I Just Read About That…

SOUNDTRACK: The Core: WVPH, 90.3 FM.

The Core is also from Rutgers University.  How do they have two radio stations?  Interestingly, the station is shared with Piscataway High School.  For several hours a day Piscataway High School takes over the airwaves.  Although I admit that I have not listened to any of the PHS stuff because the first block is at 6 in the morning, and the other block is from 1- 3PM.

The college folks, however, play a pretty excellent selection of alternative music.  They’re not quite as indie and out there as WRSU, but they’re not commercial either.  To me, they’re more of the kind of college station I’m used to from my days as music director at the University of Scranton.

In the few days that I listened, I heard a lot of familiar alternative artists, with a nice focus on new bands.  What I especially liked about the station was that they didn’t play too much in the way of commercial alternative (your U2s and R.E.Ms who were once alternative but are now mainstream).  Rather, they played bands like Art Brut, The Decemberists, Portishead and Neutral Milk Hotel: bands that many people have at least heard of, but that you won’t find anywhere else on the dial.

This is the station that I would turn to most if my CD player busted permanently.

The only thing I didn’t like about it, but which also reminded me of my days as a DJ, was that college DJs tend to talk A LOT.  We all think that we are imparting precious wisdom to the masses.  And often, that is true.  Although in this one case, the DJ said that the name of the band was Art Brut Vs Satan, which is in fact just the album name.  (See, I’m still a pretentious music snob!).   However, when I’m having dinner and reading a book, I don’t need a seven minute update about that last concert that you went to.

[READ: May 19, 2009] Pride and Prejudice and Zombies

When I first heard about this book (as a punchline on Wait Wait…Don’t Tell Me at my brother-in-law Tim’s house), I couldn’t believe it was real.  I was so intrigued by the concept, and then so impressed by the reviews, that I couldn’t wait to read it.

And this book does not disappoint.

For those out of the loop: Pride and Prejudice and Zombies is, as the title suggests, Jane Austen’s Pride and Prejudice with good old zombie action thrown in.  Elizabeth and Darcy… What?

Yes.  Zombies.

Seth Grahame-Smith has taken Pride and Prejudice, changed a few details and then added an entire…well, subplot is not right…more like an underlying condition to the story.  It turns it from a story of love and marriage into a story of love and marriage amidst zombie brain-lust.

I am citing Buffy the Vampire Slayer as a point of reference because, like  Buffy herself, Elizabeth Bennet, the heroine of P&P&Z, is a smart, sassy young woman who has been trained in the arts of zombie killing.  Unlike Buffy, where very few people are aware that there are vampires roaming LA, in P&P&Z everyone knows about the zombies, they just don’t like to talk about it much.  But the zombies are an every day nuisance.  In fact, much of England–London in particular and the village of Meryton where the book is set–are overrun with these unmentionables.

The five Bennet girls have all trained in China to be martial arts experts.   Elizabeth, especially, is noted for her skill and prowess with a sword, a musket and even her bare hands. Her elder sister Jane is also a great fighter.  But her three younger sisters, while decent are a bit more flighty and are more interested in boys (or gentlemen) to be of great use in the fight against Satan’s army (although they do hold their own in a number of fights).

While this is all going on, the Bennet girls must concern themselves with marriage.  Since their father has no male heir upon his death, Hertforshire, their home, will become the property of their closest male cousin, Mr Collins.  They know very little about Mr. Collins, but fear that he would put the girls and Mrs Bennet out when he ultimately receives the property.

As it turns out, Mr Collins is a decent enough fellow.  He’s fat and ungainly and no use when it comes to zombies, but he does have eyes on Elizabeth.  The Bennets are delighted that this would allow them to keep their house.  To her mother’s horror, Elizabeth spurns Mr Collins’ advances and sends him away.  Mr Collins bounces back, however, right into the awaiting arms of the Bennet’s neighbor, Charlotte.  Charlotte, unbeknownst to anyone save Elizabeth, has recently been bitten by a zombie and will slowly turn into the living dead.

The bulk of the rest of the story concerns the burgeoning relationships for Jane and Elizabeth.  For Jane it is Mr Bingley, the new owner of their  neighbor’s property.  Bingley takes a keen interest in Jane but then mysteriously leaves the countryside for London and is seldom heard from for the bulk of the summer.

Elizabeth, after spurning Mr Collins continually runs into Mr Darcy, Bingley’s best friend and companion.  Unfortunately, she absolutely detests him.  When Elizabeth first encounters Mr Darcy he is an appallingly uncivil person: rude, overbearing and generally awful.  She finds him so contemptible, that she is hardly surprised to learn later that Darcy soundly beat Mr Wickham and hospitalized him for a twelve-month period.  Mr Wickham is a dashing gentlemen who comes to several of the Bennet’s balls.  Elizabeth likes him, and is quite affronted on his behalf about Mr Darcy.

And yet Darcy is a masterful zombie killer in his own right.  He is also the nephew of Lady Catherine de Bourgh, a wealthy Lady and renowned zombie slayer. Lady Catherine takes an instant disliking to Elizabeth: first because she was trained in China, not Japan; second because she does not have a band of ninjas at her disposal; third, because she has no standing; and fourth because she is led to believe that Mr Darcy is interested in her, when he has been long designed to be married to Lady Catherine’s own daughter.

