I Just Read About That…

SOUNDTRACK: BABE THE BLUE OX-“Basketball” (1998).

This was the first song I’d ever heard from Babe the Blue Ox, and I was hooked (sadly, The Way We Were, where this song is from was their last album).  This is also my favorite songs about sports (and it will never be played in an arena).

It opens with this great funky keyboard over a cool walking bass line.  And after a verse about playing basketball, we get the gorgeous bridge: “pass it to me, I am free, look there’s no one guarding me) sung by one of the women in the band (who sounds vaguely like Edie Brickell).  When the chorus kicks in “And when she gives it to me, I am as high as can be” both singers harmonize wonderfully.

There’s even a cool instrumental break.

Everything about this song is catchy and wonderful.  And it should have been huge.

[READ: December 21, 2011] Grantland

McSweeney’s seems to keep trying to push me away.  Or maybe they are just trying to push me out of my comfort zone.  First they publish Lucky Peach, a magazine about cooking (with recipes that contain ingredients that I couldn’t find anywhere).  I don’t read cooking magazines, but I loved this one.  Now they publish Grantland, a book about sports.  I don’t follow sports.  At all.  I used to play sports and I used to watch sports, and then when I got out of college, I did neither.  I have a very good knowledge of most sports (so I can still follow any game that’s on), but as for actual people playing the games right now–I’m ignorant.  So, why on earth would I want to read this book about sports?

I was pretty sure I would finally not be getting this book until I read the author list: Chuck Klosterman, Colson Whitehead (!), Malcolm Gladwell (?)  I knew this was going to be no ordinary sports book.

So it turns out (and I didn’t know this until just now) that the book is a collection of works from the website Grantland, which is created and run by Bill Simmons.  I haven’t explored the site but it sure looks interesting enough–longish articles about sports and culture and all kinds of interesting things.  And evidently this issue is a sort of best of the website.  The whole Grantland experience, including this book, are connected to ESPN, indeed, ESPN gets a copyright for the book, McSweeney’s is just the publisher.

And this volume was wonderful.  I couldn’t put it down.  I even wound up putting aside a book I was in the middle of to read it.  None of the articles are terribly long and, despite the basketball textured cover (which is very cool–no one can walk by and not touch it) the variety of sports covered is wonderful: from boxing to cricket!  And there are short stories and essays about the entertainment industry as well (articles on Shia LeBeouf and Amy Winehouse (!)).

If I had one complaint about the book it’s that many of the articles don’t give a time from when they were written.  I assume they are all fairly recent but since I don’t follow sports I can’t say for sure.  The other problem is that several of the stories end with a game/match unresolved.  Clearly they have been resolved since then, but even one line saying what happened would be comforting for those of us not glued to ESPN.

WESLEY ALLSBROOK-Portraits
The book opens with 8 full-color portraits, which are all quite striking.

BILL SIMMONS-“LeBrondown, Pt. II”
Even I know who LeBron James is (he passes the author’s mom-test–you know someone has saturated culture when his mom asks about the person).  This fascinating articles looks at the spectacle of LeBron and his historic crash in the playoffs.  The subtitle “Jordan would never do that” is quite apt.

CHUCK KLOSTERMAN-“Three Man Weave”
This was the story that let me know that this was going to be more than just a sports book.  Even though this is a sports article, it is so much more.  Klosterman talks about a basketball game he saw in 1988 between United Tribes Technical College and North Dakota State University at Botineau in Bismarck, N.D.  What’s marvellous about the game is that the Native American team played the whole game with only 5 players and then with just a few minutes left in the game, lost two of the players and still managed to win.  The detail (and interviews) that Klosterman provides totally make  this story.

CHRIS JONES-“A Man of God”
This article is about Ayrton Senna, an Italian race car driver who believed he was sent by God to race–until he died on the racetrack.

Bonus timeline: The Curse of the Eponymous Videogame–how bad things seem to happen to you once you have a videogame named after you.

WRIGHT THOMPSON-“On Whiskey and Grease”
Completely unrelated to sports, this article is about the death of William Faulkner’s niece, Dean Faulkner Wells.  But it’s also about the town of Oxford, MS.

