I Just Read About That…

SOUNDTRACK: AHI-Tiny Desk Concert #693 (January 16, 2018).

AHI is apparently, inexplicably pronounced “eye.”  He is an Ontario-based singer.  There’s nothing strikingly original about his sound, but his songs are pretty and thoughtful and his voice has a pleasing rough edge.

Bob says,

AHI’s gruff but sweet voice and openly honest words were my gateway to this young Ontario-based singer. AHI says he sings Sam Cooke’s “A Change Is Gonna Come,” at the end of every set with a sense of hope. It was powerfully moving, without a note that felt clichéd or overly nostalgic. At that moment, I knew he needed to play a Tiny Desk Concert.

With a tasteful band comprised of Frank Carter Rische on electric guitar, Robbie Crowell on bass guitar and Shawn Killaly (a man of a million faces) on drums, AHI put his heart into three songs in just about 11 minutes, all from his debut album We Made It Through The Wreckage, which came out a year ago this week.

“Alive Again” builds slowly, but by the time the chorus comes around and he adds some whoops, the song really moves. I’m quite intrigued at the constant soloing from guitarist Frank Carter Rische.  It’s virtually nonstop and really seems to propel the song along.  It’s a catchy and fun song the way each round seems to make the song bigger and bigger.

About “Closer (From a Distance)” he says, we all have relationships.  Some are good; some are bad and some are just awful.  You may care about someone with your whole heart only to realize that you care about that person more than they care about themselves.  No matter how strong you are your strengths may not be as strong as their weaknesses.  Sometimes the only way to save the relationship is to walk away–“maybe we’ll be closer from a distance.”   This is a really heartbreaking song.  The lyrics are clearly very personal and quite powerful.  And the soloing throughout the song is really quiet and beautiful.

“Ol’ Sweet Day” is bouncy and catchy with a propulsive acoustic guitar and lovely licks on the lead acoustic guitar.  The drums are fun on this song as Killaly plays the wall and uses his elbow to change the sound of the drum at the end of the song.

The burning question that is never addressed is way he is wearing a helmet –motorcycle? horse riding?  It stays on the whole time.  At one point he even seems to “tip” his hat.  How peculiar.

[READ: December 8, 2017] Glorious and or Free

The Beaverton is a satirical news source based in Canada.  It began as a website in 2010 and then added a TV Show in 2016 (now in its second season).  To celebrate 2017, the creators made this book.

They have divided the history of Canada into 13 sections.  As with many satirical history books, you can learn a lot about a country or a time from the kinds of jokes made.  Obviously the joke of each article is fake, but they are all based in something.  Historical figures are accurate and their stereotypes and broadsides certainly give a picture of the person.

Some of the humor is dependent upon knowing at least a little about the topic, but some of the other articles are just broadly funny whether you know anything about it or not.

When we made this book our goal was to transport readers back to grade school to remember what they were taught n Canadian history class.  And so what if your teacher was hungover most of the time?

~30,000 Years of History in About Four Page (3,200,000,000 BCE – 1496)

“What the hell is that?”  –God after forgetting he made beavers.

Really there’s no history until 45,000 BCE, when a boy is disappointed that his spirit animal is now extinct. There’s also an Iroquois lacrosse game that lasts two weeks (no one knew what the purpose of the game at that time).

First Contact: Intercultural Foreplay (1497-1688)
I rather enjoyed the article in which the first Europeans felt badly for mislabelling the natives as Africans, believing that there were in Africa.  They should have been rightly calling them Indians all along.  Then came the arrival of the French.  In 1642, the Notre Dame Society founded Montreal as a colony for devout Christians and drunk university students.   Meanwhile Almighty God rewarded Jesuits with torture:

The Heavenly Father honoured Brother Jean de Brébeuf and Brother Gabriel Lalemant for their decades of religious study, fasting, teaching, grovelling, and genuflecting when he instructed the Iroquois to kidnap the pair during a raid on St. Louis. Brébeuf and Lalemant thanked the Lord for being blessed with a horrific demise.

Would they be boiled in oil like John the Apostle, thrown into a furnace like Shadrach, Meshach and Abednego or bludgeoned by an axe like St. Alphege.

France Two (1688-1763)
King Louis XIV decided to take a greater interest in the Canadian lands.  The country was originally going to be called “Fuck You English,” the church wanted to call it “Catholic Land.”  But the King settled on France Two.

There was the sad news that the oldest man in Quebec (aged 27) passed away.  And the story “Angry mother calls son by using all of his 328 middle and family names.”  Also, “La Verendrye threatens to turn back canoe if sons don’t stop asking ‘Are we there yet?'”

And the ever important military failure: “France loses Seven Years’ War after poor roll of the dice, places armies in Iceland.”

How to Make the French Drink Tea (1763-1837)
This time period ushered in the new proclamation that all English signage must be three times larger than French, says the Governor General.  As well as the sad news that spoil sport magistrate banned duelling.

What about the famous story that “Heroic chocolatier Laura Secord defeats American forces with type 2 diabetes.  [The truth of this story: She is known for having walked 20 miles (32 km) out of American-occupied territory in 1813 to warn British forces of an impending American attack. Her contribution to the war was little known during her lifetime, but since her death she has been frequently honoured in Canada. Though Secord had no relation to it, most Canadians associate her with the Laura Secord Chocolates company, named after her on the centennial of her walk.]

Rebellion, Struggle, and Mutton Chops (1837-1867)
The Rebellion was important, but “Rebellion vet asks if thing they fought and died for can have better name than Responsible Government.”  Britain encouraged citizens to emigrate to England.  This travel inspired Susanna Moodie to write a book called I Hate Canada: Why You Should Never Move Here (she taps into the common thread of disgust felt by most, if not all, British immigrants newly settled in Canada). [The truth is she wrote a book called Roughing It in The Bush: or, Forest Life in Canada. She was subject to some criticism, such as charges of anti-Canadian and anti-Irish bias].

