I Just Read About That…

[LISTENED TO: April 29, 2015] Bossypants

After listening to Amy Poehler’s audio book, it made me want to listen to Tina Fey’s book.  Sarah had read the book and said it was very funny, but I imagined that the audio would be even funnier.  And boy was it ever funny.

And here’s where I apologize to Tina Fey.  I had always heard her spoken about in such lofty terms as the funniest writer, the golden child (insert various rave here), and I wound up holding her to an unfair standard.  I never found her funny enough for me.  She made me laugh, but, for instance, I thought Mean Girls could have been…more somehow.  After listening to this, I realized what the problem was for me.  I always felt like her stuff could have been more pointed or something, but I realize that given the media she works with she was unlikely to “get away” with anything more pointed–certainly not on Saturday Night Live or 30 Rock.  Rather, she did lots of subtly feminist (or sometime over the top feminist) jokes that I didn’t really appreciate for what she was doing.  But when she lets loose in this book it is really amazing to hear what she herself–not a team of writers–has to say.  Of course, having said that, and having listened to the book, I absolutely need to rewatch 30 Rock (although I never cared for the Tracey Morgan or Jane Krakowski characters) and maybe even some old Weekend updates.

But, I already know Tina’s response to me, because she says it in the book.  And, it talks about something Amy Poehler once said.

Amy dropped what she was doing, went black in the eyes for a second, and wheeled around on him. “I don’t fucking care if you like it.” Jimmy was visibly startled. Amy went right back to enjoying her ridiculous bit …

With that exchange, a cosmic shift took place. Amy made it clear that she wasn’t there to be cute. She wasn’t there to play wives and girlfriends in the boys’ scenes. She was there to do what she wanted to do and she did not fucking care if you like it …

I think of this whenever someone says to me, “Jerry Lewis says women aren’t funny,” or Christopher Hitchens says women aren’t funny,” or “Rick Fenderman says women aren’t funny. … Do you have anything to say to that?”

Since Tina’s book is all about women not tearing other women down to get ahead, I will honor that by only saying this in comparison to Amy Poehler’s book: Tina’s is much funnier.  But that is also on purpose.  Amy’s book isn’t meant to be exclusively funny (although there are some very funny parts)–she’s got a lot of other things going on–while Tina’s is pretty much funny throughout (even when making some serious points).  Oh and Tina’s book includes the pictures from the book on a PDF–so you don’t miss anything!

And one of the serious points is that Tina has a lot of advice (comically delivered but very serious) for women.  This is a feminist book with a ton of humor in it.  And I loved it for that.

Following up on the quote above she says:

If the answer is yes, you have a more difficult road ahead of you. I suggest you model your strategy after the old Sesame Street film piece “Over! Under! Through!” (If you’re under forty you might not remember this film. It taught the concepts of “over, “under,” and “through” by filming toddlers crawling around in an abandoned construction site. They don’t show it anymore because someone has since realized that’s nuts.) If your boss is a jerk, try to find someone above or around your boss who is not a jerk. If you’re lucky, your workplace will have a neutral proving ground—like the rifle range or the car sales total board or the SNL read-through. If so, focus on that.

Again, don’t waste your energy trying to educate or change opinions. Go “Over! Under! Through!” and opinions will change organically when you’re the boss. Or they won’t. Who cares?

Tina offers a lot of unsolicited advice (the best kind).  And as I remember the book, I keep finding passages I need to quote.  Like this from the Introduction (already funny in the introduction!):

If you are a woman and you bought this book for practical tips on how to make it in a male-dominated workplace, here they are. No pigtails, no tube tops. Cry sparingly. (Some people say “Never let them see you cry.” I say, if you’re so mad you could just cry, then cry. It terrifies everyone.)

She also explains the title of the book:

Ever since I became an executive producer of 30 Rock, people have asked me, ‘Is it hard for you, being the boss?’ and ‘Is it uncomfortable for you to be the person in charge?’ You know, in the same way they say, ‘Gosh, Mr. Trump, is it awkward for you to be the boss of all these people?’ I can’t answer for Mr. Trump, but in my case it is not.

