I Just Read About That…

SOUNDTRACK: WEEZER-Christmas EP (2000).

I heard a Weezer Christmas song this weekend when WRFF in Philadelphia was playing a Christmas takeover weekend–rock bands playing Christmas songs.

 I discovered the Christmas with Weezer EP, but the song they played was on this 2000 release.

That song is called “The Christmas Song” which is not any other Christmas song; it is a Weezer original.

With a heavy riff, Rivers sings a song of woe as the woman who told him she’d be there with him has stood him up and he is “waiting beside the tree all by myself.”

I like how the bridge features a note that sounds a bit like the “faaaaalll on your knees” part of “O Holy Night.”  Although it is actually, “Aaaaaaaah. Could you ever know how much I care?”  It’s got a very Weezer sound.

The other song on this release is called “Christmas Celebration.”  It’s a faster punkier song and despite the title, it is not much of a celebration .After a run-through of things that happens on Christmas

Carolers are singing
Registers ka-chinging
And the presents are in place
But I’d rather eat some mace
Cos that egg nog always makes me sick

we get to the crux.  Despite the “hoo hoo” at the end of each line, the vibe is negative.  The final repeated refrain is “The pageantry is such a bore.”

Not the most sentimental Christmas songs, although they are both quite catchy.

[READ: December 22, 2019] “Government Slots”

This year, S. ordered me The Short Story Advent Calendar.  This is my fourth time reading the Calendar.  I didn’t know about the first one until it was long out of print (sigh), but each year since has been very enjoyable.  Here’s what they say this year

The Short Story Advent Calendar is back! And to celebrate its fifth anniversary, we’ve decided to make the festivities even more festive, with five different coloured editions to help you ring in the holiday season.

No matter which colour you choose, the insides are the same: it’s another collection of expertly curated, individually bound short stories from some of the best writers in North America and beyond.

(This is a collection of literary, non-religious short stories for adults. For more information, visit our Frequently Asked Questions page.)

As always, each story is a surprise, so you won’t know what you’re getting until you crack the seal every morning starting December 1. Once you’ve read that day’s story, check back here to read an exclusive interview with the author.

Want a copy?  Order one here.

I’m pairing music this year with some Christmas songs that I have come across this year.

This was another of my favorite stories in the Advent Calendar.  It was so unexpected and thought-provoking.

I love how it starts on seemingly familiar ground with a list of three items: “three brown dahlias, pressed and dried; a photograph of a meadow in spring; a compass.”

It is Christmas Day and this federal office is open–the only federal office open. They are open every day because you never know.

An old woman comes past security and hands over her papers.  After an approval, she hands over her item–a sandwich bag full of cloud white fur.  But it is denied–nothing perishable or alive.

Another list of items: an endorsement letter signed by a cardinal; a miniature compendium of prayers for the dead; a pack of condoms.

Then we get a short history lesson with explanations for what was discovered–for why this building is here.  But the narrator knows it was an accident–a speculator found the purple grey metal–softer than it looks but not malleable by hand.  He doesn’t know what it is so he brings it to a friend who is a a metallurgical engineer.  She spends all of her life trying to figure out.

She has tried everything with it, including putting drops of her own blood on it.  The only thing she was able to determine was that when you turn the metal into an enclosure, the properties change–it seems like things might be able to disappear from our world into another.  But she has no proof and everyone thinks she is crazy.  She had placed a cat collar in the enclosure–a nod to Schrodinger, but nothing.  Finally on her deathbed as she breathed her last, the enclosure collapsed and the cat collar was gone.

The man who found it was also near death and he tried the same thing.  An enclosure, a drop of blood, an object (this time a Bible) and on his death bed, the same happens–a collapse and a vanished object.

Soon everyone received a box the size of a fist.  There were ground rules, but basically you could put anything in it that you wanted to bring to the afterlife.

There’s a cute scene with a child and transformer.

Billionaires had boxes the size of airplane hangars.

There’s a cult commune in Arizona near the site of the original find.  There’s also a hospice in which people die altruistically: in a house-sized enclosure sits all kinds of waste.  People are willing to use their death to remove this waste from the earth.

But there are also the unhappy.  Second Amendment nuts who are mad that you can’t bring a gun and also the religious (all religions) who feel this is heretical.

The latter part of the story concerns a woman coming in late on Christmas,   Everyone has gone home but the narrator–he is a janitor.  A woman is desperately trying to get in to use a box–most people wait until the last minute and many boxes go unused.  He shouldn’t let her in, he doesn’t want to, but he gives in.

The ending is bittersweet, as is the reality of these enclosures.

I really appreciated what the story is doing.

The calendar says, It’s December 22. Omar El Akkad, author of American War, can’t open that door no matter how hard you knock.