I Just Read About That…

SOUNDTRACK: ACCEPT-“Final Journey” (2014).

I normally do kids music for kids books, but this book was so un-kid friendly that I decided to tack on a metal song for it.  This song was previewed on Viking’s Choice at NPR.

I loved Accept back in the 80s, but once lead singer Udo left I haven’t really followed them all that much.  New lead singer, Mark Tornillo formed TT Quick way back in the day and since I saw them not too long ago opening for King’s X, I thought I’d see what he sounded like with Accept now.

He doesn’t quite have the weird Teutonic sound that Udo had (how could he, being from New Jersey and all?), but his guttural voice is quite appropriate to the music.  But there’s something missing here with this music.  It sounds a little too generic, compared to the abrasive yet melodic sound that Accept brought to the scene way back when.  I think maybe if it wasn’t Accept I’d be inclined to like it more, because I have high expectations.

You should never read comments on public posts (you can read the few that I get here, of course, as they are usually pretty thoughtful), but one person commented on this song that the chorus sounds like Europe’s “The Final Countdown” which ruined the song for me, and now I have ruined it for you.  Sorry.  Of course the most noteworthy (get it?) thing is the guitar solo which is an extensive working Edward Greig’s “Morning Mood” (and not just a line or two, but the whole thing, pretty much–it actually sounds awesome).

So, this song isn’t going to bring me back to Accept, although I did like it more with each listen.  Nevertheless, it’s nice to know that they’re still rocking Germany.  I also love that they still have the same logo.

[READ: July 27, 2014] The PS Brothers

The cliché is that you can’t judge a book by its cover.  And that proves to be hugely true here.  Indeed, you can’t judge this book by its size (books of this size tend to be for younger readers), or even by its blurb.  The blurb ends with “but what they aren’t counting on is uncovering a crime that can bust apart a dream faster than a dog can sniff out a bone.”  Bear that in mind as I talk about this story (and yes give a spoiler or two by the end).

So this story (judging by the cover and the title) seems pretty darn funny.  Shawn and Russell really want a dog.  Russell has read every book in the library about dogs and Shawn bought a pooper scooper at a garage sale.  There’s a few logistical problems–they don’t live together, they don’t have any money, Shawn’s house is too small for a dog and Russell’s uncle hates dogs.  So what are they going to do?

Then one day they see that a guy is selling Rottweiler puppies for $200 a piece.  They want a big mean dog with a spiked collar who will protect them from bullies (I should have realized that this story might be darker than I expected, but who could have known?).  Shawn and Russell decide to become the PS Brothers, with the PS standing for Pooper Scooper.  They are going to use Shawn’s scooper to pick up neighborhood poop for 10 or 25 cents a poop.  And soon enough they will have the cash.

The story sounds hilarious. And many things about it are hilarious.  But what nothing prepares you for are these strange and awkward moments–especially when reading the book aloud to your 9 and 6 year olds:

1. (not a spoiler).  Russell’s mother is dead.  She died when he was 6.  And there’s a brief talk about the funeral.
2. (not a spoiler).  Russell’s father has just been arrested for robbing the Flying Eagle Mini Mart.  It is his second offense.  (Wow, that was a weird thing to read to them).
3. (not a spoiler).  So now he lives with his Uncle Cory, but since he doesn’t want to be beholden to his uncle his lives in his Uncle’s crappy trailer in the yard.  (That was also weird).

These three things are pretty hard to explain to little kids and the big question I have is.  WHY?  These things have no direct impact on anything….  He could just as easily live with his parents whom he is mad at and is sleeping in their trailer.  They could be opposed to dogs.  There’s no reason that all of these things have to happen, since there is really no impact later on…except for the mild one that Corey later helps him out, but again, a somewhat deadbeat dad could be in the same shoes. Sure a deadbeat dad is no prize, but it’s sure easier to read about than a funeral and prison.

But the whole book isn’t dark like this.  There’s some very funny things–lists of Shawn’s favorite foods.  Lists of the pooper scooper names they want to use.  Talk of the size of the poops and the gross yards they scoop out of.  There’s even a funny scene where the boys go to the guy who is selling to dogs to look at the pups.  Well it starts out funny.  Until the mama Rottweiler starts barking at them and chases them up the stairs.  And we soon learn that the guy selling the pups is not a nice guy at all.

And that’s where the crime comes in.

Okay, so we have this funny concept–boys are going to pick up poop in order to get money to buy a dog.  Pretty funny premise.  We know there’s a crime involved. Not funny, but maybe they’ll spot something while they are scooping?  Maybe they’ll get a reward?

No.

HUGE SPOILER:  The crime that the boys uncover is shocking, horrifying and completely unbelievable that I had to read it aloud to my children.  While the details are not given in graphic explicitness, there are enough to make you not want to read any further.   Okay, are you ready?  The guy who is selling the puppies has created a dog fighting ring in his garage.  Yes, this funny story with the poop and the cartoony cover is all about a guy who is fighting dogs in his house.  This book needs a huge warning label: Bloody Dog Fighting contained within.  Russell later reads about dog fighting and how people do it for drugs or money or power.  Holy cow.  So yes, the kids break up the dog fighting ring and the dogs are taken to the pound .  But what the hell?  Dog fighting?  Who thinks that that is a good plot in a children’s book?  And, we never learn what happens to the poor puppies at the end.  I mean, good lord, I hated this book with the heat of  fiery sun and am only glad that my son didn’t pick it up and read it on his own, because I judiciously edited the parts that I didn’t need them to hear.  END SPOILER

So, yes, all the crime brings everyone closer together, blah blah blah, we’re all happy at the end, but I felt dirty and sinister for having read what I did and having edited out what I did, because no one likes to censor a book, but no one wants to read those words aloud to their children.

And the little ad for the Humane Society and for adopting puppies really doesn’t make up for it.

In fairness, the kids were hooked by the story.  We didn’t finish it in one sitting, and they were anxious to finish it.  And they were pleased with the happy ending, but I have to wonder what they would have thought if I used the less kid friendly voice to read this aloud to them.  And the thing is, I’m not trying to shelter them from bad things (well, yes I am, because I love them), but that’s not how I want them to learn about this awful thing, and certainly not at 6.  So, while perhaps i should have done some research first about this book, who would have ever guessed that this funny-looking book would have such a mean core?