchett was releasing a Discworld book or two every year), he found time to write this slim, silly volume about cats.
It contains many many illustrations (like the one on the cover) by Gray Jolliffe whom I do not know. I have had this book for decades and never bothered to read it. Since I was knee deep in Pratchett land, I decided to give it a whirl.
Pratchett has had some fun about cats in Discworld already. There’s Greebo, the insane and then there’s Death who genuinely loved cats. So it’s no surprise that he would write a book about cats. (This was about ten years after the odd “dead cat” comic book craze).
This book is not like any of that. This is a “serious” look at “real” cats. So I guess it has more in common with Real Men Don’t Eat Quiche (published 1982).
In eighteen short chapters, Pratchett compares a real cat to cats that you might find on television or greeting cards.
He says that they got started with cats because they didn’t like them much. The neighborhood cats kept getting in their garden, so they got one of their own believing that territorial behavior would keep the other cats away. A moment’s rational thinking will see the flaw.
So how do you get a cat? Adverts in the post office (there’s always only one kitten left when you call). Adverts in posh cat magazine (like the above except “free” will not appear). The Shelter–it’s also free (except for a voluntary donation–made at pistol point). The most common way seems to be inheritance–you move into a house and the neighborhood cat comes with the place.
Types of cats:
- Farm cats
- Black cats with white paws
- Neighbours’ cats
- Sort of Tabby cats with a bit of ginger….
- Factory cats
- Arch-villains’ cats
- Cartoon cats
- The cat that travels thousands of miles to find it’s owner (there is only one such cat, it just keeps getting lost).
Naming cats:
Most cats will have different names depending on: If you step on it, your child is cuddling it very aggressively (yet somehow never gets scratched), and the name you’re going to call it in the middle of the night (which might not be the same one your child gave it).
Feeding cats: real cats will turn up their nose at the fancy cat food. But when you buy cases of the stuff they seem to prefer, they will suddenly turn up their nose at that too.
Games cats play:
- Cat chess (where all the cats in the neighborhood align themselves to be able to see each other but not be close to each other).
- Running through wet cement (or builders sand)
- Offside (being perpetually on the other side of the door).
- Being Good (a way to be perpetually good but still cause maximum trouble for the owner).
The chapter on hygiene has a fun story about the cat being sick in the bathtub.
You get mixed feelings…mild admiration that, in a house full of carpets, Real cat has chosen one of the few places that can easily be cleaned. On the other hand…. this is the bath for God’s sake, I was really looking forward to a soak and now I will neve ever have a bath again as long as I live.
So, yes, it’s a trifle. But it’s a quick read and a mildy amusing one at that.
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