I Just Read About That…

SOUNDTRACK: PORTISHEAD-Third (2008).

This is probably one of the spookiest albums I’ve heard in a long time.  And, boy, do I love it.

Portishead has been away from the music scene for about ten years.  They’d had a couple of hits, sort of gloomy trip hop all held together by Beth Gibbons’ otherworldly voice (“Nobody loves me, it’s true, not like you do”).  But frankly, after ten years I wasn’t even sure if I cared about Portishead anymore.  And then, I heard the songs!

Beth Gibbons’ voice sounds even more ghostly than before.  And the noises that Geoff Barrow and Adrian Utley make are totally beyond the pale.  Some of the music sounds like pieces from a late night horror movie.  Take the bizarro verse music of “Hunter,” guitar chords stretched beyond recognition alternating with a keyboard riff straight out of “Revenge of the Cheapo Zombie Monster.” Or the aggressive soundtrack of “Machine Gun,” in which Gibbons sings over a musical piece that is more or less an electronic drum that sounds like a machine gun.  It’s pretty intense.

But just when you think the whole disc is nothing but uneasy listening, they thrown in the beautiful acoustic simplicity of “The Rip,” a simple acoustic guitar playing over Gibbons’ sultry voice, or “Deep Water” a minute and a half of old timey ukulele music.  Of course, these songs are bookeneded by two creepy tracks: “Plastic” in all its eeriness, and “We Carry On” some of the most unusual sounds ever to be called music (aside from Einsturzende Neubauten, of course).

Somehow all of the unsettling sounds work wonderfully together.  And, although I haven’t processed all the lyrics yet, previous Portishead albums would lead me to believe that things aren’t very peachy in Gibbons’ world.  And yet, despite that, I find the album very uplifting and not at all depressing.

Maybe every band should take ten years between records if it yields results this great.

[READ: November 16, 2008] The Ultimate Game Guide to Your Life®

I used to work with the author of this book.  Perhaps a dozen or so years ago, Christopher (just Chris back then) Monks and I worked at Wordsworth Books in beautiful Cambridge, MA.   When I learned that he was writing for McSweeney’s (and has since become the editor of their online website) I was very impressed and happy for him and not at all jealous or seething with envy at his wonderful, picturesque life in the Massacusetts suburbs.  But, more to the point, when I read his works, and his website, he displayed humor that was in little evidence at work.  (Talk about compartmentilization…).

Anyhow, he recently sent a generic email to everyone who has ever written him to say that he has a book out (and would we all go buy it, please).  Well, I’m always game to help someone who over the years I have come to consider a former co-worker.

DIGRESSION: Now, I proudly wear the badge of geek.  But the only thing that I’m not really into, in terms of geekiness is video games.  I’ve just never gotten into them (aside from quarter arcade games which are a class by themselves).  This stems primarily from a college friend’s roommate who played Super Mario Brothers nonstop (while drinking to astonishing excess) and eventually got kicked out of school. While I don’t blame the game itself, it has certainly lessened my appreciation for the fine art.  Post-college I did get into some fun Tekken matches with my friend Garry, but honestly who has time to master that complicated controller?  I’m still a joystick and a button kind of guy.

This is all to say that when I saw the title of Monks’ book, and saw that there was a game controller on the cover, I was less than excited about the book.  I intended to buy it anyhow, but, well, I wasn’t sure how much I’d really like it.

So, imagine my surprise to get the book and to actually see what he was doing and to utterly change my opinion of the book and its contents.  The book is set up as a guide to playing the game Your Life®.  Your Life® is a game that is basically your life from birth to death. And the book is very very funny and, surprisingly touching and sweet in many places.  The tone of the book reminded me somewhat of Michael Nelson’s (of Mystery Science Theater 3000) tone.  Not suggesting that Monks has any connection to Nelson, but if you’ve read Nelson’s sense of good-natured ribbing or seen MST3K, well that’s the sense I get too.

Having worked in bookstores and libraries, I know the set up of these video game books, and he’s got it down to a T: diagrams of the controller, little boxes of cheats and tips that interrupt the flow of the main prose, little Mini Games to help you earn Life Points, and very funny “screen shots.”

