I Just Read About That…

SOUNDTRACK: THE DIVINE COMEDY-“Don’t Mention the War” (2019).

The Divine Comedy contributed a song to the Amazon Prime series Modern Love.

I don’t know anything about the show, but I was delighted to hear a new song from Neil Hannon.

This is a much quieter songs than he has put out recently. It features acoustic guitars and strings and over a slightly bouncy melody, he gently sings.

Do you remember when? No I don’t either
All this remembering we’re none the wiser
It’s time to let go and say

The chorus is similarly bouncy but more nostalgic than happy.

Don’t mention the war
Don’t talk of those days
What good is it for?
Don’t mention the war
Let history lie
Kiss the old days goodbye
They’re no help anymore
Don’t mention the war

This song isn’t mind blowing (an apparently is a left over from something else). but it’s a delightful slice of chamber pop.  I’d like to think it might introduce him to a whole new audience who will love him, but realistically, I think it will get some nice plays on Spotify and that’s good enough.

[READ: November 29, 2019] “Hurricane Season”

Sedaris says that when you grow up in North Carolina, you know not to get too attached to a beach house. If this year’s hurricane doesn’t get you, next year’s will.  And so it was in 2018 that Hurricane Florence took away their house, the Sea Section.

While Hugh was devastated David could only think to mock the old fashioned hurricane names “they sound like finalists in a pinochle tournament.”  Where’s Hurricane Madison or Skylar? Category 4 Fredonté?

They were in London when the hurricane hit, so their friend, owner of the Dark Side of the Dune checked on their house for them.  The pictures made  the place look so tawdry he was embarrassed to share them.

Luckily for them they had purchased the house that’s next door to the Sea Section as well –preemptively avoiding a McMansion (eight bedrooms were common, spread over three or  four stories).  The place is ancient by Emerald Isle standards (vintage 1972).  But what you really didn’t want next door to you was a swimming pool.  All you hear is Marco Polo over and over.

They rent the place out mostly and they share stories about what renters do–steal pillows and coat hangers, children flush all kinds of things down the toilet and people complain about everything! “The TV only gets ninety channels.  There’s some missing paint on the picnic table!”  One renter told a friend, “I was shocked by your outdoor shower.”  He thought, geez, you’re at the beach. Then he went to wash up and when he touched the handle for the hot water he got thrown clear across the room.

In this other house (the Pink House) Hugh refused to keep the beach art (If you’re not barefoot you’re overdressed) and instead put up forgeries painted by Hugh–he reproduced a number of Picassos which a renter decreed was not family-friendly.

Hugh named it The Pink House, but David thought it should be called (since it was next to the Sea Section) the Amniotic Shack or Canker Shores  (both suggested by a third party).

Hugh is touchy about the place and when David’s sister Gretchen visited she couldn’t help calling Hugh a C-R-A-B.  Indeed, all of his siblings have asked at some point “What is his problem?”  David says he’d like to be loyal and defend his boyfriend but he usually responds, “Isn’t it horrible?”

Hugh once yelled at David’s sister Lisa for wearing a coat to dinner–it made her look like she wasn’t staying. David acted like it was nothing to get upset about but he knew the slippery slope.  Next year she’d be wearing a sweatsuit eating cold spaghetti.

But Hugh himself never slacks.

there are his German great-grandmother’s cookies, he will spend four days in an apron listening to the “Messiah,” and that’s the way it is goddammit.  A few years back, he designed a spiral-shaped outdoor shower at the Sea Section that we found ourselves using even in the winter.

David says that while he gets mad at things people do or say, “Hugh’s anger is more like the weather: something you open your door and step into.  There’s no dressing for it and neither is there any method for predicting it.”

When Hugh says things that upset people–usually because he just says the truth, Hugh replies that he can’t hide who I am.  David says, “Well, its really important to try.  I mean, like really, really, important.”

Gretchen is fun to have around because of the things she says.

She asks them, What is it with men adjusting their balls all the time?

Hugh wonders if she is talking about someone specifically?

The landscaping crew can’t keep their hands away form their crotches.

David says that men used to do it to ward off bad luck apparently.

Gretchen pauses, then says, “I was in a meeting a few weeks back and when I took off one of my shoes, a roach ran out,  It must have been there when I got dressed that morning.

Hugh asked what that had to do with anything and David simply said “Does it matter? It’s always time for a good story.”

When they were alone later, Gretchen said what she always does eventually, “I went online recently and read all sorts of horrible comments about you.”

David says he doesn’t Google himself or look online about himself but he does answer mail.

A few months earlier he’d been given 230 letters sent to his publisher.   Most were just what he wanted: kind words from strangers.  But occasionally he’s get a compliant that he thought he could brush off but which would linger with him,.  A woman who had attended his reading was offended and sent him her ticket stubs and parking receipt demanding she be reimbursed. [REALLY??]

He wanted to write back, “who doesn’t want to hear about a man who shoved a coat hanger up his ass?  How can you not find that fascinating?  What kind of person are you?”

After dealing with harshness from others he will ask Hugh to say something nice about him.
“Like what?”
“I shouldn’t have to tell you.”
“I can’t right now, I’m in the middle of making dinner.”

David would push and Hugh would say, “I don’t want to give you a fat head.”  Then would finally relent and say, “Okay you sure are persistent, how’s that?”

David likes Emerald Isle in May and Thanksgiving but August is a sacrifice he makes just for Hugh.  He hates the weather and doesn’t like to wander aimlessly anywhere that a thunderstorm can appear without warning.

He often takes long walks and brings hot dogs to feed the snapping turtles in the canal.  But when he saw a lot of ants running around by the CVS, he asked the guy in the hardware store what ants would like to eat.  Bananas.  The man said, naw, not bananas, he;d go with candy, which David gave them.

“You’re out there feeding ants candy? Hugh said that night.  They don’t need your help and neither do the stupid turtles.”

Gretchen patted David’s hand “Don’t listen to Hugh he doesn’t know shit about being an ant.”

But as with most Sedaris essays, even the ones that are snarky and funny.  He always has a touching moment.  Despite all the teasing, he loves Hugh and will always have him.  It’s the kind of relationship “when you realize you’d give anything to make that other person stop hurting, if only so he can tear your head off again.”