[LISTENED TO: August 2014] Horton Halfpott
Last summer we listened to Angleberger’s book Fake Mustache, which was one of my favorite audio books ever (until the League of Princes series). In fact we just re-listened to fake Mustache and enjoyed it even more the second time! I was pretty excited to listen to Horton Halfpott as well because it has two subtitles. Since we had a long drive ahead of us, it seemed the ideal time to bust out Horton.
And while I did enjoy the book by the end (quite a lot in fact), I found it a little slow going in the beginning. This book was narrated by Ron Keith, who is British. There is nothing weird about that because the book is set in Britain. It is just such a stark change from Fake Mustache (which was so very American) that I think it took a while for us to adjust to the rather stiff and formal (but funny) reading that this book had (compared to the wild and crazy reading of Mustache). Since the book is a kind of spoof on Dickensian class stories, the narration makes perfect sense.
This entire adventure begins on the day that M’Lady Luggertuck loosens her corset (the narrator apologizes for even talking about an old lady’s underwear, but it is crucial to the story):
There are so many exciting things in this book — a Stolen Diamond, snooping stable boys, a famous detective, the disappearance of a Valuable Wig, love, pickle éclairs, unbridled Evil, and the Black Deeds of the Shipless Pirates — that it really does seem a shame to begin with ladies’ underwear.
M’Lady Luggertuck usually wears her corset very very tight, and she acts like she has on a very very tight corset–there is no happiness to be found in Smugwick manor. But on the day that she asks her maid to loosen the corset a little bit, a kind of shock wave floods through the castle, which seems to encourage everyone to loosen up just a bit.
Everyone, that is except for Horton’s superior, Miss Neversly. Miss Neversly is a mean mean woman, always ready to hit someone (especially Horton) over the head with a wooden spoon (ouch), always ready to doubt someone, always looking for and never receiving praise from M’Lady Luggertuck.
Horton, by the way is a kitchen boy. He is not a bad boy at all, just an unlucky boy in a bad situation (see, the set up is very Dickensian, and Angleberger thanks Dickens in his acknowledgments). Horton’s best friend is a stable boy named Bump. They are also friends with the other stable boys Blight and Blemish. And the story is certainly sympathetic to these poor lower class individuals.
I recall enjoying the beginning of the book (the narrator’s asides were very funny), but things seemed to slow down a bit by the end of disc one (I am willing to blame it on the traffic jam we were in). The jokes were more subtle than I was expecting. But when we started disc two (after a lunch break) the humor came back to us and we revelled in the story all the way to the end.
There are some simply wonderful jokes and parodies (of genres, not specific items) that Angleberger throws in. Like the constant mentions of “other” books about M’Lady Luggertuck. Like “M’Lady Luggertuck Hires a Tattooed Nanny.” There’s a very funny running joke about how lazy Portnoy St. Pomfrey, the world’s greatest detective, actually is. And of course, there is the extremely intrusive narrator, who throws in his own opinions throughout the story. Like this wonderful little section:
“‘Lazy, lazy, lazy boy!’ roared Miss Neversly, a middle-aged woman with two hundred years’ worth of meanness in her. Her wild black hair whipped across her furious face as she swung her spoon at the servant boy. ‘Wretched wart-covered ape!’
“Beware, Reader, do not form an opinion of Horton based on Miss Neversly’s cruel words. True, he had just been a trifle careless in the matter of firewood fetching. However, he is to be the hero of our story and it is only fair to point out that he was ill-paid and ill-treated for his services, which mostly involved the washing of dishes and was normally done quite carefully.”
So what actually happens when the lady loosens her corset? Well, mostly, something very valuable goes missing. The Luggertuck Lump is stolen and the family is in panic (which is how the detective comes on the scene). But just what is the lump? Well, let’s say that it is very ugly and also very very valuable–in fact the whole family’s fortunes are based on it.
Horton, the wicked wicked kitchen boy is the likely suspect. Unless of course you are not part of the Luggertuck Family, for otherwise you will suspect that the real thief is the ungrateful son Luther Luggertuck, who lives in the basement. Luther is a quintessential villain–lazy, unpleasant, expectant and willing to do anything to get what he wants. And what he wants is Celia, the heiress. But Celia is being wooed by, well just about every man in the vicinity. But during the big party at Luggertuck Manor, Celia is being wooed by Montgomery, a right pill of a man, whom Celia has no interest in.
But Luther has hatched a fiendish plot which involves pirates (even though they are in a landlocked area), a costume party and fiendish proposal.
Our heroes have to deal with Mrs Neversly’s watchful eye, St. Pomfrey’s ineptitudes, and having to sneak around all while not being seen in places where he shouldn’t be. Fortunately there are kinder heads at the Manor, and one of the older relatives (who doesn’t like the way the Luggertucks have turned out) is on Horton’s side. So Horton hatches a very cunning plan. It involves the costume party, Mrs Neversley and even the pirates. (The pirates threaten to make someone walk the plank even though they have no ship, so when a surprise plank appears at the end of the story it all ties together so nicely (my children recalled the origin of the plank when it came back (I had forgotten) so good for them).
And of course, there is the great hunt for the lump, which Horton, Bump, Blight and Blemish work together to solve. (When Blight and Blemish talk to each other they speak quite posh and proper English, but they must revert to stable boy talk whenever others are around). And of course, there is the matter of Celia, whom Horton thinks ts the most beautiful woman he has ever seen. But they are so far apart in class, how could he dare to even talk to her? Well, Celia is not fainting flower, and she has plans of her own.
So yes, all in all I liked this book a lot. I feel like I need to listen to it again, to really catch all of the details that I missed. Maybe next summer, we’ll play it again. It’s also funny the way the book ends, with a wonderful epilogue for all of the characters.
Incidentally, Angleberger has also written under the pseudonym Sam Riddleberger and I hear that his The Qwikpick Adventure Society is quite enjoyable too.
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