I Just Read About That…

SOUNDTRACK: MR. DREAM-“Holy Name” (2011).

The cool site Bob Dylan Wrote Protest Songs created a Top 20 list of 2011 albums.  It was an interesting mix of stuff other people liked (PJ Harvey, St. Vincent, Bon Iver) and a whole bunch of stuff that I’d never heard of (like this band).

BDWPS explains that the two guys in Mr. Dream met in college and are music critics (with Pitchfork in common among their employers).  And we all reflexively gag at the thought of music critics making music. 

This song opens as a direct rip off of Nirvana’s “Lithium.”  I mean, it’s unavoidable–same quiet guitar playing virtually the same chords.  It infuritaed me.

But on a second listen, I heard the differences.  They are the same chords as “Lithium” except that the final chord in the sequence goes in a different direction, as does the rest of the song.  It’s rawer than Nirvana (at least than Nevermind), but it has the same feel and attitude.  Maybe with a hint of Slint thrown in. 

I was prepared to write this off as a Nirvana rip off, but of course, Nevermind is twenty years old.  I think their music is just part of punk consciousness now.  And it’s nice that Mr. Dream makes good use of it.  Raw and angry.  Very nice.  I can’t wait to hear the rest of the album.

[READ: December 30, 2011] “Max reviews the classics”

May-Kate and Ashley Olsen are a really really easy target, and I’m a little embarassed for Max that he went after them with this review, but it is still pretty funny (and it’s not like they can’t take it).  The “review” is not as fish-in-a-barrel as it might be. 

The introduction is funny: “Last night I took a break from re-reading Cryptonomicon to pick up a book roughly as long as one of its paragraphs: Sealed with a Kiss” (with links provided for each).

He is clearly setting out to mock the book, I mean how could he not.  But the things he points out are interesting not so much from a Kate and Ashley standpoint as from a book standpoint.  Indeed, he spends a lot of time on just the first sentence: “‘We’re going home to Chicago for only two weeks!’ Mary-Kate Burker told her sister Ashley.”  Max points out, “who, exactly reads the 20th book in the Mary-Kate and Ashley series without realizing they’re sisters?  …If you’re worried about readers that stupid, you probably need to point out that they’re twins too.”  That’s a little harsh to the series as, yes, it is obvious, but the series is clearly written for young kids, and frankly in terms of exposition, that’s pretty brief.

A more salient (and funnier observation): “I can’t help but wonder what percentage of Mary-Kate and Ashley books contain an excalamtion point in the first sentence.  I haven’t checked, but I get the feeling it’s a high number.”  Hilarious.

And his third observation about the first sentence is that their last name is Burke!  “The authors of this book–and it says so on the cover, so it must be true–are Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen.  I’d thought this was some kind of tell-all autobiography, but apparently not.”  “Autobiographical” snark aside, it is interesting that they bother to supply fake last names.   Is the whole series about these Burke girls, I wonder. 

But his further extrapolation is wonderful:

First there was just one of them on that TV show Full House, then they split into twins; now apparently, they have divided again into the Olsens and the Burkes.  [Are they] some kind of mutant virus, and unless we do something, there will soon be eight of them, then 16, then they’ll detsroy mankind.

Barry is also amused by this later line of dialogue, but I’m amused by it for different reasons:

“I hope you like Twister,” Mary-Kate said.
“What’s that?” Derek asked.
“It’s a game!” Mary-Kate said.
“Does it run on double-A batteries?” Tyrone asked.
“How impressive is its resolution?” Derek asked.
“Does it include a thirty-two-bit RISC-CPU with embedded memory?” Garth asked.

He loves that Garth and Derek are computer geeks–what an interesting twist to bring into the series!  But I’m more impressed by the utter inanity of the discussion.  It is possible that someone doesn’t know what Twister is? And what human being would ask Garth’s question?  Even the geekiest guy in the world would not ask that phrase.  It’s a crazy thing to include.  And I’m sure that none of the intended audience knows what it means.  Is that the easiest way to suggest that they are computer geeks?  They can just say, do you play it on a PC?

Barry hopes that the twins will pry Derek and Garth away from the computers and into some fun.  But then Colton arrives.  Barry writes, “I knew he was trouble because his clothes were decribed” (HA!). 

Colton is hunky and Colton tells all about himself.  But Colton is lying (about what I’m not willing to go to any trouble to find out).  Of course, Barry points out that if they had just asked the geeks, a few minutes of Googling would have answered any questions.  But instead, “Old fashioned Scooby-style investigation ensured, with plenty of creeping around in tunnels.”  Somehow this leads them to find out about Colton’s lies.

I won’t give away the book (well I can’t anyhow) or Barry’s conclusion, but let’s just say that if you get your clothes described, you’re given a free pass or two. 

This was a listed as a blog post on Barry’s site (instead of as a story or an essay) and we all know that Blog posts are held to slightly less scrutiny than essays, right?  Regardless, this was an enjoyable piece and was problem a lot of fun to research.