SOUNDTRACK: KNEECAP-“C.E.A.R.T.A.” (2018).
Kneecap are the Northern Irish trio of Mo Chara, Móglaí Bap and DJ Provaí.
They rap.
In Irish.
This in itself opens up all kinds of interesting rhyme opportunities.
Because I have no idea what they are saying, when the song opens with what sounds like “Fuck me,” I don’t know if that’s what he’s saying or if he’s saying something in Irish. It sounds like they say fuck a lot, so I’m assuming that’s what they are saying (especially since the video has them flipping the bird a lot). But who knows.
The song is anti police (garda) I’m assuming, although I don’t know what the initials stand for. It also seems to be pro drug (or at least pro party). There is one line that I picked out (there are occasional English words) So a line ends with “balaclava” and then goes on
coke, speed, E, agus [and] marijuana
[irish irish irish irish irish] Connamara.
The video is an interesting insight into, I assume, Belfast, with graffiti-strewn tunnels and a very very very depressing looking “party” at the end.
The music is not terribly interesting. It’s a very simple bass line that runs through the whole song, with the only change in the chorus being the addition of a high synth line. But their flow is really good (to someone who can’t tell what they are saying). The rhymes work and it is good craic not knowing what they are talking about but hearing an occasional familiar word.
If they can get their musical part more interesting, they’d be on to something.
[READ: September 21, 2020] My Wife is Married to a Feckin’ Eejit
I have no idea who Bernard O’Shea is. Well, he’s an Irish comedian, but I don’t know what kind. He could be Ireland’s Jeff Foxworthy for all I know. I doubt that he’s Ireland’s Dave Chapelle, anyway.
This book came across my desk at work and I liked the title so I thought I’d give it a read.
The premise of this book is that O’Shea found a list in his wife’s diary of all of the reasons why he is an eejit. So he enumerates this list and then gives details about each incident.
Most of the things O’Shea he talks about are daily frustrations (often gone to crazy conclusions). I probably wouldn’t have enjoyed this book if it were set in the States, but having it set in Ireland–where everyday things are a little different, (what in the heck is a crèche?) brought enough unfamiliarity to make these familiar stores seem more amusing.
So basically, it’s a lot of Bernard not living up to being the adult that he should be.
Primarily, this is about being a bad husband. If these stories are true, then yes, he is a feckin eejit. I prefer to think of these as fictionalized, exaggerated accounts rather than actual happenings, because if he actually did half of these things I’d be surprised he got married at all much less stayed that way.
The book does not start out very promising. The first chapter is about him shaving his pubic hair, which was neither funny nor idiotic and was really a terrible first anecdote.
I’m not sure exactly who his audience is. He seems to be a reasonably clean comedian–the curse words have asterisks to replace some of the letters, although he does talk about (not-explicit) sex. Most of his stories are about being a dad. So why start with this weird story about his pubic hair (even if he is a redhead).
The pubic hair chapter isn’t the only one about his hair. He is a redhead and discovered that women would kill for his hair but would not kill to date a man with his hair. His story of dying his hair is amusing enough–I enjoyed the part where the ladies in the shoppe treat him like a child. But you’d have to be really really dumb to pour bleach directly on your head.
The story about getting an STD that wasn’t an STD is pretty funny, although most of the humor seems to be that he told his mates and they made fun of him.
Things pick up with his story of applying for a job and lying about his typing skills. Nothing new about lying on a resume, but I love that the interviewer made him prove that he could type 60 words per minute by dictating a letter to him. “Even though he could see [that I was a terribly typist], the guy read the whole letter out. It was the most embarrassing twenty-two minutes of my life.”
The punchline of his answer to the question “Is there anything you feel you could bring to this job?” Is definitely a good one. Highlight to read it: “My lunch.”...
The story about him walking into a glass window is pretty funny but I enjoyed more the way he got his wife to not be afraid of flying: “Don’t be frightened if the plane crashes, we all die.” She was so mad at him for saying that that she fumed at him the whole flight and forgot o be afraid (she did not think it was a good idea though).
I did enjoy him mis-hearing the guy at the mobile phone center. He was asked “What would you be talking to your mother on?” (landline or cellular line). But he heard “What would you be talking to your mother about?” and was offended as to why the clerk would ask that.
His plumbing stories are very funny. His DIY skills are not the best but he keeps trying. I have to seriously question the reality of the dishwasher story. Would anybody actually pry up linoleum tiles to clean them better? And, really, would anyone ever think to put them in a dishwasher? Only a really really dumb person. And the whole “bubbles spilling out of the machine” has happened in about a dozen movies and I really don’t know if I believe it happens in reality. But the story is very well told made me laugh a lot nonetheless.
The one where he used a condom to patch up a leaking pipe was really very funny.
Ruining the furniture is a rite of passage for any family, so it’s hardly his fault. Indeed most of the stories about his kids misbehaving are just stories of kids misbehaving. But his telling of these stories is very good. And I’m pleased that on at least two occasions he states that watching your own kids is not babysitting.
But there is no excuse for waiting until Christmas Eve to buy your wife a present. None.
Many comedians have IKEA stories. What would the world do with out IKEA complaints? His is pretty funny especially for the observation that any box you buy is 0.5mm bigger than your trunk.
My favorite section was the one about fads because of (I’m susceptible to things like this too) starting something for a bit and not following through. I’m fascinated by the one that says rinsing your mouth with coconut oil is good for your teeth. (Swallowing coconut oil is not good for your digestive system though–a gross but funny anecdote).
Most of the stories would not have happened if he’d just pay a little attention–read a direction, check something twice–although he does ask what’s the fun in that. But surely he must have realized that dye needs to be washed out of a washing machine before you can wash something else in it.
However, I can totally sympathize with ordering Chinese takeaway from the wrong place, because I’ve certainly done it.
He has a story about putting his daughter in the shopping cart backwards. I honestly can’t imagine what way he put the girl in–the way I’m picturing it couldn’t happen I don’t think. But I did enjoy that she likes shopping with him more than her mum. In fact, he often proves to be the fun parent (much to the dismay of his long-suffering wife).
To me, the funniest part was the accident with the Neti Pot. I use one regularly and have put in water that was too hot. Now, you would have to be an absolute idiot to pour anything into your nose without testing the water’s temperature first. Especially if you boiled the water–it takes awhile to cool down and any adult should know that. However, the story he tells about burning his nostrils and shoving ice up his nose is really funny. I’ll just pretend it was a funny story he made up rather than thinking he’s really that dumb.
It is fun to say fecking eejit, too.
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