I Just Read About That…

SOUNDTRACK: RED HOT CHILI PEPPERS-“Magic Johnson” (1989).

Just before the Red Hot Chili Peppers totally took off and became stadium stars, they released Mother’s Milk.  It was a commercialized realization of their three earlier more raw sounding funk rock records.  It was one of my favorite records of the late 80s.

Since Flea is interviewed in this issue of Grantland, and since he’s still a fan of the Lakers, it seemed like a good time to mention this song.

It opens with some martial drums (from then new drummer Chad Smith) and band chanting about M A G I C.  The lyrics are sung very quickly (I’m not even sure what they say half the time).  About 80 seconds in some wild guitar work burst forth, but it’s largely a chanted song of bass and drums.  There’ s a brief jam at the end where Flea shows off some great basswork and John Frusciante gets to do his thing again.

I don’t think I’ve ever heard it played anywhere (maybe at Lakers games?), so here’s a chance to hear it:

[READ: May 8, 2012] Grantland 3

One thing is for sure, Grantland loves it some basketball.  Basketball is the most widely covered sport in the published Grantlands so far. (The first issue even looked like one).  Since basketball is such a pop culture-referencing sport it actually works pretty well as a subject–with lots of different angles–especially given the state of the NBA lately.  Some other things on the Grantland staff’s minds include–the dangers of football and inadequacy of helmets to protect kids and Tim frickin Tebow (still!).  I don’t think an issue has past without talking about him yet.  I realize that’s a function of the time of these publications but… ew!

Nevertheless, the writing remains exciting and interesting, even for a non-sports guy like me.

BILL SIMMONS-“The Day the NBA Lost Its Way”
A lot of backstory is useful to understanding this article (who even knew that they NBA owned the New Orleans Hornets??–thankfully all background is provided).  But the short version is that the proposed trade of Chris Paul was vetoed by David Stern of the NBA (even though it was totally legal) and this trade impacted five teams in negative ways.  Fascinating.

JAY CASPIAN KANG-“Super Bowl Araby”
Kang traveled to Saigon to watch the Super Bowl and to forget….

CHARLES P. PIERCE-“Public Displays of Religion”
Seriously, Tim Tebow is not all that compelling.  I love Charles Pierce and must find more of his writing.

CHRIS CONNELLY-“The Greatest of All Time”
A testament to Whitney Houston

JAY KASPIAN KANG-“Whitney, the Ultimate Diva”
More nice things said about Whitney

THE GRANTLAND STAFF-“Beyond the Red Carpet”
The staff blogs about the Oscars so you don’t have to watch them.  Hilarious.

AMOS BARSHAD-“The Truth About Paul Pierce”
Pierce is a Celtics legend–he stayed through the bad times and has now scored more points than Larry Bird.

DAVE KINDRED-“The Last Sweet Man in Boxing”
I know less about boxing than any other sport, but this piece about boxing’s most famous trainer, Angelo Dundee, was very nice.

DAVID JACOBY-“Grantland Goes Hollywood”
This is the Reality TV Fantasy League Awards.  You actually need to know a little about reality TV to follow this one.  I don’t, so it wasn’t as funny as it could have been.  But I still laughed.

KENNY POWERS-“Too Gifted for the Wheaties Box”
An open letter from a gifted athlete to Tim Tebow.

JONAH LEHRER-“The Fragile Teenage Brain”
Seriously, kids are getting really hurt by football.

ANDY GREENWALD-“Now Hiring”
This new season of The Office pretty much blew, huh?  Here’s some options for them.

BILL BARNWELL-“The Roads Less Traveled”
A list of mishaps that led the Giants and Pats to be in the Super Bowl again. This is interesting and obviously researched, but this kind of thinking could apply to anything.

MICHAEL WEINRIB-“The Undoing of a Legend”
The final word on Joe Paterno?

WESLEY MORRIS-“The Era of the NBA Nerd”
When did NBA stars start dressing like Carlton Banks?  Is this a reaction to the new dress code rules?  Will it make inner city kids pull their pants up?

CHRIS RYAN, JAY CASPIAN KANG, BILL SIMMONS-“The Aging Mamba”
I don’t understand the title, but this is all about Kobe Bryant being…Kobe Bryant.

KATIE BAKER-“A Visit with the Goon Squad”
Hockey fights are part of the sport, and even when they’re not, they make the news because people want to see them, right?  This was an interesting article that looked into a confounding issue that is fraught with circular arguments.

TYLER COWEN and KEVIN GRIER-“Football Apocalypse”
Will head injuries and the expense of insurance see the end of football?  This is a serious look at the possible demise of the NFL and therefore college ball.  I wonder if it’s possible?

CHUCK KLOSTERMAN-“The Van Halen Dream State”
A Van Halen reunion show with David Lee Roth in a small club=pretty darn good.

REMBERT BROWNE-“Bracketology: 2011 in Review”
Impactful events of 2011 done in brackets.  Will Tim Tebow be the top?  Will the Jay-Z family reign supreme?

