I Just Read About That…

SOUNDTRACK:

[READ: December 8, 2024] “Ham”

This year my wife ordered me The Short Story Advent Calendar.  This is my seventh time reading the Calendar–it’s a holiday tradition!  Here’s what H&O says about the calendar this year.

Ten years of stories! Yikes, where does the time go?
When the first Short Story Advent Calendar launched, in 2015, we frankly had no clue we’d still be sitting here today, continuing to offer up batches of tasty stories fresh from the oven. To celebrate this milestone, we’ve packed the 10th SSAC with a mix of new and familiar names—ideal company for those chilly winter nights ahead.

The author of this story was John Jodzio.  Each day has an online component with the author with a brief interview.  And this one opens:

It’s December 8. John Jodzio, author of Knockout, isn’t sure how he’s going to explain this to insurance.

I used to be really into first sentences. I still am to some extent because a first sentence can really impact your decision to read a story, but I guess I don’t look for them so much as keep tabs on really exciting ones.  Like this:

Lucy and I are having car sex with a bald eagle drops a honey ham near us.

I mean, that’s a grabbber. 

And it’s not just an attention getter either, it all works within the story.  The narrator works at a meat packing plant and the owner of the plant, Larry, rescued two bald eagles whom he then “raised” on site.  He calls them Truth and Justice and gives them meats whenever they like.

But they have been known to fly around and drop things (like hams) all over town. The combination of patriotism and money keeps the company out of trouble.

But trouble follows the narrator around.  He and Larry used to do crimes when they were younger.  They’d robbed many houses together, but when the narrator was caught, the police never believed that Larry did anything (because Larry’s father was tight with the police).

The narrator was sent to jail for 18 months and when he got out, Larry gave him a job (he believed that the narrator never snitched on him).  His job is mostly trying to calm people down when Truth and Justice get us to mischief.

But things come to a head when Truth and Justice are accused of kidnapping a small boy and the rumor that the whole operation might leave town.

Although the story opened with that funny line, it’s not a funny story overall, but it’s really enjoyable.