When Darcy eventually reveals that he is interested in Elizabeth, she is so taken aback at his gall that a bruising fight ensues leaving Darcy wounded and Mr Collins’ study quite the worse for wear.

But as is the way in small social circles, Elizabeth and Darcy’s paths cross in unexpected places, and in various ways.  She slowly learns that what she heard about Darcy and Wickham was not entirely true.  And when Wickham runs off with Elizabeth’s sister Lydia, Darcy feels terrible for not revealing the true nature of Wickham’s character.

Will all of the stars align to bring these couples together?  Will they be killed by zombies?  Will Lady Catherine use her physical strength  to alter the outcomes of things?  Will Mrs Bennet ever stop vomiting?  Will Charlotte succumb to the zombie curse before anyone realizes she’s barely coherent?  Will Mr Bingley return and say why he was blowing off Jane?  And what of Mr Darcy’s trousers?

I enjoyed this story immensely.  I had read Pride & Prejudice years ago and found it a fine read.  I am older and wiser and a better reader now, so I am sure I would find P&P to be an enjoyable read unto itself.  But I was surprised by how wrapped up in the plot I became.

And let’s set the record straight: This book IS Pride and Prejudice.  Grahame-Smith has taken the actual text of P&P and left it unaltered for large stretches.  And what is amazing, if you read P&P&Z critically or at least carefully (and compare it to P&P itself) you will be amazed at how often Austen’s writing lends itself to this sort of alteration. [The whole text of Pride and Prejudice is available online from Google Books here].

In many instances, Austen’s verb choices seem like Grahame-Smith may have modified them, but he hasn’t.  In this sentence, Mr Collins is simply talking to Darcy: “With a low bow [Mr Collins] left her to attack Mr Darcy whose reception of his advances she eagerly watched.”  That’s all Jane Austen.

There is also a regiment of soldiers stationed not far away.  The reason is never explained in P&P, so Grahame-Smith has enlisted them in the fight against zombies.  There’s also a lines like this one, which I was sure Grahame-Smith added, but which is right there in the original.  When a paramour for Darcy belittled Elizabeth about her leathery skin, Darcy noted that “he perceived no other alteration than her being rather tanned— no miraculous consequence of traveling in the summer.”  Fascinating.

Of course, Grahame-Smith does add a lot of things that are not in the original.  He liberally sprinkles references to sparring and dojos throughout the book.  But they don’t stand out, because Grahame-Smith has really picked up on Austen’s writing style.  Obviously he adds massive zombie battle scenes too, but it is these seemingly throwaway references to blood, battles and training that keep the major zombie scenes from seeming out of place.

He has also altered little things in the book.  Instead of playing lottery, the families play Crypts and Coffins.  Instead of going for a walk in the park, they walk to the Burning Fields where they incinerate zombies.  He even kills off a couple minor characters!  And, he throws in comments that are risque and far more shocking  than anything else in the book.  For once you become accustomed to the formal mannerisms, hearing a passage like this almost seems outrageous:

Elizabeth recalls she has his ammunition in her pocket: ” ‘Your balls Mr. Darcy?’ He reached out and closed her hand around them and offered, ‘They belong to you, Miss Bennet.’ Upon this their colour changed, and they were forced to look away from one another, lest they laugh”

It is also surprising at what a strong, vibrant heroine Elizabeth is, regardless of the zombie training.  Jane Austen has created a character that is forthright and unafraid.  Although I am not well versed in the period, Elizabeth seems like quite the proto-feminist character.  For even though she does wish to get married, she is also quite independent and speaks her mind without fear of reprisal.  Making her a master fighter isn’t that big of a stretch.

I though I might re-read P&P now that I’ve finished P&P&Z.  But I feel like I know the real story well enough that I wouldn’t want to reread it just yet.  But someday down the line I’ll try it without the zombies.

And, while I don’t know if this was one of Grahame-Smith’s intentions, but if you read P&P&Z, it is not unlike reading the original.  Since much of the plot line is exactly the same, if you finish P&P&Z you can, with a clean conscience say that you’ve read P&P.  So, if you know someone who is reluctant to read P&P, tell them to pick up a copy of P&P&Z.  Just make sure they don’t tell their teacher about the zombies.

And at the end of the book, the author provides discussion questions for the reader.  They are rather ridiculous and are quite amusing. An example:

The strange plague has been the scourge of England for “five-and-fifty years.” Why do the English stay and fight, rather than retreat to the safety of eastern Europe or Africa?

or, my favorite:

Some scholars believe that the zombies were a last minute addition to the novel, requested by the publisher in shameless attempt to boost sales….  What do you think?  Can you imagine what the novel might be like without the violent zombie mayhem?

Despite my raves, this book may not be for everyone.  Especially if you don’t care for zombies or martial arts stories (if you don’t like those, I’d recommend the original).  There are a few gross moments, but they are few and far between.  Nevertheless, if you’re at all intrigued by the book, I totally recommend checking it out.  After all, it’s a classic (sort of).