I Just Read About That…

SOUNDTRACK: MITCHMATIC-“D-Bags” (2011).

On the show New Girl, my favorite joke in the pilot (which was brought back in a recent episode) is the douchebag jar.  Every time someone in the house (well, Schmitt, really) says something a douchebaggy, money goes in the jar.

This song has a crazily simple bass line–which sounds like “Another Bites the Dust,” but isn’t.  It’s unclear from the beginning exactly what the song is about.  But once the chorus comes in, the song is just perfect: “D-Baaaaaags: Hey I’m calling from a handicapped stall, dude; D-Baaaaaags:oh I’m a jerkwad? I’m a jerkwad?  D-baaags, Don’t tell me how to carb load, I know how to carb load.”

There are three rappers in the song.  Mitchmatic takes the first verses.  Mikey Maybe gets the best line: “say irregardless while trying to seem smart.”  The Joe has a really fast delivery that reminds me of Paul Barman (in lyrics and style).

I’m really enjoying Mitchmatics’s beats.  You can download Two Week Off for free.  Or you can watch the video (which seems to have the studio version of the song over a live video)

The video goes on a little long after the song, but the song is pretty great.  It might actually do to give it a proper video.

[READ: January 24, 2012] “Shore Ting”

When I signed up to receive Narrative magazine, I also signed up for their emails.  And the January 9 email contained this story (as well as many other things).  This story was chosen as their Story of the Week.

I really wanted to not like this story.  There were so many things about it that seemed like they should be red flags to me: a tourist getting entwined with a local urchin; the tourist “doing good” for the urchin when none of the locals want anything to do with him; a wife who is very Christian; and the implication of forthcoming violence throughout the story.  Not to mention a piece of foreshadowing that I assumed gave away the ending (although it doesn’t).

The story opens with an interesting scene.  The tourist, Dale, gives the urchin (named Sammy, although this was obviously a name for tourists) a cigarette and then realizes that he has personally started this boy on a lifetime of smoking. And he feels bad about that.

Sammy hits up Dale for work.  Dale doesn’t have work, but since he is looking into renting a sailboat, he more or less hires Sammy to help him on the boat.  Dale asks Sammy if he can do various things and whatever he asks, Sammy replies, “Shore Ting.”

Dale’s not an idiot, he knows that Sammy is trouble.  In fact, Dale deals with people on a daily basis; he knows people.  Sometimes he trusts people for no damn reason, but it always works out.  That’s the kind of guy Dale is.

Dale’s wife doesn’t know that Dale rented a boat–she basically came on vacation to sit by the pool and do nothing else.  But then, Dale doesn’t really like his wife much anymore.  They met because they were both Christians.  And, well, Dales’ Christianity was a phase, but his wife’s wasn’t.  So he’s always trying to goad her into unChristain behavior.  The boat, and Sammy, are two more examples.

On the way back to the hotel, none of the locals want Sammy anywhere near them–not in cabs, not in hotels, nowhere–although no one will say why exactly.  But Dale buys Sammy some (way too expensive) clothes and vouches for him.  No one is impressed.  Least of all his wife.  Even when Sammy starts talking about Jesus.

The end of the story has them all on the boat, having a reasonably good time.  Until, that is, the voice of reason speaks up and the little fantasy that Dale has created is (inevitably) punctured.  But the story didn’t end the way I expected.  It was far more thoughtful and introspective than seemed likely.

In fact, the story surprised me (positively) on several different occasions.

This is the first Story of the Week I’ve read (you can vote for the five best stories of the year), but I’m curious to see what the competition is like.

Read it here.