[LISTENED TO: December 2015] Heck
I read this book several years ago. I remember enjoying it but not loving it. But when we were looking for an audio book and I saw that this was narrated by Bronson Pinchot, I knew we had to listen to it. And the kids liked it a lot (although Tabby didn’t love the ending, which is sad, but is more of a set up for volume 2).
The premise of the book is that Heck is where you go when you die if you’re under 18. They’re not quite sure where you’re going to wind up, so you have to go through Heck, which is basically school, until they can sort out which layer of Hell you’re going to wind up in. Needless to say Heck is full of bad kids (and bad demons).
Our two bad kids are Milton and Marlo Fauster. Marlo is a troublemaker from way back. She is a petty thief and is always up to no good. Milton is a good kid. He never did anything bad in his life, and he always gets abuse from Marlo. As the book opens, Milton and Marlo are sprinting down the corridor of a mall where Marlo has just stolen something. She is planning on wreaking havoc with Grizzly Mall’s centerpiece: The State’s Second-Largest Bear-Themed Marshmallow Statue (that cracked me up).
The kids run to the center of the mall where they are cornered by security. Marlo is trying to think of an escape plan when Milton notices his classmate Damian. Damian torments Milton every chance he can get. And now, he is standing at the top of the marshmallow bear with matches. Milton also notices a fuse sticking out of the bear.
One explosion later, the kids find themselves no longer attached to their bodies, as they are rapidly sliding down to Heck. Marlo deserves to be there, she’s a bad egg. But what about Milton? It turns out that Marlo had slipped an item into Milton’s backpack, and therefore he technically stole something as well. A technicality but true nonetheless.
The rest of the book shows the kids in their gender-segregated classes. The boys learn physical education from Blackbeard the pirate and ethics from Richard Nixon (the Nixon bits were hilarious, and yet I can’t imagine many kids getting the jokes). The girls, meanwhile, learn home ec from Lizzy Borden (do kids know who that is?) and singing from an angel who is on a teacher exchange program. (more…)
SOUNDTRACK: ANTHRAX-The Greater of Two Evils (2004).
I loved Anthrax when they first burst onto the metal scene back in 1983. They were fast and heavy and totally great. As they matured, they got delightfully silly, releasing a couple of novelty hits (with Public Enemy!) and really showing off their juvenile side. (Big baggy shorts and crazy haircuts). Then some time around 1993 I stopped listening.
I Just Read About That... 