JONATHAN ABRAMS-INSERT: “Malice at the Palace”
I vaguely recall this incident, which I guess every basketball fan will never forget–the night that Ron Artest attacked a fan who threw a bottle of beer at him and the melee that ensued.  There’s a few interesting things in the quotes from the players involved–most of them involving how much money they make  (like Reggie Miller’s concern about his expensive suit) and Artest worrying that he lost $3 million dollars for his suspension.  And then there’s the fascinating disconnect of this from Jermaine O’Neal

I’ve lived in that environment [in Indiana] where you can walk into a restaurant and there’s so much love there that you get ready to pay your bill and your bill is paid already.  Or anywhere you go , there’s so much love.  I’ve seen that part….  And they kind of live through [watching games on TV] with all the tough times that they are going through.  Indiana is one of the hardest-hit unemployment states in America.  [So maybe pay for your own dinner, millionaire].

There’s also shocking disregard for the fans with one player calling the people who sit in the cheap seats “felons.”  It’s amazing that anyone went to games after this.

MOLLY LAMBERT-“The Year of the Crazy Bitch”
Why are all roles for women about crazy women?  Why is the entertainment industry afraid to make movies for women?  Why did Disney change the name of A Princess from Mars to John Carter (and then watch it tank–I suspect more people would want to see A Princess from Mars, actually).

HARRIS WITTELS-Humblebrag: Award Season!
I do love the humblebrags.

REMBERT BROWNE-“If This Hair Could Talk”
What is up with J.R. Smith’s crazy part in his hair?  I wish a picture was included.

SHANE RYAN-“Stall Ball”
I had no idea that NCAA basketball teams were stalling so bad.  A recent game saw Michigan State play Illinois and the final score was 42-41.  Get that shot clock lowered to 24 seconds, men!

TESS LYNCH-“Down the Reality Rabbit Hole”
I had no idea that someone affiliated with a Real Housewives show killed himself.  Lynch asks why anyone still watches it.

BRIAN PHILLIPS-“The Brief, Glorious Career of Tom Molineaux”
I didn’t think I would enjoy this long (30 pages) article about a one hundred year old boxing match.  But it was really very interesting–Phillips does a great job with the historical information and he writes suspensefully (for those of us who don’t know anything about the event).

BILL SIMMONS-“Just Like Last Time”
Looking for silver linings for Patriots fans after the Super Bowl.

ALEX PAPPADEMAS-“Will the Real Lana Del Ray Please Stand Up?”
This seems particularly silly now that she has all but disappeared, but it was probably relevant when it was written.

TARA ARIANO-“As Seen on Dystopian TV”
A great look at the crazy shows advertised in the movie 80s movie The Running Man and how many of them are real now.

CHUCK KLOSTERMAN-“America’s Hatred of Horses”
A funny look at why American hate horses so much (see the demise of the show Luck).

ROBERT MAYS-“The End of  the Border War”
Missouri is moving to a different conference.  The 100+ year rivalry with Kansas is at an end.

RAFE BARTHOLOMEW-“A Fate Worse than Death”
Some truly awful basketball teams are discussed.

DAVE TOMPKINS-“Label Conscious”
The power of early Def Jam.  And an interesting looking at a rapper T La Rock  who emerged from a coma and didn’t know he had been T La Rock.

BRAIN PHILLIPS-“Learn to Love Napoli”
If you’re looking for a European football team (and who isn’t) Napoli should be your choice!

BILL JAMES-“A Message to Cooperstown”
Here’s why(with tons of statistics) Dwight Evans should be inducted into the hall of fame.

LOUISA THOMAS-“Right Man, Wrong Time”
Andy Murray just can’t seem to get his shit together [Except at the Olympics, huh?]

MARK LISANTI-“How to Fix an Oscar Race”
Hilarious things you can say to Oscar voters to sway them away from certain pictures.

MARK TITUS-“You Needed a Channel for That”
Why is the Mountain West Conference on its own network?  Plus a brief look at NBCSN [which was my beacon during the Olympics], apparently during the non-Olympics days they show cycling, horse racing and Professional Bull Riders among other niche sports.  Awesome!

JAY CASPIAN KANG-“A Question of Identity”
An article about Jeremy Lin and how much he has done for Asians in sports.  And how appalling it is that he still has to deal with stupid comments like “a chink in the armor.”

THOMAS MULLEN-“The Art of a Basketball”
A short story that I reviewed yesterday.  Which I rather enjoyed.

There’s also a series of conversations in the book: Jalen Rose with David Jacoby; Bill Simmons with Larry Bird; Flea with Bill Simmons.  The last page is a bunch of stickers of football refs making calls–stick them anywhere!  And the front and back inner covers are all random people Tebowing.  The front cover is less exciting than the first two issues were, but it is a pretty good summary of all the content inside.  I also noticed  there were no color portraits in this issue.

Perhaps budget cuts are affecting Grantland as well.  I hope not because even though I don’t follow sports and even though these articles are often from several months after the fact, I find these stories very interesting.  And it keeps me vaguely conversant with the other guys at work.