Tina starts from th every beginning of her life, growing up in Upper Darby, PA.  And even her “origin story” is funny.  When she goes to school and her mother brings her “nap blanket” to kindergarten and the teacher says they don’t do naps anymore–she knew she had old parents.  She talks a lot about the scar on her face (which I had never noticed) and how she got it as a child.  It’s q pretty shocking story, but she has made the best of it all.

Tina curses a lot and I find it very funny.  Again, I don’t want to compare to Poehler too much, but I felt like Amy was a more serious and formal reader so the curses stuck out, but in Tina’s book the curses seem to just pop out easily–maybe I can more easily believe Tina Fey has a potty mouth.

I really enjoyed the way Tina used gender differences to deconstruct sexism.  Like when she talks about the “my first period” kit.  It’s a hilarious story about her mother not reading the manual that came with it.  She also has a funny Q&A with the makers of the product (with one person named Tabitha–my daughter has to wait several years before hearing this–but more on that in my next post).

She ties this in to a skit at SNL decades later in which she pitched a retro feminine hygiene commercial.  It sounds hilarious, but the male writers didn’t think it was funny.  She later learned it was not because they were sexist, it was because they had no idea what she was talking about–it wasn’t deliberate sexism, just unfamiliarity.  Not that there isn’t blatant sexism everywhere in comedy and Hollywood.

Some other very funny moments (and just FYI, I’m only on about page 17 of the book in my recapping) is her first gynecological visit and the uncomfortable pap smear (never have a heard a pap smear joke that referenced Toy Story before).

What I really loved was the “All Girls Must Be Everything ” chapter.  And this is why in my post later today I will plead for Tina and Amy to write a book for young girls.  Tina lists all of things that girls have to “worry” about on their body.  And the list is long and depressing.

And then, what felt like moments later, boom—Beyoncé brought the leg meat. A back porch and thick muscular legs were now widely admired. And from that day forward, women embraced their diversity and realized that all shapes and sizes are beautiful. Ah ha ha. No. I’m totally messing with you. All Beyonce and JLo have done is add to the laundry list of attributes women must have to qualify as beautiful. Now every girl is expected to have Caucasian blue eyes, full Spanish lips, a classic button nose, hairless Asian skin with a California tan, a Jamaican dance hall ass, long Swedish legs, small Japanese feet, the abs of a lesbian gym owner, the hips of a nine-year-old boy, the arms of Michelle Obama, and doll tits.

Tina talks about growing up in the Philly suburbs and attending Summer Showtime, a theater program started by a Catholic man who probably had no idea he was encouraging gay youth to thrive.

No one was ever turned gay by being at Summer Showtime, because that’s not possible. If you could turn gay from being around gay people, wouldn’t Kathy Griffin be Rosie O’Donnell by now? The straight boys quickly learned to be accepting and easygoing, and the straight girls learned over the course of several years to stop falling in love with gay boys.

She talks extensively about working with the fabulous gays and lesbians–two of whom were her best friends during that time. And then a little later she reveals that even though she was comfortable around them she still had vestiges of homophobia and how badly she felt about that.  It’s a surprising message of tolerance tucked into a very funny section.

There is an outstanding chapter about her dad (whom she continuously refers to as “Don Fey”).  He was a strong man who took no crap (even Alec Baldwin was impressed by him).  And her comment about her father and her attitude towards her own daughter is how I feel as a parent all the time:

I only hope that one day I can frighten my daughter this much. Right now, she’s not scared of my husband or me at all. I think it’s a problem. I was a freshman home from college the first time my dad said, “You’re going out at ten p.m.? I don’t think so,” and I just laughed and said, “It’s fine.” I feel like my daughter will be doing that to me by age six.  How can I give her what Don Fey gave me? The gift of anxiety. The fear of getting in trouble. The knowledge that while you are loved, you are not above the law. (53)

She also mentions “The Most Important Person” a Saturday morning cartoon interstitial (like School House Rock, but not) whose theme I perpetually have rolling in my head.  Because yes I was the most important person in the whole wide world.  Of course, Tina’s comment is: “is this not the absolute worst thing you can instill in a child” (54).  [Apologies for having some page numbers but not all].

There are some sad and tough times in her young adult life–like when she climbed a mountain a with a guy whom she liked.  In the dark.  And he fell off!  Or the utterly dispiriting job she had at the YMCA (and how she used her savvy to get a promotion that her coworker probably needed more).