The object of Your Life® is to score as many Life Points as you can.  There are many different ways to win and lose Life Points (most of them very funny). The book starts off with Your Birth. Your first challenge is to Sleep through the Night.  At this point the book could have gone one or two ways….either you could have gained points for keeping mom and dad up at night (mu ha ha ha) OR you could gain points for actually managing to sleep through the night.  I’m pleased to say this is the route that Monks took, and that the book plays life fairly straight: as a series of tasks that your are meant to accomplish.

This little excerpt shows the structure and the humor involved:

Some Ways To Earn Life Points During Your Infant/Toddler Years
Giggling, Getting kissed by your mother or her friend, Hitting anything that dangles before you, Being in the presence of a grandparent, Clowns.
Some Ways To Lose Life Points During Your Infant/Toddler Years
Sticking whatever non-food items you come across into your mouth, Having to take a bath, Having a meltdown in a public place, Being told by another toddler that you’re not his/her friend, Clowns.

There are many wonderful little things that Monks puts in the infant/toddler section (and, as his bio will tell you, he’s a father of two, so he must vividly remember much of this and, further, as a father of two myself, I was delighted with how much this resonated with me).  For instance, I liked that in the beginning, you see the adults in your life as Your Mother and her Friend (who you eventually accept as Daddy).

I’m not going to go into much more detail about the book except to say that I was really moved at the part where you get married and have a baby (the birth of your first son is very emotional).  Oh, and I was very amused at the acknowledgment of the sexist/racist/homophobic nature of Your Life®, in that your character is a white heterosexual male, so even if you the player are not any of those things, that is the character you get in the game; however, they are working on more multicultural versions in the future.  I was also surprised by the emotional nature of The Death of Your Father and even Your Death.  Given that the book is mostly funny, these moments were quite sweet (as was the general tone of love you feel for your beloved Marie).

Some of the challenges you must face include: Mastering Your Bowels (hilarious!), Sleeping Over at the Nerd’s House, Learning How to Drive, Destroying Your Virginity, Surviving the Family Road Trip (once you’re a dad), and Your Retirement.

Another nice feature of the your game life is that there are many recurring characters (you earn Life Points by making and keeping friends) including Simon, a geek who is always there for you, Dennis, your arch nemesis and Marie, the love of your life.  Also, the preponderance of Donut information was positively amazing.

The College Years are particularly fun.  Even though they couldn’t have been further from my own experience, the general tenor of the recap was very familiar.  I especially enjoyed the acknowledgment that someone’s Mother might be playing this game and that she should just skip certain challenges in the book.

My only gripe about the book is that I wasn’t in the acknowledgments, or, at the very least, that my last name wasn’t used for the last name of an unpleasant character.  I mean, geez we knew each other for like FIVE MONTHS.

I am going to nit pick to prove that I actually read the book, but also because it will no doubt lead to corrections in future editions as well as lucrative accolades thrown my way.

DIGRESSION: When I was in about 8th grade, I read a Stephen King book and found 3 typos (shock, gasp!).  I wrote them down and told my mom what I had found.  She encouraged me to write to the publisher and that they would no doubt thank me and almost assuredly have a job lined up for me when I turned 16.  Well, as you may guess I never even got a response from them.  So, I know my only course of action is to grouse here.

Three errors in the book: On Page 5 the controller has 2 C keys and No X key.  On Page 162 we skip from Step 2 to Step 4.  And on Page 190 the WARNING at the top of the page (Watch out for those pesky rakes) should go in the box on Page 191 about The Golden Rake.  May the publishers take this into account for the second edition!

But please don’t let those minor things get in the way.  The book is very funny.  I’m even ordering a copy for our library.  Interestingly, the publisher Tow Books lists 4 other books on its back page and all four of them sound very funny indeed.  When a book serves as a hyperlink to other great books, then you simply can’t beat it.  I just can’t decide which book to get first.

Congratulations Chris, I’m very happy for you (even if you humiliated me at Warehouse basketball…well, truth be told, that wasn’t that hard).

Some samples from the book are available here.