I Just Read About That…

SOUNDTRACK: IGOR LEVIT-Tiny Desk Concert #914 (November 22, 2019).

Igor Levit is a 32 year-old Russian-born pianist.  I really don’t know anything about him, although the blurb implies that he plays Beethoven and little else.  It says that he

has been playing the German composer’s music for half his life. He recently released a box set of all 32 Beethoven piano sonatas and once again he’ll be performing complete cycles of the sonatas in various cities to mark the 250th anniversary of Beethoven’s birth in 2020.

Most of us know many Beethoven pieces whether we realize it or not.  And, of course most of us know them by their “nickname” rather than their full name.  So when you see “Piano Sonata No. 14 ‘Moonlight,’ I. Adagio sostenuto” it’s easy to forget that that means “Moonlight Sonata,” the beautiful piece that is familiar with the very first notes.

Levit’s “Moonlight” emphasized the mesmerizing qualities in the music, with its oscillating pulse, smoldering low end and tolling bells.

After saying that “Moonlight” seemed like a good beginning to a Tiny Desk, he says he’s about to disrupt the situation as much and as hard as he can with anther sonata–this one a little bit earlier.  This one has no nickname, no title, no marketing gag, nothing.  Just G major sonata (officially “Piano Sonata No. 10, II. Andante”).

Levit says that this it is one of the funniest, wittiest pieces that Beethoven ever wrote. And…wait til the end.

The second piece proved Beethoven wasn’t always the grumpy guy he’s made out to be. His sly sense of humor percolates through the set of variations in a jaunty march rhythm, punctuated with a final, ironic, thundering chord.

After this, he returns to the familiar with “Bagatelle in A minor, ‘Fur Elise'”  Everyone knows ‘Fur Elise’ from the moment it starts.  Levit even jokes about playing it:

Sure, it’s a “total eye-roller,” Levit admits, but he also describes it as “one of the most beautiful treasures in the piano literature.”

He says people argue whether it was Beethoven’s piece–he thinks it is.

His playing is beautiful–I love that you can hear everything so distinctly.  He makes the familiar songs sound vibrant and alive.  And the unfamiliar piece (while not rolling-in-the-aisles funny or anything like that) does have little moments that will induce a smile.  He is also quite subtle in “Für Elise”–not emphasizing the most familiar parts.

Although many people have performed Beethoven over the years, I would absolutely look for his name if I wanted to hear a great performance.

 [READ: August 2019] American Housewife

This book had been sitting around our house for a few years.  I feel like I saw the cover of the woman on the toilet doing her nails every time I went into the spare room.  Then a TV show came out called American Housewife.  I knew that Sarah Dunn, the creator of the show, had written novels, but I had forgotten her name.  So I assumed that this book was the basis for the show.  Whatever the case, this book has nothing to do with the TV show.

This book is a collection of very short pieces and somewhat longer pieces.

Generally speaking, I found the shorter pieces a lot less funny as they seemed more like bullet point lists than actual jokes.

“What I Do All Day” is just a list of fantasy ideas that maybe some people would be tickled by

• Stallion-walk in the house like Beyonce
• Grocery aisle rage
• Break into a sweat when I find a Sharpie cap but not the pen
• Shred cheese; berate a pickle jar
• Follow a cat on Twitter

“The Wainscotting War” is much better, though.  It’s long and it’s nasty.  It is composed as a series of email between Angela Chastain_Peters@smythe-peterspartners.com and GailMontgomery54@yahoo.com (I love the details of their respective addresses).

Angela thanks Gail for the welcome fruit basket that Gail left.  But she says that they don’t eat fruit and are on an all-protein diet.  She ends by offering to discuss putting wainscoting in the common area

Gail writes back that the previous resident and Gail remodeled just 2 years ago and explains how wonderful the things in the common area are.   In honor of her departed friend she would like to keep the hall as it is.

Angela writes some nasty things about the former tenant and the ugly wallpaper in their apartment and the mountains of cat hair.   She invites Gail for drinks.

Gail says she doesn’t drink and is also taking care of all of those cats.

Things devolve.  There’s an email a few days later that is from Angela that says “You stole our doorknob?  Fuck you.”

Then we notice that Angela’s email address is now Gmail.  Seems she has been let go for using her corporate email to send unprofessional language.   Gail also copies Angela’s husband on an email and we soon find out that Angela is separated .  As things escalate finally Gail agrees to meet in the hallway

Six months later we see the result of all of this fighting,

“Dumpster Diving with the Stars” is a reality show idea.  The narrator is an author–a famous author has never been a contestant on a reality show.  Her book came out fifteen years ago and is a cult classic (meaning it is odd but identifiable and is now out of print).   Her roommate is Mitzy Rodgers former Playboy playmate.  There is some humor at Mitzy’s expense, like her breasts sitting on her torso like old fashioned alarm clocks and her bedazzled vagina.  But in the end she finds herself bonding with Mitzy, who greatly misses her twin Bitzy.

