I Just Read About That…

SOUNDTRACK: CHEF-Chocolate Salty Balls (single) (1998).

This single itself is not a Christmas song (obviously).  But “Chocolate Salty Balls” is really catchy (with great organ) and is pretty funny.

The Christmas songs are the other two that are included with the disc.

They both come from South Park commercials or interstitials or something that was aired on TV back in the heyday.

The third (and weaker) song is Ned Gerblansky and Uncle Jimbo singing “Oh Little Town of Bethlehem.”  Ned is using his “cancer kazoo” to drone his way through the song.  It’s kind of funny.  But the real joke is that his batteries die and the whole song is less than a minute long.

The real treat is Cartman singing “O Holy Night.”  There is a second version that comes on the South Park Christmas album and it is also wonderful.  I have a hard time choosing which one of these I like more because that one is done well (but is still funny) and even has backing singers..  In this one, Kyle is given a cattle prod and is allowed to shock Cartman every time he messes up.  Which he does a lot.  Like, “Jesus was born and so we give presents, thank you Jesus for being born.”  This leads to a lot of cursing and screaming and a hilarious moment where he sings a beautiful operatic “divine.”  “Damn, Cartman.”

It cracks me up every time.

[READ: December 4, 2018] “Counselling”

Once again, I have ordered The Short Story Advent Calendar.  This is my third time reading the Calendar (thanks S.).  I never knew about the first one until it was long out of print (sigh).  Here’s what they say this year

Fourth time’s the charm.

After a restful spring, rowdy summer, and pretty reasonable fall, we are officially back at it again with another deluxe box set of 24 individually bound short stories to get you into the yuletide spirit.

The fourth annual Short Story Advent Calendar might be our most ambitious yet, with a range of stories hailing from eight different countries and three different originating languages (don’t worry, we got the English versions). This year’s edition features a special diecut lid and textured case. We also set a new personal best for material that has never before appeared in print.

Want a copy?  Order one here.

Like last year I’m pairing each story with a holiday disc from our personal collection.

This story is about a woman making questionable decisions.

She is with her counselor Kal (whom she is flirting with by calling Khal).  She has been talking explicitly about sex (“why are guys so turned on by the idea of coming on your face?”) and how she’s not into the guy she’s with.  She’s keenly aware of the patient that comes in before her “the dyed-blonde, high-heeled, bronzed, and polished ‘Karen.'”  She is jealous because she always falls for her counselors.  That’s the point, really.

She admits that she hits it off with some counselors more than others–she gives it two appointments to decide.  The guy before Kal wore a huge cross and preached abstinence.  After him, she made sure the insurance company knew she didn’t want “‘Christian counselling,’ thank you very much.”

In her experience, the counselors who adamantly state that they would never date a client are the first to break that rule.

She’s had four sessions with Kal and she is trying to decide if she should try to renew with him.  Insurance only gives you so much, but she lied and said her stepdad died (they can’t check), so she got 6 sessions.

She likes Kal, but she is especially excited when he suggests their next session take place at his home office–she’s sure Karen has never been there.  The session at his house is enjoyable and when she leaves he gives her a hug at the door.

She leaves she decides to go to a bar and she decides to “Sit boldly at the bar.  It’s only 4PM and there’s hardly anyone here, so maybe I’m not as daring as I imagine, but pulling yourself up to the bar alone is not for the shy.”

She decides to text Kal before she has too many drinks.  But as she is about to, he ex-boyfriend Dana shows up. She tells him she was just talking to her counselor about him–how she wondered if his beard would give her razor burns the first time he went down on her.  He buys her a drink and asks if she wants to get out of there.  She says it will take more than 2 pints to get her out of there.

She’s a little tipsy when she texts Kal “Maybe I can see you outside of [sessions]?”  By the time she leaves with Dana she’s had four pints and three shots.  So many things could happen next.

One of the cool things about this story is that Bird-Wilson is a Saskatchewan Métis and nêhiyaw writer.  The story isn’t “about” the culture, it’s about “normal” life within that culture.  This story includes references to Métis and how “She thought Crees couldn’t grow beards.”

I really liked this story even if I the narrator made me cringe for just about everything she did.

Here’s a link to an interview with Lisa Bird-Wilson.