Bonus content: Famous residents of Oxford, MS (including Johnny Marr!)

ANNA CLARK-“Ty Cobb as Detroit”
Ty Cobb was an asshole, but he was a famous asshole.  This article looks at what an asshole Ty Cobb was but also at the woman who currently lives in his house and how much Cobb has impacted people from Detroit.  I loved this.

JANE LEAVY-“One Round”
This article is about Leavy’s dad who was losing his eyesight.  He used to play tennis but as his eyes degenerated he decided, against all odds, to take up golf.  It’s quite an inspirational story.

MICHAEL WEINREB-“Statis Pro Baseball”
I don’t know if I ever had Statis Pro Baseball, although it sounds familiar and it sounds like something someone might have given me back in the day.  It is like D&D for sports geeks.  You “play” baseball based on cards and statistics.  This article is about the author’s attempt to “play” an entire season when he was a kid.  But it’s also about the inventor of the game who is the most fascinating man I’ve never heard of (Jim Barnes).  He could make up games–complete games–in a day.

JAY CASPIAN KANG-“The Circular Ruins”
Remembering Amy Winehouse.  I don’t like Winehouse’s music, so I didn’t get wrapped up in her story, but this is quite interesting.

WESLEY MORRIS-“Bruins as Bears”
This is all about hockey and growing playoff beards.

MICHAEL SCHUR AND NATE DIMEO-“So, Cricket? Anyone?”
Schur and Dimeo watched an entire cricket match (all 10 hours of it) so they could tell us all about it.  I loved everything about this article.  From telling us exactly how Cricket works (I had no idea) to the crazy scoring system to even sneaking a peek at another game midway through.  It also gives us a wonderful list of great cricketers.  This is a primer for anyone interested in learning the basics of the game.  And it’s funny too.

ROBERT MAYS-“Clear Eyes, Full Hearts, Couldn’t Lose”
This was a wonderful look at the making of Friday Night Lights.  I have never watched this show (we weren’t going to watch “the football show”) but this article makes me think that maybe we should look into it.  This was a wonderful article.  It includes interviews with cast and crew and tells us about how many of the cast were cast.

CHRIS RYAN-“New American Heroes”
This is a great look at female athletes and how much they accomplish.  Specifically, it’s a look at Megan Rapinoe and Hope Solo of the U.S. women’s soccer team–and they are quite impressive.

BRIAN PHILLIPS-“‘Still Life”
This is about the decline of Roger Federer (consider it a companion piece to DFW’s article).  The article basically talks about how Federer is “still” a good athlete.  But how that “still” is like the kiss of death.  Nobody who is in their prime is “still” anything.  Wonderful reporting and an interesting look at men’s tennis.

BILL SIMMONS-“The Movie Star”
This article was awesome and it cracked me up.  It talks a lot about stars and “stars.”  How just because we see a face a lot doesn’t mean that that person is a star. Specifically, he looks at Ryan Reynolds.  I constantly complain to Sarah that I have no idea who he is or why he is famous and this article backs me up (with statistics!).  There’s also a look at the calculated stardom of Will Smith.  Funny, cool stuff.

INSERT: The Greatest Paper That Ever Died
This insert is a mini-book which looks at the crazy history of The National, a daily sports newspaper that I vaguely recall from back in the day.  The story of its creation and demise is fascinating.  Funded by a billionaire Mexican businessman (who couldn’t own another TV station so he went for a newspaper).  He created the newspaper on the quick but not on the cheap (they lost over 150 million dollars).  It was beloved but made no money.  The amazing thing to me is how after all the years I know so many of the principles because of NPR and had no idea of their fame before: Charlie Pierce, Frank Deford.  And of course, I know Mike Lupica from Seinfeld.

JOHN BRANDON-“Dear Coach Tressel”
I don’t know who Coach Tressel was.  He did bad things.

MALCOLM GLADWELL-“Psychic Benefits and the NBA Lockout”
A great article from Gladwell about why owning a basketball team is bad business.

JESS WALTER-“Hadel’s Wife”
A short story wondering how to deal with a friend whose wife is cheating on him.  Not the best short story, but still good.