But then she moves on to what she always wanted to do–write for Saturday Night Live (she also does a great impression of Lorne Michaels).  And she talks about her husband (I like that she changes his name in one of the chapters).

I personally loved the story of her honeymoon cruise which she titles “My Honeymoon, or A Supposedly Fun Thing I’ll Never Do Again Either*” *If you get this reference to David Foster Wallace’s 1997 collection of essays, consider yourself a member of the cultural elite. Why do you hate your country and flag so much?!

Fey’s experience worse than DFW’s as there is a dangerous emergency (three Bravos!) and her later realization that a cruise is basically just a place where people who hate to fly can go on vacation.  Her snarky comments about cruising, tied together with DFW’s (and Sarah’s general fear of the ocean means I will never be in a cruise ship).

She gets to the SNL days by around page 120 (out of 275).  And I loved that she tells stories about very funny people, but also tells lots of great stories about working with the writers and how all the men just pee into jars rather than going to the bathroom.

Some other funny sections that refer to fame are the chapter on being a cover model–which is hilarious and affirming at the same time as being jealousy inducing (although the Snookie joke is funny).  Also her “Dear internet” quips (which I was very conscious of as I wrote my second paragraph).

Then we get to 30 Rock–its origins (thanks Lorne Michaels) and how (Alec Baldwin) something (Alec Baldwin) managed to keep the show (and Alec Baldwin) from getting cancelled.  She mentions many of the writers and her favorites jokes from each of them.  I also really enjoyed the chapter about Oprah being on the show and how it conflicted with her being on SNL doing Sarah Palin for the first time.  And more importantly, her daughter’s Peter Pan birthday party was that weekend too!

I had forgotten how great her Sarah Palin impression was (even vocally), and the original skit is included in the audio book (and a video clip on disc 5) so you can remember as well.  The bit with Poehler/Clinton and Fey/Palin was really revolutionary.

Her chapter on celebrating Christmas was also very funny, especially the part about driving Rte 80–which I could relate to.  I only wish they had stopped in DuBois.

Tina is an incredibly funny writer.  And I can appreciate how her background in different kinds of comedy allows her to write for very different audiences–something that I didn’t appreciate before, but i sure as hell get now.

Tina ends with “A Mother’s Prayer for Its Daughter.”  And it is this and many other things that inspired the post which I will put up next.  But I’ll end with her own words.

First, Lord: No tattoos. May neither Chinese symbol for truth nor Winnie-the-Pooh holding the FSU logo stain her tender haunches.

May she be Beautiful but not Damaged, for it’s the Damage that draws the creepy soccer coach’s eye, not the Beauty.

When the Crystal Meth is offered,

May she remember the parents who cut her grapes in half

And stick with Beer.

Guide her, protect her

When crossing the street, stepping onto boats, swimming in the ocean, swimming in pools, walking near pools, standing on the nearby subway platform, crossing 86th Street, stepping off of boats, using mall restrooms, getting on and off escalators, driving on country roads while arguing, leaning on large windows, walking in parking lots, riding Ferris wheels, roller-coasters, log flumes, or anything called “Hell Drop,” “Tower of Torture,” or “The Death Spiral Rock N’ Zero G Roll featuring Aerosmith,” and standing on any kind of balcony ever, anywhere, at any age.

Lead her away from Acting but not all the way to Finance.

Something where she can make her own hours but still feel intellectually fulfilled and get outside sometimes

And not have to wear high heels.

What would that be, Lord? Architecture? Midwifery? Golf course design? I’m asking You because if I knew, I’d be doing it, too dammit.

May she play the Drums to the fiery rhythm of her Own Heart with the sinewy strength of her Own Arms, so she need Not Lie With Drummers.

Grant her a Rough Patch from twelve to seventeen. 

Let her draw horses and be interested in Barbies for much too long,

For Childhood is short — a Tiger Flower blooming

Magenta for one day –

And Adulthood is long and Dry-Humping in Cars will wait.

O Lord, break the Internet forever,

That she may be spared the misspelled invective of her peers

And the online marketing campaign for Rape Hostel V: Girls Just Wanna Get Stabbed.

And when she one day turns on me and calls me a Bitch in front of Hollister,

Give me the strength, Lord, to yank her directly into a cab in front of her friends,

For I will not have that Shit. I will not have it….

Amen.