There’s also a lot of jokes about John A. Macdonald being drunk “Macdonald government falls apart after he shows up at Parliament sober.”   The articles also include this useful warning: Is your neighbor a Fenian? His last name begins with Mc; he attends Fenian meetings, sometimes refered to as going to Catholic mass.  If your neighbor demonstrates these traits report him to your local Orange Order Lodge.  The section ends with a lengthy Choose your own Adventure in which you are John A. Macdonald (and you get drunk a lot).

National Puberty (1867-1914)
The all important “Three way treaty between Canada, Metis and mosquitoes creates province of Manitoba.”    You can see the first draft of The Indian Act (called Act to Destroy the Savage Indian Without Having to Kill Him Yourself,” and how desperate Alexander Graham Bell waits all day for woman to call him back.

There’s an essay by Dr Emily Stowe titled “The Only Reason I Became a Doctor Was To Look At Penises.  [The truth: Emily Howard Stowe was the first female doctor to practice in Canada and an activist for women’s rights and suffrage. Stowe helped found the women’s suffrage movement in Canada and campaigned for the country’s first medical college for women.]  Meanwhile, Sanford Fleming invented the time-zone machine.  There’s also an oral history of the Riel Rebellion as told by the participants–through a séance.

The Okay War (1914-1918)
This section begins with eight ways to know whether your neighbor is actually The Hun!  Also, the arguments against women voting were simple back then: “women’s childbearing hips too wide to fit in voting booth says men.” In war news, Billy Bishop shoots down entire German air force [the truth: he was credited with shooting down 72 planes].  If you were looking for fun during the war you could play some Jingo Bingo.  Meanwhile, a fierce battle raged in Belgium over correct pronunciation of “Ypres.”  When the war was over and the celebrating began, there was the problem that “War Amputees Delay Victory Parade” because they are so slow.

Intermission (1919-1939)
Winnipeg strikers demand causal Fridays during their 144 hour work week.  Mackenzie King’s dead mother becomes Governor General (no idea what that’s based on).

In entertainment news: Heavy Canadian Accent Ruins Mary Pickford’s debut in Talkies.  And the fight for women continued: bimbos, babes and broads are people too.   With no wars, other things took precedence: Dionne Quintuplets Remind Nation That Things Could Be Worse.

But the lead up to WWII was approaching.  Mackenzie King said the country should be fashionably late with war declaration, doesn’t want to appear desperate.

World War Redux (1939-1945)
Similarly King was seen buying time on a restaurant menu choice.  Also, Japanese/Canadian Great War vet granted internment camp honour.  Similarly Ukrainians happy not to be interned this war.

But things weren’t all good: Unpatriotic baby born with flat feet.  And to their dismay military brass say all the good Operation Names already taken.

Booms: Atomic, Baby, and Otherwise (1945-1966)
In 1956, 0% of Canadian parents refuse to give their child the polio vaccination over fears of autism.  Tommy Douglas’ speech explains, “by eugenics, I meant universal health care.”

One of my favorite jokes: Newfoundland joins Canada 30 minute earlier than expected.

Toronto Ferry towed by Marilyn Bell [Marilyn Grace Bell Di Lascio was the first person to swim across Lake Ontario and later swam the English Channel and Strait of Juan de Fuca].  Now, there’s the public service: How to tell at a glance if your neighbor is a communist   “Keep an eye out for anyone who behaves weird or different according to your own preconceived subjective notions of what normal behaviour looks like.”

I also enjoyed Mother shamed for not permitting child to play outside unsupervised.  There’s also the children’s flag-drawing competition that determined the new country flag.  The winner is a hilariously sloppy rendition of the maple leaf flag.   And in a sports note, hockey experts predicts leafs will win 20 more cups before year 2000.

Mid-life Crisis (1967-1999)
Exciting news: “bilingualism achieved after customs official learns bonjour.”  In more important news: “Canada declares three days of mourning after Gretzsky trade.”  For women: “Feminist bride smashes patriarchy by keeping father’s last name” and “Canada’s first female prime minster, Kim Campbell, to be paid 30% less in salary.”

And in national events: “Terry Fox backtracks 20,000 kms after forgetting to lock front door.

There’s even  joke about Ronald Reagan (just one?): “Demented Reagan puts Canada US Free Trade Agreement in fridge again.”  In cultural news: “Trivial Pursuit gives Canadians new board game to fight about.”

In separatist news: Quebec premier Jacque Parizeau has apologized for his remarks blaming “money and the ethnic vote” for the defeat of the Yes side on the Quebec referendum and has said that from now on he will simple call them “Jews.”

Stuff You Should Probably Remember (2000-2017)
National identity restored after gold medal hockey game win.  Margaret Atwood goes part-time at Starbucks to pursue writing passion.  And, amazingly. “Dozens survive hour-long Wi-Fi outage.”  Government removes Trans from Trans-Canada Highway citing family values.  The most current joke in the books is that new P.M. Justin Trudeau vows to photobomb every Canadian by 2019.

Addendum (2017-2167)
This is just a silly chapter imagining the future.  It’s surprisingly tame and mildly amusing.  Global warming is addressed in 2062 with “Another bumper harvest from Nunavut: wheat mangoes.”  There’s also “Tories oppose death ray gun registry.”  But my favorite was “Giant pandas now an invasive species have eaten over half of Canadians boreal forest.”

Historical satire can be a tough game.  It’s easy to be lazy and general.  It’s also easy to get too wrapped up in one angle.  This book does a good job if staying general but with some good specific barbs when needed.

Read it and you might learn a thing or two about Canada.