CARLES-“Self Aware NBA”
How stars who know what they are “doing” are more tolerable than the oblivious.

DAVID SHOEMAKER-“On Wrestling and Reality”
This was a fun look at the WWE and how even if it’s scripted we still don’t really know what to expect.  Fun stuff.

Bonus: Wrestling’s most reality-deprived championships.

CHUCK KLOSTERMAN-“Is the Fastest Human Ever Already Alive?”
This was a wonderful look at Usain Bolt and whether anyone will be faster than him.  If so, what is the fastest speed a man can achieve.  The other side of this article is why do we care?  We are so proud of ourselves and yet as mammals we are pitifully slow.  I love Klosterman.

BILL BARNWELL-“Viva Las Vegas”
Bill goes to Vegas on a new assignment.  This is the prelude to future articles.

ANDY GREENWALD-“HBO Recycling Program”
Another wonderful article about how you keep seeing the same people on all the HBO shows.  I loved this and thought it was very funny (and true).

COLSON WHITEHEAD-“Occasional Dispatches from Anhedonia”
Colson Whitehead was in the World Series of Poker?  Who knew?   This is the first stage of his long distance trip to Atlantic City.  This first part was really enjoyable–it talks about riding the bus, about fellow gamblers and about his personal life.  I was bummed that it ended when it did, but I see that several more parts were posted on Grantland (with pictures!).  I wonder how he did.

BILL SIMMONS-“Hoosier Daddy 2.0”
I never watched the movie Hoosiers, but Bill Simmons did.  About 250 times.  And he comments about it here.  The bits about sports movie wives are priceless.

JIMMY KIMMEL-“Father’s Day”
I don’t especially like Jimmy Kimmel (blame that sex show with Dr Drew which I loathed), but I do admit that he can be very funny.  This article is a funny tale from his childhood in which he first knew that he was going to be a twisted twisted guy.  And the incident is preposterously funny–a blind woman winning a chance to kick a field goal at a halftime show.  If it’s true it’s really messed up.  If he made it up, he’s a genius.

TOM BISSELL-“Press ‘X’ for Beer Bottle”
This was probably my least favorite article in the book.  I like video games less than I like sports.  And this article went on just a wee bit too long.  Although I did like the conceit about the title instruction.

HARRIS WITTELS-“The Humblebrag Hall of Fame”
Humblebrag is, simply, awesome.  Here are some of  the best humblebrags around.  For more, check out the humblebrag Twitter page.

KATIE BAKER-“Matrimonial Moneyball”
I haven’t seen Moneyball, so I don’t know exactly how this ties to it.  But I enjoyed the very premise of the article–that you can “score” the weddings listed in the New York Times Wedding section and find out who “wins.”  I suspect it’s a game most people play anyway, she just find added proper metrics to it.

BRYAN CURTIS-“The Fiberglass Backboard”
This is a touching story about a boy who copes with his father’s suicide by playing hoops in his backyard.

JAY CASPIAN KANG-“Immigrant Misappropriations”
This was an interesting look at Ichiro Suzuki and his life and his fame.  It’s about, first off, what an amazing player he is but also how he has broken down some race barriers.  But the essay is also about how Kang, who is Korean, roots for Suzuki, who is Japanese, because he represents a kind of Asian acceptance in baseball.  Even if at the same time he knows that Suzuki is not Korean and he feels bad about appropriating another culture for his own psyche.

MOLLY LAMBERT-“Tears of a Fighting Clown”
The amsuing story of the misguided Shia LaBeouf and his belief that when he acts up it makes him cool.  I actually didn’t know he acted up, but I enjoyed this anyhow.

CHUCK KLOSTERMAN-“Rock VORP”
VORP means Value Over Replacement Player, a metric that is used in sports (I presume).  Klosterman tries to use this metric in music, figuring out how much so and so member of such and such band is worth both to the band and in the history of music.  Its preposterous and quite funny.  Although when he lists the bands at the end and gives their attendant value, I have to assume he’s joking–Slade over Primus?  Funny nonetheless.

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McSweeney’s has done it again.  I’m totally hooked and I can;t wait to see what the cover feels like next issue.