The premise of the show is pretty funny–the celebrities must go dumpster diving for art–kind of like a garbage antiques roadshow.  They are given money to buy things, but they don’t have to spend anything–the more they save the more they win. There’s some fun interesting garbage art that everyone finds and which the judges put a price tag on.  Last season’s winner was Diane Keaton.   John Lithgow is on this year and is presumed to be a favorite.

There’s a lot of really funny lines and jokes in this piece.  Like that she refers to the host (Elvin Smalls) as “F’in Tiny” because they never show his feet.

I love that the first thing they find is something in a ravine.  And they come out filthy and smelly.  They arrive with their item everyone staring at them.  Until John Lithgow gapes and says its GOR-geous.

The story is over 3 pages and I’d say most of it is very funny indeed.

“Southern Lady Code” is a series of one liners.
“What do you think about her?” is code for I don’t like her
“She’s always been lovely to me” is code for I don’t like her either.

I think this might work better if heard aloud.  But it’s only two pages.

“Hello! Welcome to Book Club”
This is a longish story in which we discover just how much power the book club holds.

Everyone has book club names at book club.  The ladies on the red sofa named themselves after TV judges.  If you decide to join us you can give yourself a book club name.  The story grows a little tedious as we hear all of the details of everybody’s scandals,  but the payoff is worth it

“The Fitter” was probably my favorite story.  It is about  man who can perfectly fit a bra on a woman just by looking at her.  The narrator is the Fitter’s wife and she is jealous of all the women he serves.  He is something of an urban legend.  The whole story is very funny

“How to be a Grown Ass Woman”
She says “ This piece sprang from me trying to mind my Southern manners and age graciously in New York City. ”

This is one of those short pieces that I just don’t understand the point of.  Its just a weird list and I’m not sure if its meant to be funny or actual advice.

• Compliment everyone.
• Take a compliment.
• Wear sunscreen on your face and hands even when its cloudy.  Dye your gray hair black, brown or blond.
• Call people under 30 “kids.”

“How to be a Patron of the Arts”
This is quite long and is written in several steps which are fleshed out:

• Step 1 Take your husbands money
• Step 2 Lose yourself in marriage
• Step 3 Make your own mantra
• Step 4 Support the ocal literary community
• Step 5 Become a gay man’s arm candy
• Step 6 Buy art
• Step 7 Become a muse
• Step 8 Develop a signature look

Again, it’s weird because it’s not really funny although the premise seems like it would be.

“Dead Doomen”  This was one of the longer pieces that I didn’t enjoy as much.
When her husband is away she has plenty to do.  John the Irish doorman is impressed with how much she does.   He says that her husband’s mother has staff to do all the work.   Indeed, she won over her husband’s mother by cleaning up a red wine spill before her mother’s staff could get to it.  Her husband is a slob.  When he was six and caught eating cookies n bed he was sent away to boarding school.

She can clean but she can’t fix so she calls on John the doorman for help.  He never gets rattled or angry.  But her husband and the board fired John because of cutbacks.  John committed suicide.  But he still visits her.

John’s replacement was Tony, a young Hispanic-american.  That boy died as well.  She kills them all.  It’s kinda weird.

“Pageant Protection”
This is an opportunity to rescue a young pageant model (who still uses a pacifier) from the world she is getting into

“Take it from the Cats” is more of those one liners.  Some are funny.

• If someone moves to make room for you, take up more room.
• If someone’s looking over there there’s something to see
• If you stand in the kitchen long enough someone will feed you.

“My Novel is Brought To You By The Good People of Tampax”
I enjoyed this story.  It was quite dark and went after corporate America.  This author’s novel is sponsored by Tampax.  It’s the story of three generations of women and spans 3 decade…that’s a lot of menstruation.  Every time someone bleeds–Tampax.  She has one year to complete the book.

But rather than writing the book, she is creating apps and fake accounts to start building buzz about the book.  But remember: tweeting does not count as writing!

As she finds herself not able to write, her agent tells her that no one quits from Tampax. You cannot quit.  The agent also knows exactly where she is at every moment.

By the end of the story she is told that once the book sales reach 75,000, she will be able to see her husband again.

You don’t mess with Tampax.

~~~~~~~

These were all mildly amusing stories.  When I looked up Helen Ellis I found that she is quite divisive.  A lot of Southern women seem to feel quite put out that Ellis has defected to New York and is giving out the Southern secrets.