I Just Read About That…

SOUNDTRACK: ANDY GILL-January 1, 1956 – 1 February 1, 2020.

I wasn’t a huge fan of Gang of Four, but I really liked what I knew.  I probably should have been a bigger fan–I certainly should have listened to more records than Entertainment (1979) and Mall (1991).  I also probably should have seen them when they were touring around here last February.

Alas.

Andy Gill was a fascinating musician.  His guitar playing style was angular and distinctive and very influential.  His songwriting was also quite unusual.  As he explained, “Instead of guitar solos, we had anti-solos, where you just stopped playing, left a hole,”

Gang of Four was definitely punk, but they also had a kind of danceable quality (and not just slam dancing) that sucked people in before hitting them with their power.

But mostly, they were known for their charged lyrics.  Like “At Home He’s a Tourist”

At home he feels like a tourist
He fills his head with culture
He gives himself an ulcer

or 5.45

How can I sit and eat my tea
With all that blood flowing from the television
At a quarter to six, I watch the news
Eating, eating all my food
As I sit watching the red spot
In the egg which looks like
All the blood you don’t see on the television.

But there was always room for a catchy love song, too.

And I feel like a beetle on its back
And there’s no way for me to get up
Love’ll get you like a case of anthrax
And that’s something I don’t want to catch

I often say that I have been going to as many shows as I can before the bands I want to see break up or die.  I should have taken my own advice.

[READ: February 1, 2020] “Things We Worried About When I was Ten”

This story is indeed things that Dan worried about.  It even starts as if the title were not a title, but the first line:

High on the list was trying not to have the older boys decide to de-pants you and then run your pants up the flagpole.

That’s a pretty valid concern.

They mostly did this to Freddy Boyd–nobody knew why.

Generally you wanted to not meet anyone’s eyes. Especially if the boys were pushing and spitting on Devin Sleverding. One time Devin fought back with a stick and accidentally hit Dan in the face.  The older boys took some pity on Dan at that moment.

But the more important thing was that he would never have to box Sharon Weber again.  Dan’s father brought him to the Weber’s house where he was supposed to box Ron Weber–the boy who was a year older than Dan.  But Ron wasn’t home, so Ron’s dad suggested Dan box his daughter Sharon.   She was just as tall as Dan but a year younger.  He did not want to fight her.  He couldn’t hit her face–she needed to be pretty.  Couldn’t hit her stomach because that was where her baby machinery was.  And you couldn’t hit in the breasts.  So he stood there getting pummeled until his disgusted father pulled him away.

They stormed home and when Dan told his mother why his father was so upset she got furious with him but his only response was “I’m on the crapper.”

Dan was also worried about having to move.  His friends Max and Ronnie told everyone that they had to move and then one day they were just gone.

They also worried about Jesus. Like what would Jesus think if you thought about Mary Catherine Michener’s breasts (which had come out of nowhere) while you were receiving communion.

You also never wanted to be made an example of by Sister Mary Luke or get sat on by Sister Conrad.  The story about Sister Conrad sitting on Jackie Rand (who was always getting in trouble) is hilarious.  The things Jackie did are hilariously maddening.  Dan’s mom said that Jackie would try the patience of a saint

Jackie was a bully and would fight just about everyone.  Except Dan.  Dan and Jackie lived next to each other and had known each other for along time.  Jackie’s father was a mean drunk and when he remarried, the new wife was worse than the first one.

When Dan and Jackie were talking, Dan said that Jackie should try not to upset his dad because his dad was quick-tempered, but Jackie admits “I make everybody mad.  I’d try the patience of a saint.”

They also had more existential problems.  Like Mr. Stink a hobo who built a shack on the hill behind their apartment.  One night they heard a clank clank clank.  Dan’s dad went to check it out.  It turned out to be the downstairs neighbor banging on the pipes because she was so scared.  Mr. Stink had been peeping in her window so she shut off all the lights and banged on the pipe as a signal.

The next night a group of men went to the hill and Mr Stink was never seen again.

This tied into Georgie.  Georgie was a young newlywed who moved in next door with his attractive young wife.  One afternoon Jackie called Dan over and they were able to watch the two of them in bed together.  When the woman looked up and saw them Dan was worried that he’d get run out of town like Mr. Stink did.

The story ends with a weird story that Jackie’s mom accidentally chopped off her thumb in a meat grinder.  Jackie saw it happen and was so traumatized that he kept running around to all the neighbors saying “Stepmom May cut her thumb off in the meatgrinder,” with a perpetual refrain of “just stuck it in and ground it up.”

Dan realized the underlying personal danger here.  That if his stepmom could do that to herself what could she do to him?

The last section of the story has the kids playing blackout–where they would stand with a boy behind them.  They would continue to huff in breaths while th eboy behind them squeezed “until you passed out in a downpour of sparking lights.”

Sounds like there was some real trouble in Dan’s neighborhood.